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Original poster

He's had three divorces.....avoid?

241 replies

user1467480231 · 07/05/2020 08:41

Have met a very charming man, however he has been divorced 3 times and at the end of last year his then partner (who he had his fourth child with) dumped him.
In all other ways he seems lovely, although I'm taking things EXTREMELY slow.
Thoughts?

OP posts:
Megatron · 07/05/2020 11:06

a very charming man

I'm sure he is. To lots of women.

VictoriaBun · 07/05/2020 11:12

I've been with my oh for over 20 years , I've been married once and he has twice, we are not married , but thinking maybe we will get round to it .
Take it slow ( not saying 20 years Grin ) don't have too many expectations and see what happens.

terrelontane · 07/05/2020 11:13

I'm all for giving people second chances and not judging them for one lapse of judgment, but this would be too much for me.

superstressy · 07/05/2020 11:16

Nope. He has 4 children and too many divorces. Doesn't seem like he's focused on them.

You could be his next victim.

heron20 · 07/05/2020 11:18

hmm I don't think I'd be going there.

I am old and despite having many boyfriends/flings/ons i have only had one long term co-habiting relationship and one (current) marriage.

Some people seem to throw themselves into commitment too quickly without working out if that person is the right one, or if the timing is good for a marriage.

Tread very carefully and go with your gut.

Techway · 07/05/2020 11:20

The Netflix drama, You has a quote from s woman to a man.. "You act very nice, because you are not".

This is accurate, perfect and charming are red flags often outward character of an manipulator.

He is also not taking any responsibility for the divorces.

Namechanged6547 · 07/05/2020 11:22

I suppose I’d question why he’s assuming marriage is the right thing every single time, it suggests either poor judgement or he’s not as lovely as he seems!
Tread carefully

Silentplikebath · 07/05/2020 11:27

I suspect his exes would tell you a different story!

Op, if you are not sure about this man because of his complicated past life don’t continue the relationship. My opinion is that however nice or charming he seems to be, wouldn’t you prefer to be with someone who has less baggage and who doesn’t love bomb you?

iolaus · 07/05/2020 11:40

You've met my father in law then? The one thing I would say about him in his favour is that even when his relationships have ended he's stayed in touch with his step children and still plays a fatherly role in their life (case in point he's not my husband's biological father) there are 7 kids who call him dad and he's only fathered two)

I'd be reluctant to get in a relationship with someone with that track record

Raidblunner · 07/05/2020 11:42

Amazing how the tone differs in this post to that of the woman with 3 failed marriages. Go and read that before listening to all these biased opinions. Strange how it's one rule for the boys and another for the girls.

SoupDragon · 07/05/2020 11:44

I'm not sure I would avoid him if I was having fun and enjoying his company but I would certainly be very wary and wouldn't be taking it very seriously.

saraclara · 07/05/2020 11:46

It's the declarations of love after one kiss that would bother me more.

DuMondeB · 07/05/2020 11:47

I’ve had two divorces (and am married to number 3) and I don’t think I’m particularly problematic (well, I wouldn’t, would I? 😂)

I’d want to know all the stories though, for instance, I don’t think my first one counts much as we were young and living on different continents when we met. If we could’ve just dated and maybe lived together we would’ve, but we needed the spousal visa to be able to live in the same place. No regrets, still in touch. He still lives in the U.K. and definitely doesn’t want to move back to the US!)

Chewbecca · 07/05/2020 11:48

It wasn’t unusual for men of that generation to get married very young and quickly. I would discount that.

Given what you want from a relationship, I don’t think I would run solely for this reason.

hellsbellsmelons · 07/05/2020 11:50

I either quit whilst I was ahead or agreed to be in a relationship with him
Why do you have to agree to be in a relationship?
Is he asking this of you?
If you don't want a full on relationship with him then tell him that.
Google 'love bombing', it's a massive red flag.
But this is your life.
You are not young and niaive so just tread carefully.
Personally... I'd run a mile!

LovelyLetitia · 07/05/2020 11:56

I think it's easy to assume a lot from what the stats say!
I know a man who falls into this category.

He did make many mistakes with his 3 wives, mainly jumping in too fast then either he and they found it was a mistake. He also had 2 engagements which he broke off. He was a man who always needed to be with 'someone' and at times 'anyone', it appeared.

Interestingly, the women wanted marriage more than he did and his weakness was to go along with it, even if he had some doubts.

He's now much older and in yet another relationship and I suspect he has matured a lot.

He never had children, so at least that was something to minimise all the fall out.

I'd be wary OP but give it a chance and see where it goes.

WaktiWapnasi · 07/05/2020 11:58

U-TURN, U-TURN - Danger up ahead!

Yallreadyforthis · 07/05/2020 11:59

Especially as you describe him as ‘charming’ which is quite often the pleasant side of the manipulative coin
Perfectly said

And what @SeriouslyRetro said

rosieposies · 07/05/2020 11:59

My mum has been divorced 3 times. She's the sweetest and most amazing woman I know, she's just got absolutely awful taste in men. I'm not sure it's a good indicator of a persons character.

radiall · 07/05/2020 12:00

wandering penis

Love it Grin

ScarfLadysBag · 07/05/2020 12:00

He's got more baggage than the left luggage department at King's Cross Shock

PaperbackRitur · 07/05/2020 12:01

With the early love bombing, charmer, and his track record, I’m predicting he’s a bit narcy.

skinnyhotchoc · 07/05/2020 12:01

Ha I deal with two baby mamas and that's hard enough. Run

FlamedToACrisp · 07/05/2020 12:01

He's 56 FFS! we don't all make perfect life choices when we're young, but more importantly, as we get older, we change.

I am 58, have a child by each of my two exes, have had 2 marriages, 1 LTR. 4 years, 13 years, 20 years. I don't have commitment issues - it's just that eventually each relationship ran its course. Was never unfaithful, did my best to be a good loving wife, each ex was sad to lose me in the end but remained on good terms.

He sounds normal to me, if somewhat smarmy!

EarlGreyT · 07/05/2020 12:06

He seems to suggest that he never found the right woman

Which is a load of crap. If he has never found the right woman, why did he keep marrying/having children with them? Anyone normal would have learnt their lesson from either failed marriage 1 or 2. Not go on to marry a 3rd and then have a serious relationship with a child with the 4th. This explanation is just not plausible.

He seems perfect... so I'm confused by the divorces
This together with the fact that he’s charming and his gushing declarations far too early on in your relationship are also big warning signs to me. I strongly suspect you’re not seeing the real him and that he has an unpleasant side which he’ll reveal once he has reeled you in.

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