A little suspicious - any knowledgeable WhatsApp users around?

[Butteredtoastandcoffee]

Changed username for this.

I think DH might be blocking and unblocking me on WhatsApp.

He works away midweek. I noticed randomly a while ago that his profile pic on WhatsApp had changed to nothing. Before it had been a pic of us all.

Then noticed on sons phone a while later (he was showing me messages) it was a pic of the kids.

I didn't think much of it. Then I was whatsapping someone and his pic was of the kids on mine too. Basically thought I must have been mistaken and promptly forgot all about it. We very rarely WhatsApp each other, we mainly use iMessage but he uses WhatsApp with the kids and other family/friends. I use it for the kids and workmates mainly.

Fast forward to last night. Was on WhatsApp and saw the picture of the kids. He is quite high up on my chats list.

For some reason I screenshot it. Then this morning, went to WhatsApp my sister and the pic is back to nothing again. It's of the kids on my sons!

I WhatsApped a message and it's just got one tick and has for ages. But on a group kids chat we are on it went to two straight away for him when I messaged this morning.

This is just weird!

It can't be that he wants to hide his last online as he has that set so nobody sees that anyway. He wouldn't need to block me for that.

Any ideas as to why?

I know the right thing to do is ask. I don't really want to do that right now.

I really hope you get the answers you are looking for.
Such a horrible situation to be in and my heart goes out to you.

I agree with others that you need to gather as much hard evidence as you can because he will ultimately deny everything if he thinks he can get away with it

Also he has form for something the OP has no obligation to tell us more about.

Right now, my minds a whirl. I don't want to be snooping. It's not how I wish to spend my downtime outside of work. I'm not abusive. I'm not enjoying this position I find myself in. I'd like to think my DH would not be doing sneaky things. That I could ask and get a straight answer. That would be amazing!

@RoxanneMonke I remember your thread. I can fully understand why you did what you did. I also understand why you are glad and don't regret it.

There is form. In a different way but form for lying and gaslighting. Yes that will also be dealt with.

Yes he knows I'm on Mumsnet. That thought crossed my mind also.

Its a real game of cat and mouse isn't it? Exhausting. He's onto you so you may need to do two things at the same time. Double bluff somehow, lead him along the wrong path. But he's got a head start and he's clearly used to lying.
Or try to have an honest conversation about your relationship in that you're saying you think it's the end of the road and while he won't admit anything he may agree and at least you have closure of a sort. If he's away all week he could easily have another life and is it really what you want? You might be able to agree to part and be good parents and exes. You could say to him you know he's up to something and that rather than go through all the hassle of proving it you'd rather he was just honest with you about not being properly in the relationship with you.
Of course he may still pretend nothings happening and he may be the kind of guy who doesn't want to lose the cake he's not eating. It depends what the consequences for him are and whether he wants to carry on living a lie. Men stay because they are scared they will lose their children and end up financially ruined. If you can avoid that you may get the truth yet.

If you think he might be on MN you might want to ask them to move your thread somewhere more private.

Buttered what a horrible situation. One I remember but the pain has faded now and I am now really happy with my life.

What I learned was that whilst I was driving myself crazy with suspicion, it was me I was hurting. He wasn’t bothered or hurt. In fact it became more of a game for him I am sure.

What I wished I had done, was think what I wanted in life. Be stronger. Take control.

You said you know he has been blocking you. His mobile bill is higher.
Tell him not to suggest you are paranoid. Just tell him because of these things you have lost the trust that working away requires to ensure a stabile and happy relationship. You have your own well-being to think about.

And, as you said, the hours you are spending tying yourself up in knots. No, if he is innocent he needs to be the one spending hours to convince you he loves you, respects you, respects the fact you enable him to continue with his job working from home.

Otherwise he has to change everything to ensure equal child care arrangements.

I confronted last night.

Denied first.

Then it's innocent and all because he wants some control back.

I hadn't wanted to go into the past too much as I knew it would cloud opinion.

He has form. Said he would be totally transparent. Now feels aggrieved that he has been so transparent and I check things so wanted to regain control. Kind of a fuck you moment.

Excellent

Did he give an explanation as to why he was blocking you?

To regain control. A fuck you.

Now feels aggrieved that he has been so transparent and I check things so wanted to regain control

Absolute bullshit. As if he only started blocking you because he saw you online too and decided that was 'checking'. Bullshit.

I'm sorry he's being like this Buttered. How did you leave it?

I've been lurking.

I think that's an absolute fabrication of an excuse. He's been caught out, and already had the excuse waiting.

You deserve better than this OP, you know he's lying. I hope you're ok and please be kind to yourself.

I feel like shit.

He said it's because I check his phone. I have done in the past. A few times a year?

Mainly as a result of his past. He always threw in my face in arguments that he left it around for me to check. Now he is saying he got fed up of my need to check (occasional) so decided to block me. Why should he have to explain why he is online.

Christ, he’s gaslighting you!!!

What a horrible thing for him to do.

I've only ever asked him once why he was online on WhatsApp

I'm aware he is just trying to weasel out of shitty behaviour. Wow. Even if this was innocent, what kind of adult goes on thinking like that after everything we went through.

So he blocks you only at night time when he's not in the house on WhatsApp and you don't even communicate though that. He's lying and trying to turn it around on you as he's got found out. Do yourself a favour get rid of him.

So instead of being caring, loving and allowing you to gain his trust again, which it sounds like he has destroyed in the past; he decides to play with you and allow your fears to grow. Wow, what an immature piece of shit.

My ex did this kind of thing. It’s horrific. So he’s either deceiving you again or being a cunt. Both are seriously awful.

And he’s pushing it all back into you, to keep you in your place. Fucking wanker.

To be fair to him and in the interests of transparency. It was a long time ago. 5 years.

I've rarely checked though. Honestly. I did once or twice this year due to some shitty behaviour. Threatened to leave twice etc, random arguments.

You are having to explain yourself when you have no need to!! Stop doing it and stand up for yourself. I hope you told him what a piece of shit he is being.

So five years ago he was an asshole he's still an asshole and you are saying to be fair to him?? This will just repeat itself again and again. You have the option to end it but if you don't next year or in five years time you'll be back again writing the same thing. I can't understand why people put up with this crap. If you've to check your partners phone you shouldn't be together.

Yes I did. Said it made no sense.

Even if it was innocent it's a shit attitude to take. He agreed to be open when I agreed to give it another go so where has this come from.

I could understand if I'm checking all the time as you have to move on. But I genuinely don't.

He has been a dick since Christmas time. That prompted me to do some checking.