When I LTB...

[PickledLilly]

I’m currently in a relationship I’m planning on ending but stuck because of lockdown. To while away the hours, I’m playing a game of ‘when I LTB’ in my head. Every time he does something that annoys me, I smile sweetly and think to myself ‘when I LTB, I will/won’t do x’ it’s very therapeutic!

Lighthearted, anyone can join in, whether you’re planning on leaving, already left or love him really but are eyeing up the patio and wondering how big a hole you’d need to dig because you’re stuck in the house with him and he’s annoying you.

Some of mine are:
When I LTB I’m going to sleep diagonally across my bed and it have to listen to anyone snoring. I’m going to have control of my own TV remote and I’m mostly going to use it to turn the damn thing off. I’m going to be able to make some cheap easy dinners without complaints that unless there’s a load of meat in it, it’s not proper food. Oh and my food bills will massively decrease without him eating everything in sight!

When I LTB I am most looking forward to tidying the house, going out for a bit and coming home to a still clean and tidy home.

Eating whatever dinner I feel like eating. My treat foods being in the cupboard until I am ready to eat them, won't mysteriously vanish into thin air.

Not having to deal with the inlaws, no longer being the punchline to their jokes about how much of a loser I am in comparison to them, that will be bliss.

Yes! Buying treats and them still being there* when you want them I’m adding that to my list!

*assuming you hid them high up where the children can’t reach

When I was planning I was also buying. Kettle /toaster /plates etc. Stashed them well. Felt empowering knowing I would be soon using all my own stuff!! Wasn't going to give him any satisfaction begging to take things.. Left with our clothes and dc's stuff.

I have an amazon wishlist. Not sure funds will allow but it’s nice to dream!

When I ltb I am going to be me again, not something he has made!

Now I've LTB I'm never going to shave my legs or remove all my bush ever again.

Since I've ltb I sleep in the middle of my kingsize bed - starfish and never lose the quilt/

I get up when I want and go to bed when I want

Things stay how I leave them. I can leave a mess without someone else complaining and more importantly, when I leave it tidy, it stays that way.

If I buy something - it's there until I use it. If I can't find something then nobody says I'm thick or stupid, despite it also being my fault when they can't find something.

etc etc etc ... I love it

Sadly, if I leave things tidy they definitely won’t stay that way. Similarly, starfishing peacefully across my bed is more likely to end up huddled on one edge with a three year old’s feet wedged in my spine because HE is sleeping like a starfish. Kids eh?

Ooh, another one. I’ll never have to listen to bloody question time again.

I have already LTB.

Now I can have a house full of colour with no brown furniture. My house will be cosy and bright.

I will also never have to listen to Oasis/Manics on repeat through the bedroom floor whilst he gets steadily pissed.

I can leave the washing up overnight if I so wish. If I don't want a carb fest for dinner that is up to me.

If DD wants to slide down the bannister she can.

Just walked into the bathroom and hit a wall of stench from one of his 25 minute shits, the remnants of which were still on show even though there’s bleach right there. Won’t miss that.

When I LTB my inner minimalist will emerge. I won't have piles and piles of his crap everywhere - motorbike gear, golf clubs, work folders and hi-vi gear. I won't have to see his clothes hanging on the back of every chair in the house. When I LTB I won't have to endure "where's this" and "where's that" because he's an untidy bastard and can never remember where he's put things ( always my fault when he's lost something). The kitchen and bathroom will stay tidy after I've cleaned them, not messed up within minutes. When I LTB I won't have to put up with hi. Washing the cars every 5 minutes because there's a speck of dust on one of them. I will rejoice driving in a dirty car!

While you are imaging also get practical. I had to leave at very short notice and lost 7 years of digital photos stored on his pc that he wouldn't let me have.

So imagine and organise things that you want that he might get difficult over.

I've already Ltb. My favourite things are hearing DD laugh and sing and run about with her friends over without constant tutting and reprimanding.

Being able to budget for food instead of having things like steak, beer, organic fucking pomegranate to the list without a care for how much money we had available

And choosing my own music

When I LTB (currently planning) I will never have to hear him pick and suck his teeth again after a meal. I won't have to wake up to Radio 4's Today programme and instead I'll be able to wake up to Chris Evans on Virgin. I won't have to bury unwanted things that I'm throwing away under the rubbish in the bin for fear he might spot them and drag them out again 'just in case'.

I will buy treats and have them still be there because no controlling wanker has hidden them from me because he disapproves of me eating chocolate.

Fuck it, when I LTB I'm going to buy one of those giant buckets of malteasers and lie on the sofa pouring them into my gob.

We split in Feb but we are still stuck together because of lock down. This time seems endless and I am lost in these thoughts and plans that are now a very long list. I will have a new mattress that is clean all over and never have to look at the brown sweaty mark, that makes my stomach turn, that is on his side of the mattress - gross. None of his heavy mugs will be on the mug shelf - I am already arranging them in two different sides for my own satisfaction. There will be no big ugly shoes that drop mud all over the house.

I already LTB. I watch what I want on TV... and often nothing. I can listen to my music. I don’t constantly have to apologise for the actions of the dog (he doesn’t annoy me!). DD and I can laugh and be silly without feeling his disapproval. I can cook what I like and I don’t have to watch him push it round his plate whilst wearing a face like a slapped arse. I love it. It’s been over a year without living with him and it’s still a delightful novelty very often. I don’t miss him in the slightest 😁

When I LTB my bakes will last longer than 4 hours and half the batch might make it to the freezer!

I'm often planning this. Here goes - how I am going to rearrange the kitchen, especially clearing off one side with his stuff on it. Ditto the living room, fed up with his boring ornaments! I can live in the minimalist way I want to. I can eat when I want and what I want. Also I can eat my food first. I won't have to waste any more of my time waiting around for him. I won't have to put up with his annoying habits or listen to his verbal diarrhoea. Be constantly planning his meals. There will be so much more space. I won't miss him having a poo at bedtime just before I want to get in the bathroom. I can get up and go to bed when I like, and watch what I like on tv. I can do things without him asking me what I'm doing or my having to tell him. Put my plate etc down without him virtually snatching them from me as soon as I've finished eating. Leave the washing up until the next day. Leave a mess. Even though I like minimalism, I prefer to leave the washing up until I feel like doing it. Won't have to listen to his false statements about how much he loves me. Won't have to have him edging closer to me making my skin crawl. Won't have to look at him! Phew..

The adding steak to the shopping list really resonates with me! My income has taken a massive hit due to lockdown and the way we have always organised our finances means I pay for all the food shopping. He keeps asking for beef joints and steak and expensive alcohol and it is annoying me SO MUCH. I also won’t miss meal planning only for him to waltz in from work and instantly ask ‘what’s for tea?’ Only for me to say is was planning x or I could make y or z’ and him pulling a face and saying ‘shall we just order a takeaway?’ So irritating.

One thing after I LTB was that I wasn't always on edge when he was out, just waiting for him to come in again and wonder what mood he would be in.

Plus everything everyone else has said, skiddy mattress particularly resonating unpleasantly with me.

Bliss.

How does it come to this ? Did none of you realise these men were so gross before you married them ? Or do they develop into this as time passes ? You all sound so sad and defeated and it makes me sad for you

@GinisLife in my case, no, I genuinely had no clue he would turn out to be so controlling. And yes, he's got steadily more disgusting as time goes on.