When I LTB...

[PickledLilly]

I’m currently in a relationship I’m planning on ending but stuck because of lockdown. To while away the hours, I’m playing a game of ‘when I LTB’ in my head. Every time he does something that annoys me, I smile sweetly and think to myself ‘when I LTB, I will/won’t do x’ it’s very therapeutic!

Lighthearted, anyone can join in, whether you’re planning on leaving, already left or love him really but are eyeing up the patio and wondering how big a hole you’d need to dig because you’re stuck in the house with him and he’s annoying you.

Some of mine are:
When I LTB I’m going to sleep diagonally across my bed and it have to listen to anyone snoring. I’m going to have control of my own TV remote and I’m mostly going to use it to turn the damn thing off. I’m going to be able to make some cheap easy dinners without complaints that unless there’s a load of meat in it, it’s not proper food. Oh and my food bills will massively decrease without him eating everything in sight!

Or have stuff like sellotape not just randomly shoved on a shelf or in a drawer where it doesn't normally live

I'm going to take my kids backpacking. With no one to complain the whole trip and point out everything that isn't perfect, or insist I can't even consider it bc I've had a bad back.

So after months of waiting, I’ve had the news that I can move in two weeks. Two weeks to sort my life out, tell him, tell the kids and go.

That's fantastic news. OP, are you married to this man? How do you think the children will take it?

I don't know wether I would tell him to be honest just leave him a letter

Fantastic news, hope it all goes smoothly. Xx

Not married but together ten years. I couldn’t just go without telling him, that would just feel too cruel. He’s going to be devastated and although I don’t want to live with him, I’ve shared ten years of history with him and had two children with him so I think it’s important to break up in a civil way so that we can Co-parent successfully going forward. I am not looking forward to that conversation though. The kids are going to take it badly, they’re only little (nearly 7 and nearly 4) and the smallest one certainly won’t understand. My eldest has really struggled with lockdown and all the changes so I’m worried this might all be too much for her though thankfully at least she is more of a mummy’s girl and it’s my little boy who favours dad.

Have you told him yet, OP? We are currently trying to get things in order here for him to move out, but everything is so hard in lockdown with all the uncertainty. Suppose we need to take the first step in order to just get it done. I am planning to tell my parents this week about my separation, it's quite a daunting thing.

Good luck with the move OP.
X

I've already LTB, and i'm especially enjoying:

Bed to myself
Telly to myself
Doing certain bits of housework when i want to do them
not being pestered for sex
being able to actually relax and enjoy my children, because i didnt for 3 years.
Being able to make veggie gravy to go with boiled spuds, veggies and salmon because i know its weird but the kids eat it all and i do and only one person didnt let me cook that for a tea
Being able to have visitors without him sitting in on the entire visit

Oh i could go on but that will do.

Oh and good look OP

I still haven’t told him no. I really need to do that.

He’s been a bit of an arse today so that helping the guilt a bit - nothing major, just the usual putting himself first and treating me as ‘default’ parent because his work is more important than mine

@PickledLilly
You sound as if you are with my ex husband !

Everything you have said sounds familiar, especially the bit where meals are not complete without meat in them !!

kgal3542 - you can have him back if he is, I don’t want him

I LTB over 20 years ago and I'm still enjoying all the above. Never gets old. [unlike me]

Hell yes to the meat. I will not miss cooking that and scraping the resulting piles of fat off the griddle.
I will not miss the action figures and terrible fantasy 'art'
I will not miss the good ol' country music
I will not miss the smoker's cough/gross retching noises for 2hrs every morning even though he doesn't smoke.
Thanks OP, this has been therapeutic. Best of luck!

I actually think I'm going to buy not just new bed covers, but a new bed altogether!

Enjoying not wondering what kind of a funk he's going to be in when he comes home. His snide remarks about other people. His one man, woe is me pity party about his terrible terrible life. Having to try and keep the kids quiet when he's meditating or asleep or just being useless. His endless hobbies and 'chores' which meant he wasn't available to parent or be a partner. His dark moods that take over the whole house. Eating cereal for tea if we fancy it.

It's so much less annoying knowing that it is just my job to clean the bathroom or empty the bin rather than waiting endlessly in deep resentment for him to do his bit. Now I clean the bathroom often with no resentments and enjoy having a clean bathroom.

Well, he knows I’m going. He was remarkably calm about it.

Good for you, PickledLilly. I wonder has it really sunk in for him yet, probably not. It only seems to have become real for my now ex DP because I've told my family about the separation, and I've begun organising finances etc.

Be strong- he needs to know you wont be changing your mind!

You sound resolute OP. Like you have had a total titful and then some. It can't have come as a real surprise to him. He must know he is treating you badly but was relying on your not having the balls to go through with it to keep his life sweet.

Why are they like it? So many men engage minimally and think it's OK.

How did that conversation go?

They are SO unoriginal, aren't they? The criticism about meals. The eggshells. The moods. The no time without the children to look after - only 'his time' and 'family time'. The chores he simply must do which always must be done alone so I am always doing my chores and watching the children at the same time. Left mine in November and although this has been the toughest year of my life (and that's before Covid) I wouldn't change it for anything.

@everythingbackbutyou I can relate so much to all of this. How old are your children? Mine are very young but I think it doesn't seem to matter once you know you are doing the right thing.

@daydreamer15 - kids are 12/4/2. With boring predictability he called me 'bitch' for the first time within a week of our eldest being born and became gradually more of an ass every day after that. If I'd had the courage to leave earlier, honestly still wouldn't have been deterred by age of kids. I do not lie when I way it is so much easier emotionally on my own.
ps - nobody needs to comment how they don't understand why you went on to have more kids with such an ass. They are right - they don't understand if they haven't been there.