He's had three divorces.....avoid?

[user1467480231]

Have met a very charming man, however he has been divorced 3 times and at the end of last year his then partner (who he had his fourth child with) dumped him.
In all other ways he seems lovely, although I'm taking things EXTREMELY slow.
Thoughts?

I'm 48, he's 56. My kids are also grown up.
I have NO desire to get married again, nor live with a man, however I was looking for company and possible trips away etc.

Shows no signs he’s learned though does he? If you were the person who had the 4th baby I can perhaps see why she gave him a chance but he’s blaming that breakdown on her not turning out to be perfect so still no insight on his side.

If he didn't find the right woman then why keep marrying them?!

It could be that he has in the past been a bad judge of character. Has he worked on this? What would make his relationship with you different?

So he’s 56 with three adult children and a Younger child that he cares for half the time, right ? Because you said what a great dad he is, so I assume he has his youngest living with him.

I’m confused when you say he “ keeps in touch with the exs regarding the children “. If they are adults, surely he sees them himself?

Isn’t that what being a great dad is about - not phoning it in ?

No, the last women with the baby (now 6) left him for another man she was seeing at work.

3 divorces, 4 children . . .

RUN like the WIND!

Avoid eeek

Has also just finished 9 months of RELATE counselling.

He may be charming, a great Dad (!) and supportive to his all of his ex's but does he get bored easily, does he do a runner once a child is part of the relationship because he like to be no1 ? Run for the hills

He will always be penniless.

Do you know that to be true though on the 4th woman? Its a murky area isn’t it, one of the few areas of life where there’s no way to validate the stories. Do you want to have a 6 year old in your life half the time and be a step mum?

Presumably you're middle-aged too, and not looking for marriage, children, security, etc?

I'm always suspicious of gushing!

That said, my older brother, now 70 is on his 4th wife, and they've been together around 42 years.

Is his name Boris ?

I get the impression you’re going to continue to have a relationship with this man.

I wouldn’t go near him with YOUR barge pole, never mind mine.

@user1467480231 I can see the attraction of that position but I think it's difficult to maintain if you really like someone. I speak from experience!

My DFather is on his 5th wife. Plus one very long term relationship he didn't marry no other children that we know of

He is handsome, charming and fun to be around. He loves to be in love and I think each time he does believe in the initial attraction/aphrodisiac love feelings. he loves the rush and the buzz.
Usually had unpleasant over laps.
he just doesn't like it when it wears off and settles into "normal" life.
Very good friends with most of exes-

I wouldn't.

Narcissists also reverse victim and offender so if any of his stories are somebody mistreating him, unless you can get this verified, it will be the other way, so he met someone and left her. Again, be careful, if you don't really know him these aren't good signs

So he has a 6 year old who lives with him half the time, right? Or is it just one night and week and EOW?

And He spends lots of time visiting his adults kids , yes ?

I guess I’m trying to get a handle on why you say he’s a great dad when it sounds like in fact he’s a shit dad and well as a pretty poor husband and partner.

Although he’s very charming and gushes a lot. I bet he’s good looking and has a well paid job too.

Personally, given what you say about his age and the length of his previous marriages, I wouldn't necessarily rule him out on his history alone.

OP I married very young, early 20's. It ended very quickly. Stupid thing to do TBH. I met my wife and have been happily married since. I would ignore his first marriage if he was married for such a short period of time. He ex cheated on him and left him. Hardly his fault. His 2 other marriages were 12 years each so hardly a commitment issues otherwise they'd be shorter.

If you don't want marriage or living together then tell him you only want companionship. Joint holidays etc and the occasional weekend stay over. Nothing more. If you don't want more than this I don't see how his previous relationships will have any bearing on yours as you don't want marriage or living together.

I have a friend who has now been married 5 times and he's my age - 45. It's always 'the one that got away, we've reconnected!' (2 so far) Or 'nobody has ever made me feel like this before' (last one) he's a terrible husband the minute the rushed fairytale falling in love and getting married bit is over. To be honest after the 4th divorce I've lost all respect for him and his 'turns out she's crazy!' In fact I wouldn't say he's a friend anymore!

To be honest, the reason why I asked the initial question was to get some feedback from other people on MN. I was in doubt and was at the stage whereby I either quit whilst I was ahead or agreed to be in a relationship with him.
I'm very grateful for all your opinions and they have confirmed what I was feeling in the back of my mind.

Clearly being charming is a front. There is probably nothing behind the front, I expect he is selfish, mean with money, doesn't care about the kids, sees women as maids, possibly violent, you just have to ask yourself why 4 other women didn't want him even with children in tow.
I'd be off.

Run.