A little suspicious - any knowledgeable WhatsApp users around?

[Butteredtoastandcoffee]

Changed username for this.

I think DH might be blocking and unblocking me on WhatsApp.

He works away midweek. I noticed randomly a while ago that his profile pic on WhatsApp had changed to nothing. Before it had been a pic of us all.

Then noticed on sons phone a while later (he was showing me messages) it was a pic of the kids.

I didn't think much of it. Then I was whatsapping someone and his pic was of the kids on mine too. Basically thought I must have been mistaken and promptly forgot all about it. We very rarely WhatsApp each other, we mainly use iMessage but he uses WhatsApp with the kids and other family/friends. I use it for the kids and workmates mainly.

Fast forward to last night. Was on WhatsApp and saw the picture of the kids. He is quite high up on my chats list.

For some reason I screenshot it. Then this morning, went to WhatsApp my sister and the pic is back to nothing again. It's of the kids on my sons!

I WhatsApped a message and it's just got one tick and has for ages. But on a group kids chat we are on it went to two straight away for him when I messaged this morning.

This is just weird!

It can't be that he wants to hide his last online as he has that set so nobody sees that anyway. He wouldn't need to block me for that.

Any ideas as to why?

I know the right thing to do is ask. I don't really want to do that right now.

Barely asked him about WhatsApp. So no. I don't think he's doing it to avoid my questions.

I do feel like he is doing something.

Things haven't been good and I've noticed a change recently.

I think you need to address the issues in your marriage, if you want to save it.

It's a bit difficult to get private time and space at, but if you can talk to him...tell him something doesn't feel right and you feel a disconnected or distancing in the marriage.

Ask how he feels about things and if he wants it to get better. Check if he also feels a disconnect....then take it from there.

When you lose the emotional connection, it's very easy to look for and seek and find attention elsewhere. You obviously know how things haven't been good and maybe what had caused that.

It could be that he's having an affair and isn't getting the time with her that he usually does. Don't go in accusing...just make it about you feeling inside that somethings not right and wanting it yo be better.

If you don't find out the truth one way or another, you'll continue to feel like this.

Our marriage is far from excellent.

Personally, I wouldn't believe anyone who said their marriage was excellent.

Even if I thought it was, I would agree with staying calm and trying to work out what's happening.

Exactly. It makes little sense to tip him off.

You've got to decide what you want to do OP. Personally, I'd be seeing a solicitor.

How's your finances? Is he the type to try to hide income?

If I were in your position, I'd ask him outright... but you've said you don't want to do that at this point.

If you need to find answers and you can get access to his phone, make sure you check the archived chats on WhatsApp (swipe up on the chat list and tap on Archived Chats). Also, check his blocked list, display pictures of blocked people show up on there too. I'd also suggest checking the recently deleted photos on the phone. Also, if it's an iPhone, there's an album called 'Hidden' which prevents photos from showing in the camera roll. I'd also check the call history within WhatsApp itself, as they're not deleted when the entry is deleted from the phone's main call log. Finally, I'd check any cloud based storage such as Google Photo, Dropbox etc. My partner's friend found out her husband was playing away, because he saved images of the OW and screenshots of their chats on Dropbox.

If he has blocked you, any messages you send while blocked will never be received by him, even when unblocked. Sorry if someone else has already mentioned this. So you can continue testing and sending messages but he will never receive them. He will only receive messages sent while you're unblocked

If his pictures going on your side but not on your sons, he must be deleting your number then re adding you. Simply blocking wouldn't make the picture go if he still had you saved as a contact.

@chelle862 this is incorrect. If he blocks her then his picture disappears, regardless of whether he has her saved as a contact or not.

No it's not possible for him to have two accounts, WhatsApp will only let you log in with the phone number of the phone you're on

@therona again untrue. You can log out of WhatsApp on any phone and log back in for a different number, I did this when I left my work phone at home before and had to check messages.

It's really not helpful for the OP when people just pass on incorrect information.

Ok well you know now for sure you are being blocked at night

Of course he is doing this so you cannot see that he is online

He's up to no good, sorry OP

But I think you have already realised this.

I'd block him and keep him blocked!

I agree with @FortunesFave, get what paperwork you need and Suss out bank accounts and investment and pensions, just in case.
At least you will have everything together.
I have all of our important documents in 1 place in a folder near the front door, in case of fire.
Good luck

Dont tip him off by asking anything too soon... Gather some more facts.keep the ball in your court and play your cards smartly. Dont give him the chance to squirm out of it and come up with another lie. If he is putting his phone on aeroplane mode when charging, it's probably because he doednt want you seeing notifications pop up (from ow maybe?) whilst he has left it unattended=Hes got security that his messages are protected from being seen.

No way would I allow him to think I was suspicious.

Get the new sim when you get one in the old phone and be one step ahead,

It's a horrible feeling Op

the fact you can’t and are trying to be all secret indicates there is a much bigger issue st play here

Um yes the issue is that most people who cheat are excellent liars and their spouses find out the hard way.

I've ordered one. Has anyone used the app kind of ones? Feel a bit weird about using them but don't know why

There's going to be a delay in getting it out. Understandable but I was hoping to monitor ASAP.

Could you get a friend or family member to monitor in the meantime?

So you didn’t look at his phone? (Mind you I don’t know my husbands passcode so I’d be useless )

Potentially. I'm trying not to use my sons as it will alert him as unusual. If he's up late and asks why.

No I can't look at his phone. He is working away at the moment.

No not your son as that would raise suspicion. What about a sister/friend?

Q

I think I would check for the next 3 days/nights as it will show a pattern. Then I would confront. You say that you would like to save your marriage. So once you know exactly what’s in your bank accounts and have a pattern on when you’re blocked, ask him.
I honestly wouldn’t want to uncover everything as you’ll kill any chance of reconciliation. You want to ask why he’s doing it and pause. Once he’s come up with his excuse I would then say, I think we know something is wrong here and that our marriage isn’t perfect, but we need to decide together if we can fix it and that starts now.
Tell him it’s his decision if he takes the knowledge that you know and chooses to hide his behaviour better or whether he wants to work on the issues your marriage has. This is the only way this is salvageable.
I would do this as I am one of those people who think I have an ‘excellent’ marriage. If this was happening to me I’d realise I didn’t have the marriage I thought I had and I’d be wise about what I needed before having this conversation - a good handle on my finances - but I would speak to him. I wouldn’t turn into a private investigator. You’ll kill anything you think you had. Even if he is a horrendous person you’ll go down a rabbit hole that you’ll find very difficult to climb out of. Something is off. Be brave and confront it.

Lots of people have clearly never been in your shoes and are telling you what they think they'd do (and might or might not IRL) in an effort to help. So take advice that you feel is right for you OP.

Op, the issue here is not what’s going on with his what’s app. It’s that you can’t and don’t want to ask him

I agree with Bluntness. If you're that convinced he's going to spin you a yarn and lie through his teeth until you've got video footage of him having sex with someone else as proof (whereupon he'll suggest that someone doctored the footage using his face), why are you with him? If he freezes or uses some BS excuse you'll know the truth anyway- why suffer through playing detective for ages unnecessarily?