How does everyone feel about p0rn?

[warmsummersday]

Hi. Im feeling abit insecure at the mo, OH works away in the week and all I can think about for the past couple of weeks is porn and I don't like the idea of him looking at it. I don't know why. Obviuosly I know he looks at it, just like everyother tom dick and harry! I have some but for me to look at it is fine in my head. Can someone reasure me and make me feel better please?

Gay male porn follows the same scenario has het porn - one is dominant and one is submissive and is used as such. However it's a red herring as what is being discussed here is heterosexual porn which is what most women are having to deal with their partners using. Can you not stick to the topic in hand?

As for men in porn being exploited - if they were subject to double penetrations, ejaculate on their faces, having to scream with their pretend orgasms and a whole lot of stuff that is unrepeatable here then yes, I'd say they were being exploited. As those things don't happen to men in het porn then no I don't think they are - at least not to the same extent women are.

"You have your head stuck in the dark ages, where sex was a taboo."

You've confused pornography and sex. You've also got your head stuck in the past where men get to dominate and use women sexually and women are supposed to lap it up and pretend to enjoy it in order to keep their man.

So what would you like to see E, men and women, women and women, men and men all "making love"?
Is that how you have sex, cause I like having rough sex as well as making love and I don't feel that my dh is degrading me when he does it.

Actually gay male porn is relevant as you were claiming women in the porn industry are being exploited. That industry includes male gay porn.

As for people being upset/annoyed at their dh/dps using porn, I have already said that if they have issues with it then they should discuss it with their partner and come to an arrangement that they can both live with. That may be the partner agreeing not to look at porn.

Personally I think most women who have a problem with their partner looking at porn have their own insecurities. I personally think the porn is somewhat irrelevant to that issue. Perhaps they need to gain more self confidence. I'm not saying that is true of all women but it's certainly true of some.

Actually I enjoy a dominant partner. My dh is more inclined to be gentle and loving. It's me that asks for rougher sex. Being the "submissive" half does not make me any less respected as a woman.

i have to go make dinner now, but i will leave you with a thought.

i wouldn't mind being in porn film or 2 but do they have a market for "Jiggly belly porn"?

Your logic sucks. The existence of gay porn doesn't make women in porn any less exploited.

As for blaming women for objecting to their their husband's porn use, I'd say actually they were quite confident as they are brave enough to listen to their own feelings rather than to the brainwashing that claims that porn is fine and it's people who don't like it that have the problem. A lot of women go along with it because they are too scared to stand up for themselves or are frightened of confronting a man who is behaving like an asshole.

I didn't say it made women less exploited...if you actually read what I'd put you'd see I said that you can't say it is solely women who are exploited.

You'd also see that I said not all women have those insecurities. If a woman doesn't want her dh/dp looking at porn because she has a moral objection to it, that's fine. I fail to see however why a man should not be "allowed" to look at porn purely because his partner feels she doesn't compare to the women in porn films.

I mean, should her dh/dp not be allowed to walk down the street in case there's a prettier woman around? Should he be banned from going to the pub in case someone with bigger breasts is behind the bar? Should he be told he can't go to work in case there's a skinnier woman in the office?

And what about men fantasising about other women while they are with DW, that is still gonna happen weather there is porn or not.

personally i would prefer to watch porn with my dh and enjoy it with him than him have to sneak about and D.I.Y.

As for women being exploited, the can exploite me any day for the type of money they make

Am I pretending to like being dominated

so where is your line elisabeth? anais nin delta of venus? porn or erotica. very explicit, involves domination of women by women and men. animals. is it ok? if not, where are you going to draw the line? henry james?

elizabeth i think you need to look at why porn 'offends' women? thereis non exploitative pornography out there, made by women, with a female viewer in mind, is that ok?

if it isn't it all starts to look very insecure and controlling to my mind.

kneehighinnappies,

For all your supposed liberation you say a couple of interesting things that are interesting

1. You compare the use of porn by men to their day-to-day interaction with women.

That is so unbelievably weird. It implies that you think all women a man sees are seen by him as possible sexual objects. That's the same argument as is used for forcing women to wear burqas. It's not exactly terribly liberating for women, is it?

Can't you see the difference between masturbating over pictures of women performing sexual acts and walking past women in the street? That it's perfectly reasonably and logical to have a problem with one and not the other?

2. You say that you'd rather use porn with your husband because if you didn't he'd HAVE TO (your words) sneak around and do it DIY

So your supposed choice to enjoy porn seems less of a choice and more of an acccommodation with something you think your husband would do even if it bothered you and even if it involved lying to you.

How very liberated.

Both things really bear out Elizabetth's point about porn being normalised to the point where women are convinced they must put up or shut up as ALL men do it and if they say they don't they're lying, and it's totally healthy and wonderful and any objections to it are made by controlling and insecure women.

Personally I think porn is super tacky. I have some ethical concerns about it, but mostly I just think it's kitsch and fake and cheap and sad. If you like it cool, although if you don't make sure you're not enjoying the exploitation of damaged or trafficked women then I think less of you for that.

I just think that calling women insecure because they don't like their husband/partner using porn is lazy. It's far too prevalent to be written off. If that many women are that insecure, then there are other important questions to answer about what it is in our society and the way it's structured to make women so worried about their bodies.

Actually I think KHIN's point is that men see women on the street who they find attractive and that fantasising about those women is no different to fantasising about the women who feature in porn films.

I'd also hazard a guess that the women who don't like their dh/dp's looking at porn wouldn't be too happy that their dh/dp was wanking over someone he saw in the street either.

Perhaps porn is "normalised" but personally I think sex is normal.

It is a current issue in today's society that many women are insecure. Maybe it's thin women in fashion magazines, maybe it's all the pretty faces on tv. It definitely is not solely due to men using porn.

As for the exploitation issue, people are exploited all the time for other people's benefit. That doesn't make it right but many of the women complaining about their dh/dp's use of porn are still buying their clothes from companies that use cheap underpaid, exploited workers. That is hypocrisy.

"if it isn't it all starts to look very insecure and controlling to my mind"

How funny, controlling how I'd describe the blokes who see something they like the look of in porn then wheedle and cajole or sulk and nag until their partners go along with it - whether it's anal sex or ejaculating on their partner's face or any other uncomfortable humiliating practice. They're not interested in their partner's sexual pleasure, they're interested in their own and they are willing to use the relationship to manipulate their partner into agreeing to let them do it to her.

As for insecurity, maybe women who have partners who look at porn have something to be insecure about - have you ever thought about that? You seem to be seeing everything through a male lens at the moment, where the women feelings are always wrong and anything the bloke does must be fine.

"Perhaps porn is "normalised" but personally I think sex is normal."

Porn is not sex. I'll repeat it - porn is not sex.

It is perfectly possible to have a sex life without pornography ever entering into it. In fact a lot of porn users don't have sex with their partners because they are too busy wanking to what they find on the internet. If you investigate porn addiction you will find this is quite common.

Right skidoodle, get your facts right before you post, for one thing it was not me who made the point about dh seeing other women walking down the street.

And on the second point that you raised, I do think you are missing the point I was trying to make.
I don't look at porn because dh does, I have always enjoyed looking at it and so has he, he still looks at it by himself as do I, but now we share it together aswell, and it is alot more enjoyable when you have someone to share with.
It has actually help our sexual relationship, we don't have any insecurities about our sex lives and we can be totally honest and open about what we like and don't like.

If a man (or woman for that matter) saw something in a porn film and his partner was not happy to go along with it, then he shouldn't force the issue. That however, is not the issue here. There is nothing wrong with a man (or a woman) seeing something in a porn film and wishing to act on that in reality.

There is nothing wrong with
a) using porn to get ideas
b) using porn alongside a relationship

While some people may get addicted to porn, that is also true of alcohol. Perhaps you wouldn't let your dh/dp drink either?

I also fail to see how a man looking at porn is any more likely to create insecurities in their partner than him looking at other women in the street/at work.

Again, I'll say it is not only men who use porn.

"the trouble is that so much porn is about force and degradation of women you inevitably have to ask uncomfortable questions about it."

That depends on your definition of force and degradation.

Personally I like rough sex and don't see the sort of stuff that's in porn films as degrading. In fact it's the sort of stuff I like doing...I like anal, I like a man to ejaculate over me. Am I being degraded? No, because it's what I like. It turns me on.

Just because someone likes a fantasy doesn't mean they'd like it in rl either. Porn is acted and the actresses are paid for doing it. It's a way of experiencing a fantasy that you might not be able to in rl.

Ok so if i like looking at porn what does that say about me and my attitude to women?

OK KHIN, you're right sorry, I mixed up the point about walking down the street and fanstasing about other people. I guess I'm wondering where the other people to fantasise about come from if not from day-to-day life? To me those are two pretty similar points to raise, but you're right, I should have checked.

On the second point, I understood what you were trying to say, I just found it interesting that you used the old "well he'd do it anyway and behind my back" thing. You did say that, I'm pretty sure.

Regardless of how much you enjoy porn, I still find it interesting that you have that attitude to your DH's use of it. Do you really think that he HAS to do it, regardless of your feelings? Because that's what your wrote.

If you enjoy using, then fine. Although as I said, I hope you can make sure you're not getting off to pictures of other women being abused.

If it's helped your relationship and nobody else it getting hurt then I can have no issue.

I do get the sense though that you are implying that your sex life is more honest and open than the sex lives of those who don't use porn. I can't really compare such matters as it's meaningless, but I've always found it very easy to be honest about what I like sexually, including the fact that porn makes me either laugh or yawn.