He's had three divorces.....avoid?

[user1467480231]

Have met a very charming man, however he has been divorced 3 times and at the end of last year his then partner (who he had his fourth child with) dumped him.
In all other ways he seems lovely, although I'm taking things EXTREMELY slow.
Thoughts?

I disagree with the majority here - the example you gave of the last partner who he has a child by - you say she left him for some guy at work. He didn't leave her. And two of his marriages were 12 yrs long - if they were relationships rather than marriages would that make a difference?

I'm not saying you shouldn't be wary but I'd give him the benefit of the doubt for now and base your decision on whether to stay in a relationship with him on your own experience, does he treat you well, is he kind to you, do you have fun together etc. not on his past history.

Not harsh some of these replies. If he hasn't got married and just had '3 serious long term relationships' behind him people would almost certainly be saying different. I think what it says as he is obviously quite flippant over marriage. Or maybe he's not... Perhaps he gets serious with a woman and think getting married is the right way forward and then like other relationships it doesn't work out. Just take it slow (and don't marry him.... Yet!)

Trust your gut.

Best case scenario, you’ve got a Boris on your hands (immensely charming, completely unreliable when it comes to women).

Worse case, the immediate jump to ‘true love, I’ve never felt like this before’ can be a sign of someone who is abusive,

Since you are not looking for a full time partner / someone to settle down and have children with (in which case I’d say run a mile) you could always enjoy what he can offer - men like this can be a lot of fun for meals out and trips away. Just don’t try and rely on him in any way because chances are he’ll run a mile if you need him to provide emotional support.

Also, it doesn’t sound like you are planning to but don’t mix finances, i.e. move in with him.

So harsh

@Talia99 stop already with the 'abuse' (eye roll)

This thread has made me think I would never date anyone charming 😃

I think it all depends on when, how old he is and why.

As you said, he's mid 50s, so to have 3 serious relationships under his belt is quite normal.

My friend has a dh similar to yours, and she's his 4th wife. He got married very young because they had a dc on the way. Second one he proposed to as she wanted to get engaged, thought it would stop her asking about being engaged, she started to plan the wedding straight away, and he went along with it, it didn't last long at all. His third wife he was with for 10 years and they ended up friends rather than husband and wife so called it a day.

They are stupidly happy and coming up on their second wedding anniversary, the only thing she said she dislikes now is that she's the 4th Mrs X other than that he ticks all the boxes and no red flags

I wouldnt necessarily see it as a reason not to go out with him, but i definitely wouldnt marry him or have children

There's a reason he's got 3 failed marriages and a failed serious relationship behind him. Run, don't walk.

This a billion times over.

He's not a great Dad, btw. He has left a string of mothers to look after their children while he skites off with a new passionate love about whom he has "never felt the same way before".

@madcatladyforever......"possibly violent".....Where on earth did you get that from?! You must have a low opinion of people (men) if you think that a few failed marriages means he is violent! Its really unfair to assume that a person could be violent when nothing has been said to allude to that.

How funny, (well not funny) I watched the friends episode yesterday when Ross is asking who would want to date him with 3 divorces 😂

My ex husband is a serial monogamist, and it always ends the same way. Everything seems ok then one day he's gone like a gazelle over the plains, no explanation, doesn't take anything, just goes.
His problem was he is a lazy cock lodger, everything is fab and long as we were doing exactly what he wanted 24 hours a day and having sex every night.
Menial tasks like cleaning, cooking, managing finances, gardening or any day to day tasks were beneath him.
He was appalling with money, racked up debt constantly, splurged on credit cards, never saved, no pension, hid bills in his bag.
As soon as he realises his partner expects him to go to work, take responsibility, contribute and put stuff in the dishwasher he's off.
Sadly a lot of serial monogamists are only in it for the fum, when real life and planning for the future is expected they are bored and run away.

Some of these replies on here are really really harsh and judgey. If he was 30 and divorced 3 times and had flaky relationships with his kids and acrimonious relationships with his exes yes that's red flag worthy but he hasnt. At least he bothered to marry the mother's of hid kids. Serial players don't tend to. He could just be unlucky that his marriages didn't work. I have a relative who was twice divorced by 27. Sadly the first one wasn't willing to adopt (they couldn't have kids together) and the second was physically abusive to her. Her family put pressure on her to go onto the second marriage because she was pregnant. She's lovely but now has a tainted history and it's be horrible for her to be judged as you lot are judging this man

Is he Simon Cowell?

In the words of Frank Sinatra:

“I fall in love too easily.
I fall in love too fast
For it to ever last...”

That said he’s had a normal amount of relationships for a 56 year old, he just got married when other people wouldn’t have done (cf youthful folly)

Even without the red flags (all the previous history, being 'charming', love bombing as I believe it's known), it sounds like you each want something different from this relationship. That's enough to not let it go any further.

My rule was simple, I was only interested in someone who was the innocent party and knew what it was to have a long relationship. I have no idea if dp and I will stay together, hope so but can't predict the future but I wanted someone with staying power - some walk at the first sign of things getting tough.

@madcatladyforever......"possibly violent".....Where on earth did you get that from?! You must have a low opinion of people (men) if you think that a few failed marriages means he is violent! Its really unfair to assume that a person could be violent when nothing has been said to allude to that.

Calm down love. It's just a possibility, not definite. As we all know some men can be absolutely charming and wonderful until they are in a serious relationship then turn nasty. Men like this often have a string of relationships behind them. I'm just saying it's something OP should consider it is not a FACT!
If you've spent time in a refuge like I have it's the charmers who often turn.

I do know one person who is a 4th wife and seems very happy...it's a bad sign BUT not conclusive

Yes, he's very supportive (and financially) to the exes and adores his children with whom he has great relationships with. Never bad mouths the exes and keeps in touch with them all regarding the children
Given most of them are in their twenties and thirties, this sounds a little weird...

My ex is now on his fourth wife, he's been divorced three times for adultery. What were the grounds for his three divorces? Honestly I wouldn't touch him with a bargepole.

TBH I would think someone who entered into a relationship with someone with that kind of track record was a bit gullible/delusional.

I remember a few years ago just after me and DP got together we got talking to this couple and she was saying how he had four kids by three different women but it was now different for them as he’d never felt he loved someone until he met her. He did also have good relationships with his kids and the mothers of his children, but when we got home that night we both wondered how long they would actually stay together.I imagine not that long. .

I don’t necessarily think that charm is a sign of abuse even though it can be.But I do think that charm is just a bit unattractive because generally these charmers spin the same line to everyone and you’re almost certainly not special in that department.

In fact the fact he has good relationships with his ex’s points to him just being a bit of a charmer than an abuser. But I would still run a mile.

If the genders were the other way round in this example would people be so judgemental? I don't know. There are probably good things about him - we wouldn't know, you would OP. It sounds like you're looking for something casual, so I can't see the problem myself. To knock a relationship on the head just because of the amount of previous partners someone's had seems a bit arbitrary. On the other hand yes he does seem a bit keen to jump to commitment he can't keep up.

He’s love-bombing you.

You said ‘then partner’ and mother of his child, so effectively four failed serious relationships. Why did she dump him? What was the reason?

Tread with caution.