When I LTB...

[PickledLilly]

I’m currently in a relationship I’m planning on ending but stuck because of lockdown. To while away the hours, I’m playing a game of ‘when I LTB’ in my head. Every time he does something that annoys me, I smile sweetly and think to myself ‘when I LTB, I will/won’t do x’ it’s very therapeutic!

Lighthearted, anyone can join in, whether you’re planning on leaving, already left or love him really but are eyeing up the patio and wondering how big a hole you’d need to dig because you’re stuck in the house with him and he’s annoying you.

Some of mine are:
When I LTB I’m going to sleep diagonally across my bed and it have to listen to anyone snoring. I’m going to have control of my own TV remote and I’m mostly going to use it to turn the damn thing off. I’m going to be able to make some cheap easy dinners without complaints that unless there’s a load of meat in it, it’s not proper food. Oh and my food bills will massively decrease without him eating everything in sight!

@ThePollutedShadesOfPemberley - you are right. It really can't come as a surprise other than in the sense that they totally underestimated your strength in telling them to fuck off and never come back. @PickledLilly, he may claim very convincingly that he is heartbroken, shocked, sorry blah blah. So did mine in November. Now he has thrown himself into a serious relationship and can barely muster up more than a sullen 'hello' when he picks up the children.

How you are doing ok OP. My "D"P left three days ago. We've been together 15 years and have to small DC. I was really starting to hate him and it was me who asked him to leave but for some reason I still feel incredibly sad that it's happened. I keep reminding myself of the perks.

The work surface ABOVE the dishwasher is not covered in his dirty plates/cups etc
His skid marked pants are not on the bathroom floor
There's no piss on the toilet seat
I don't have to wait for him to get up mid morning before I can shower
I can use the sofa in the morning because he isn't asleep on it
I don't have to listen to him shouting at DS within 10 minutes of playing with him
I don't have to watch him pick his nose AND EAT IT!
I could go on...

So many typos sorry, I am completely exhausted

Never having to virtually bang my head against a wall listening to his reasoning for never cleaning/tidying being "well it's already clean and tidy".

BECAUSE I CLEAN AND TIDY YOU FUCKWIT.

I will never ever live with a man again.

Ever.

Sorry...all the best @OP your life is about to get significantly better!

This is so weird, he alternating between moping and refusing to eat to then a thing like everything is normal. It’s all so confusing.

When I LTB I am going to be able to go where I want with my little family without being made to feel like I've left him out because all he wants to do at the weekend is spend Saturday with his first born (my DSS) and then go on the lash and veg on the sofa all Sunday ignoring me and his 2nd born.
No one is going to shout at me for trying to help.
No one is going to swear at me.
No one is going to call me names.
No one is going to embarrass me by being the drunkest person in the room.
I will cook what I fancy for tea instead of cottage pie, pork loin steaks, sausages and mash.
I won't feel like he should be helping instead of watching me struggle. Eg carrying pushchair upstairs with bad back, cooking dinner with screaming 1yo climbing my legs. Taking same 1yo on bike ride in the rain to exercise DDog because I can't walk more than 200yds @tm. All while he lies on the sofa watching crap on tv.

@PickledLilly my ex DP had form for this when I told him. He stayed in bed for two days and said he couldn't think straight and he needed to take time off work because he couldn't focus, then the next minute he would act normal, asking me pointless questions, trying to make conversation. It's just a complete lack of resilience and living in denial. They were well able to be thundering arseholes and dish out the shit treatment when it suited them though, weren't they? Funny that.

When I LTB he won't be able to come home drunk, turn everything I say into a fight, made snide remarks, ask me to justify myself, twist the answers and then pass out drunk.

Realised how much I've enjoyed him sleeping over in our ppl carrier the last few weeks when he's had a drink.

When I LTB I'm going to eat chocolate biscuits - and I shall do so whenever I bloody like without finding that he's hidden them or deliberately put them out of my reach.

Only a few more days to go...naturally he’s being absolutely charming now

Reading this feeling really upset but laughing too as I've spent 3.5yrs waiting for my ex bf to pull his finger out and us move in together as I miss all the above things.. And I broke it off on Monday due to realising its never going to happen😔