A little suspicious - any knowledgeable WhatsApp users around?

[Butteredtoastandcoffee]

Changed username for this.

I think DH might be blocking and unblocking me on WhatsApp.

He works away midweek. I noticed randomly a while ago that his profile pic on WhatsApp had changed to nothing. Before it had been a pic of us all.

Then noticed on sons phone a while later (he was showing me messages) it was a pic of the kids.

I didn't think much of it. Then I was whatsapping someone and his pic was of the kids on mine too. Basically thought I must have been mistaken and promptly forgot all about it. We very rarely WhatsApp each other, we mainly use iMessage but he uses WhatsApp with the kids and other family/friends. I use it for the kids and workmates mainly.

Fast forward to last night. Was on WhatsApp and saw the picture of the kids. He is quite high up on my chats list.

For some reason I screenshot it. Then this morning, went to WhatsApp my sister and the pic is back to nothing again. It's of the kids on my sons!

I WhatsApped a message and it's just got one tick and has for ages. But on a group kids chat we are on it went to two straight away for him when I messaged this morning.

This is just weird!

It can't be that he wants to hide his last online as he has that set so nobody sees that anyway. He wouldn't need to block me for that.

Any ideas as to why?

I know the right thing to do is ask. I don't really want to do that right now.

He’s playing games with the whole blocking thing. That’s not healthy and not right.

I get if he wants some privacy but there’s no need to be blocking you, you’re not hounding him with messages.

What’s the worst he could be doing? Cheating on you? What will you do if he is? Are you ready to leave?

You need to have a heart to heart with him and tell him how it’s making you feel. Give him say 6 weeks to change his behaviour, if you see no improvement then begin your exit plan

Ask him why OP.

Why do you do things deliberately to hurt me?

What do you want him to say? What reason is good enough?

He is treating you so badly because he is genuinely angry with you for the situation he has got himself into.

Vile man.

You’re not put on this planet to keep up with his games, you’re a strong woman , mother and wife. You deserve to treated with respect

What an absolute twat

You'll be well rid OP

Well he disrespected you before. And he now wants control. He’s angry and frustrated towards you.

Could he have started an affair but you cottoned on so quick as you know the signs ? That would more explainmhim wanting control and the anger and frustration.

It’s your life. Your family. Your marriage. But he does sound like an entitled fuckwit. A cheating entitled fuckwit at that

Just read your update.

Holy shit. I was hoping there was maybe some kind of innocent explanation as it was all fairly circumstantial but wow. Just wow.

At the very best he is admitting to deliberately engaging in behaviours that he knows will unsettle you, and give him some "control" over how you're feeling. Bearing in mind he works away from home so it's likely to stress you out even more.

Worst case scenario he's cheating in some way, or hooking up with someone online. You don't say what his "form" is but with a background like this, I'd be incredibly suspicious this is the actual real reason.

I'm never one to say LTB usually but I really think you need to walk. He's deliberately trying to hurt you because he's "angry" with you for having the audacity to look at his phone once or twice. Or he's cheating. Neither of those are acceptable. He sounds manipulative and nasty and this really doesn't sound like a relationship that makes you happy.

I hope you're OK; you've done phenomenally well so far. Be strong.

What an awful man , I f dh int think he could imagine you’d ever leave him. Sounds like there’s no Iove lost between you and your trust in him has gone. Try to see a future without him and plan for it

Just to add, I'm so sorry OP.

Wow. Really sorry to hear this OP. Well this, along with his past behaviour, he’s shown you who he is and what little regard he has for your piece of mind. How has it been left? Has he gone again back to his work? Does he realise that his explanation (if true) is just as damaging as if he were to admit to an affair? What a fucking Walker. You deserve so much better than him. 😡😡

How infuriating, and what a bullshit excuse!

Even "blocking so you can't monitor my WhatsApp usage" would have been slightly believable. But "to regain control because you check my phone" is utterly ridiculous.

I think it could be true but it’s a bit pathetic. I have thought it’s quite intrusive that you can see when someone is online on WhatsApp and you could check if 2 people are on at the same time. Same with messenger. And start doing it a lot and imagining all sorts.
I did block my dh on iMessage the other day because he was pissing me off and he’d told me not to text him because he wouldn’t reply. I didn’t appreciate him telling him what I could and couldn’t do so I texted and then blocked him for a bit. Also quite pathetic I admit. The phone equivalent of leaving the house without saying where you’re going I guess. (And then coming back a bit later!)
But if you do feel like someone is checking up on you a lot it can be quite intrusive.
I think this does reveal that you don’t trust him. And there obviously is good reason for that, the question is whether you can get through it together to a point where you don’t find yourself wondering what he is doing or if it is broken beyond repair, either because he is doing something he shouldn’t or because the trust has gone.

Oh gosh op. It’s heartbreaking when they lie to your face like that

Game playing and gaslighting like this definitely indicates your marriage is over.

Hi I'm really sorry your having to deal with this especially at such an awful time. How do you feel? He seems really immature for his age. Its upto you whether you stay or leave. But always think about your mental health. You can't trust him.

At best, he's saying that he deliberately did something with his phone to fuck with your head. To make you unhappy and unsettled and be in turmoil.

At worst, well, you've a fair idea of what that is.

Either way, he's not someone who cares for your feelings, cares that his behaviour hurts you he doesn't value your relationship, or is even willing to invest in it with you. So the writing is on the wall really no matter what the truth is.

He didn't do it to cause me upset as he didn't think I'd see it.

It was more an internal fuck you apparently.

Still absolutely shit.

I think he is quite childish in his approach. Have mentioned it before. It's like giving the v behind a back isn't it?!

If it is that of course.

Not convinced!

He's just showing that he has no respect for you (& maybe doesn't even like you). Is it worth staying together?

Nice guy. Quite a catch 💩

It’s just the cheaters standard script. If there hard evidence you can’t deny, just deflect the blame “ You made me do it because .....”

You checked my phone
You mentioned my past infidelities
You didn’t give me enough sex or attention
You focus on the kids and not on me
You’ve put on weight

Whatever whatever

Remember he’s been onto you for days OP, he’s had plenty time to make up a good excuse.

I’m sorry OP.
If what he is saying true which sounds highly unlikely, his behaviour still proves he has no remorse for whatever happened 5 years ago. If he thinks you are unreasonable feeling that way, he probably wouldn’t see an issue doing it again and that’s your excuse right here: he would say you pushed him to.

What are you going to do?

@Butteredtoastandcoffee - do you think it's possible he is checking up on your / your online activity? If so he could easily have read this thread and put 2 and 2 together (assuming you are getting many Mumsnet notifications to your email for example).

I don’t believe him. I think he’s talking shit.

So it's your fault then. Funny that.

If he's telling the truth he's a nasty and mean bastard.

If he's lying he's a nasty and mean bastard.

OP, he's a nasty and mean bastard.

This is not a healthy relationship.

the comment about him being willing to cause me distress (at best) cheating (at worst) to regain control is exactly how I feel.

Why the fuck would he want to do that.

More importantly - why would you allow him to do so again?! Please tell me you're going to end this horrible relationship. Life's too short for this shit.

Tell him that if he is gonna lie then at least make it believable