He's had three divorces.....avoid?

[user1467480231]

Have met a very charming man, however he has been divorced 3 times and at the end of last year his then partner (who he had his fourth child with) dumped him.
In all other ways he seems lovely, although I'm taking things EXTREMELY slow.
Thoughts?

Omg he wants to get married again?! That says it all doesn’t it.

It could be four marriages and four divorces.

There's something so incredibly off about "I want to get married again and you'd be perfect"
He's not looking at you and thinking he wants you both to be together forever; he wants a new wife (being cynical, he wants a new ready made, sumptuously feathered nest to step into) and you've been cast as a suitable candidate for the role.
How can you resist??

At least he doesnt have this new disease commitment phobia.

He was honest? He blamed his wives didn't he? What personal growth did he show Tiagh? I'm glad so far so good though!

Have you had sex? Do you think he could be religious and doesn’t believe in sex before marriage or something? Perhaps he’s just wanting to feel he’s following the guidance of whatever religion he is in?

Clutching at straws really to understand him...

Well done OP, you’ve made the right decision.

I don’t whether to laugh or cry at him interviewing you for the position of wife/ partner number 5 and having already decided you are the perfect candidate.

Well, you passed the audition.
Take pride in that - and move on without looking back.

People slate those who have tied the knot and then it’s failed a few times. I’ve been in a ten year and a five year relationship so I could have been twice divorced by now had I tied the knot, but because I lived in sin and don’t have a bit of paper then somehow I’m a better catch? I’m not! My relationships have failed as much as anyone with a marriage cert.

The difference for me is that if you have a partner and don't marry, you're not making forever vows. There's an acknowledgement there that it might not last. I know that isn't the case for all partnerships - many people go into them hoping they will last. But with marriage, you generally stand up in front of your friends and family and vow to stay together until one of you dies, remaining faithful throughout. If you divorce, you break those vows.

Now I think there's a lot wrong with marriage as an institution and I think it's absolutely right that we can divorce. But I would be more wary of someone with 3 failed marriages behind them than 3 long-term partnerships which have ended. If you stand up and make those vows, you should try to stick with them. If you fail at it once or twice, well it happens. But I think approaching it for a third time you'd try really hard to get it right. And it's possible it might fail again through no fault of your own. It is however more likely that you're just someone who rushes into marriage without thinking it through properly.

You’ve dodged a bullet there OP.

There's something so incredibly off about "I want to get married again and you'd be perfect"

I totally agree with the poster who said this.

He hasn’t learnt anything from his failed marriages or the last significant relationship. He hardly knows you and is still willing to think about rushing into another marriage despite claiming the last 3 marriages failed because he hasn’t met the right woman yet. How can he be so sure you’re “perfect” when he hardly knows you? You don’t want to be wife and divorce number 4.

I think it depends on his age. My DP has 2 divorces. He got married at 20, and then again aged 30. He's now 42. Shit happens. I know why his marriages ended, and have met both ex wives. We've been together 6 years now, and we haven't rushed down the aisle.

Woah, just read your update (teach me to rtft) and I'd run. He's contemplating marrying you so quick? Nope!

ChocolateTea Yeah but that sort of proves the point. You have stayed in a committed relationshipM rather than taking lifelong vows because you know the risks. And you are minimising them by having a solid relationship first.

Wow, just read the update.

You’ve only been together a few months (if he was last dumped at end of year), and half of that is under lockdown, and he already has you lined up as wife number four! Eeeek!

is his name Henry?