A little suspicious - any knowledgeable WhatsApp users around?

[Butteredtoastandcoffee]

Changed username for this.

I think DH might be blocking and unblocking me on WhatsApp.

He works away midweek. I noticed randomly a while ago that his profile pic on WhatsApp had changed to nothing. Before it had been a pic of us all.

Then noticed on sons phone a while later (he was showing me messages) it was a pic of the kids.

I didn't think much of it. Then I was whatsapping someone and his pic was of the kids on mine too. Basically thought I must have been mistaken and promptly forgot all about it. We very rarely WhatsApp each other, we mainly use iMessage but he uses WhatsApp with the kids and other family/friends. I use it for the kids and workmates mainly.

Fast forward to last night. Was on WhatsApp and saw the picture of the kids. He is quite high up on my chats list.

For some reason I screenshot it. Then this morning, went to WhatsApp my sister and the pic is back to nothing again. It's of the kids on my sons!

I WhatsApped a message and it's just got one tick and has for ages. But on a group kids chat we are on it went to two straight away for him when I messaged this morning.

This is just weird!

It can't be that he wants to hide his last online as he has that set so nobody sees that anyway. He wouldn't need to block me for that.

Any ideas as to why?

I know the right thing to do is ask. I don't really want to do that right now.

But why would he not just keep you completely blocked if that were the case? Why block and unblock??

I know it doesn't make sense.

He says it wasn't to hurt me as he didn't think I'd know. It was a fuck you in his mind.

He said nothings changed and by that I think he means I don't trust him/still check despite being transparent over the past 5 years.

Ive asked him not to come home this weekend. I don't want him here. Or the kids to pick up on this.

You have to decide whether to keep him in your life and turn a blind eye to whatever or get rid. There's not a third option called let's talk till you convince me.. because he can't change what he's done and is doing.

His nastiness is part of his defence strategy and he will never ever admit to anything. So do yourself a big favour and stop asking him. He's admitting NOTHING. And he will blame it ALL on you.

You are free to not be bothered by his cheating. To pretend it's not happening. People do it. But you know he is so that's a decision you make for you - not an actual fact.

What did he say among all this about his feelings about your marriage? Did he say anything that constituted a '...but', as in, he's been really angry but he still wants to make things work? Or was there just nothing on that score?

He wants to keep it in perspective. He's sorry. Didn't do it to hurt me. Didn't really put that much thought into it. Then went into the underlying frustrations and that's probably why he did it.

He's sorry he lied but not sorry for blocking. Can't really give me anymore than that.

I know it doesn't make sense.

That’s because large parts of the truth are missing and he is distracting you with smoke and mirrors.

He says it wasn't to hurt me as he didn't think I'd know. It was a fuck you in his mind.

Has he then apologised profusely for inadvertently hurting you?

He said nothings changed and by that I think he means I don't trust him/still check despite being transparent over the past 5 years

DARVO. But his behaviour has changed since the NY?

Ive asked him not to come home this weekend. I don't want him here. Or the kids to pick up on this.

Good idea for some space,

He's apologised for lying but as he's said he's not cheating, I think he thinks I need to calm down.

No apologising profusely. More querying why I'm so angry to be honest.

He's also said he's not sorry for blocking me.

Total shit.

This is so bloody confusing OP!

You definitely think there's more to it than just wanting a bit of control back??

It sounds to me like he isn’t taking this seriously at all. Is there no worry on his part that this could be the end of your marriage? What did he say when you asked him not to come home?

If he's telling the truth he's a nasty and mean bastard.

If he's lying he's a nasty and mean bastard.

OP, he's a nasty and mean bastard.

^
Sums it up well.

He'll never understand the damage he has done to you and continues to do because he quite frankly doesn't care enough to have learnt about what it takes to rebuilt a betrayed broken heart.

This man will NEVER make you feel safe.

Do you mind saying what changed in his behaviour since Christmas that made you suspicious?

I think he's not happy. I think he wants to leave and so doesn't give a shit how I feel.

I don't know how I got here to be honest.

He's not happy with our sex life. Constantly resents me. I seem to piss him off just by breathing. He's always a 'victim' somehow.

Leaving twice over what I thought were trivial things. Just a feeling that something had changed.

Like a switch had been flicked and he cared much less.

I think you're just going around in circles. You won't get the truth and he won't tell you whAts going on. He will feed you little bits and will stonewall you too because he doesn't want to lose his comfy life/kids/money. You'll be reluctant to do anything without proof, which you won't get.

That's why I suggested trying to have a conversation about whether he even wants to be with you and vice versa. But I think that's not going to happen now because he's going to play hard done by/confused etc till you give in. He will have lots of time to think of a great story - but you don't block someone on WhatsApp when they aren't even checking your WhatsApp. The whole you don't trust me is the oldest trick in the book. You'll probably never know the real story but I imagine he met someone around Christmas and blocked you on WhatsApp because he didn't want you to see how much time he was spending on there. Dunno why he just didn't make his status private. Though you still see if someone's online when you look at their conversation/profile. So he must have been online a LOT or at times he's told you he's working/ not using his hone.

@Vodkacranberryplease

Absolutely. Summed up what my initial feel was when noticing I was blocked. Tried to find more but realised its likely where he works and I wasn't going to find anything.

He's checked out and is probably having some sort of sexual relations of sort elsewhere.

Rip the plaster off and take control of your life back

So he is claiming to be retaliating against you and the transparency that he himself agreed on to keep his marriage and restore your trust? He is claiming that his willingness to provide open access has passed its expiration date? Sorry, he doesn’t get to set your terms of recovery.

I think he is spinning a line to cover himself.

Whatever he is really up to, this man is creating a massive amount of emotional distance between you to justify something...

Really sorry to say OP but I don’t think he sounds invested in your marriage. I think he’s biding his time because he’s not ready to call it quits just yet. For whatever reason. Perhaps he’s waiting to see how something or someone else pans out? In my experience men only ever leave if they have someone else to go to. They won’t leave a marriage to be on their own. Unless of course they get found out.

I do think you need to have a frank conversation about what you both want and if either if you want to salvage your marriage. He’s clearly carrying a lot of unjustified resentment towards you and you have lost all trust in him. Is there anything left? Do either of you still love each other?

So, randomly and for no real reason he thought ‘I’m angry I’m going to block my wife’ ?!?!

That’s the biggest bullshit line I’ve ever heard! And I’ve heard a good few.

He has a grandiose sense of entitlement and no remorse for his making you feel unsafe. He’s trying to control you so that he can do whatever he likes... put you in your place, belittle you, taunt you. And you better not say anything.

Glad you’ve told him to not come back. Now block him for a while on everything and see how he likes it!

It sounds like he is trying to push you to end the relationship, and then can’t bring himself to be an out and out arse so he can still claim ‘good guy’.

Ah OP he lying, you caught him out now he is trying to gas light you.

Just like my lying arse ex.

He said he has an underlying frustration and anger towards me

This reminds me so much of something similar my ex said when I caught him out in a lie. What he is saying is ‘i hate you because you know I’m lying again’

Even if you pretend to yourself that he wasn’t doing something he shouldn’t have been - your respect and trust will disintegrate till you really fucking dislike him.

He really isn’t worth you living like this. Life with a liar isn’t real. I’ve got the t shirt.

It’s really bloody hard to leave some one when you know they’ve done something but you havnt got proof. As women I think we tend to hang in till the very end as we don’t want to break up the family incase it’s ‘all in our heads’.

I stayed for way too long. But when I finally ended it it was honestly a massive weight of my shoulders because I knew that now I could control my own truth. That my life was real.

Good luck love