How does everyone feel about p0rn?

[warmsummersday]

Hi. Im feeling abit insecure at the mo, OH works away in the week and all I can think about for the past couple of weeks is porn and I don't like the idea of him looking at it. I don't know why. Obviuosly I know he looks at it, just like everyother tom dick and harry! I have some but for me to look at it is fine in my head. Can someone reasure me and make me feel better please?

They do it when they're at their own meetings though, madamez, when they don't have an axe to grind -

"At the 2003 meeting of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, two-thirds of the 350 divorce lawyers who attended said the Internet played a significant role in divorces in the past year, with excessive interest in online porn contributing to more than half of such cases. "This is clearly related to the Internet," says Richard Barry, president of the association. "Pornography had an almost nonexistent role in divorce just seven or eight years ago.""

Forest Fern: it's becasue I care about friends and colleagues that I dislike seeing them traduced by idiots spouting the same old nonsense.

pormography in intself shouldn't be classed as evil becuase people access it and ruin their relationships over it - if this were the standard we would have no music, no films, no art and censorship would rule.

if a relationship breaks down due to overuse of porn then i would suggest that there is fundementaly more going on than that - i would sugggest things to do with communication, openness, time, adiction, pressure are all key words that would factor.

it hink we shoudl seperate the medium from these statistics - becase there isn't a coutner stat to "prove" that there are lots of people who are fine or activley enjoy it.

Elizabetth: so that's one third of 350 lawyers' cases (and only 350 lawyers attended this conference, out of all the millinos of divorce lawyers there are in the US? DOesn't suggest that it's particularly prestigious or well-known). That's not actually a lot in terms of proving anything about anything. It's just an attention-seeking quote.

At first the porn did make me feel insecure and stuff but I did throw a blind eye to it. Them it got all out of hand.

His mates stag do was in budapest ~ they went to an audience participation sex club and I know all the other lads joined in. I was at home with our first child who was only 2 mths old! I only found out when I was preg with DS(second child) and was gutted...

Then I expressed my hurt, anger and just everything about the porn/sex etc... Now, this week I find hisotry of websites with escorts in our area offering sex etc... video clips/pics of pretty hardcore stuff, not just your run of the mill boobs and bums. One escort was just 30mins away! He of course has denied it all. I have no real proof. Same as the Budapest that HE joined in even though everyone else did and semi bragged about it all. I just guess that pon does/can ruin some relationships. It can lead to wanting more. Which I suspect this is the case.

Elizabeth. Absolutely. Divorce in America.

But yes the role is now evident.

My own partner now since - Amercian business trips - Amsterdam - business - the cause for the end! Escalating perversion.

Has the internet been responsible for pandering to a male weakness? Or has it revealed things that we would rather not know about our male partners? That is the ultimate question. There is a lot of depravity in the history of our nation. Rome. Lucretius. Have we uncovered some of it? Will we have a way in future of filtering out the best guys - more effectively.

How much can a woman today truly rest? With all of this. Women are brave. Men play rubgy in peace times. As if waiting ...

It is the feeling that "sex is out there". Not with the girlfriends/the mothers/the lovers ... but with the "others".

You cannot change the "no knickers man".

He has issues that are not your problem. Maybe umbilical ... anything ...

Move on.

The porn doesn't ruin the relationship. The selfish, arsehole wanker with the self-control and self-respect of a sewer rat is what ruins a relationship.

Forest fern - sex is out there. At least, the world is full of other people with whom a person might choose to have sex. Whether or not a person chooses to do so depends whether or not that person has chosen to enter into and remain in a monogamous relationship or not, it has nothing to do with any pictures (moving or still) that an individual might see.

I work on the fact that mu dh promised 'forsaking all others' when he married me. That's ALL others, not just those he happens to know in rl.

Porn has come up as an issue a couple of times in our relationship, and we have talked it over - he knows I don't like it, he knows why, he chooses not to do it because loving me is more important to him than indulging his caral urges.

We do have a pretty active sex life, but he knows how I feel. He's prepared to do it my way (no porn) because he loves and respects me.

Not all men look at porn, its not the "norm" some just do and some dont. I personally are very unreasonble, i dont mind watching it on my own but if my dp watches it thats not on. We used to send each other porn via emails (he works away)but since i had my baby im totally insecure so he wont look at it now.

I'm pretty much with Elizabetth on this. I've been making the argument for years about how much it upsets many women and how they are made to feel stupid and unreasonable for not wanting their partner to spend time masturbating over pictures of other women.

Women seem mostly to justify their husbands' porn use to themselves (and the same also applies to strippers) by saying that "it's not real", and that the women involved are "not real women" and therefore it's OK. This justification seems to come in part from the men who use it.

To me it utterly degrades both women (wife and other) to pretend that women in porn or strippers are not real. They are real women and if you're OK with your husband getting off by looking at other women then I have no argument with you. But denying those women their humanity to justify your husband's habits is pathetic (in the sad way], not to mention clearly an attempt to convince yourself of something that is not true.

pmsl at some of this sorry....

banning an adult from LOOKING at other consenting adults having sex....that's really going to work isn't it, whether in the context of legislation or a marriage? NOT.

Agree that some porn is degrading. Some sexual relationships are too. ABsolutely disagree that all pornography involves the degradation of women (for eg. graphic fisting involving a real life lesbian couple who enjoy being filmed....can you explain to me who is being degraded there? despite the non-vanilla content?)

Yes there is a political dimension to this debate: workers in the sex industry need protection from exploitation same as all workers in all industries.

but porn per se being unacceptable in a marriage....all I can say is that I'd hate to be married to someone that was so incredibly insecure they banned or tried to censor/control what I choose to watch/look at in private involving consenting adults. THAT would be completely unacceptable to me.

are you going to ban your partners from fantasising too? whoops sorry, you can't actually use mind control yet can you.

Elizabetth thank you so much for stating what you have so clearly. I've had twenty years since university women's groups believing the same thing. So depressing to see porn's influence everywhere.

How many people know that the Brazilian waxing, for example, is derived from porn images? Real women who do not use porn are under pressure to conform to these images now. I worry for myself and my daughters.

feminist porn

Hee, hee, "feminist" porn uses exactly the same dehumanizing imagery of a woman's body as the bog standard common-or-garden woman-hating porn does. You'd think at the very least they'd be using an image of a hot man. Banging a "feminist" label onto pornography doesn't make it any less misogynist than standard porn.

As for "banning" something in a marriage - if someone knows that their habit causes their partner a great deal of grief and pain, why would they want to keep doing it for the sake of a quick wank? That doesn't seem an "adult" way to behave, that seems selfish and juvenile to me.

Curiouscat, you're welcome. I think most women don't like porn or it makes them uncomfortable because at some level they are well aware of the woman-hating it contains and promotes. The sad thing is we are shamed into not saying anything lest we be called "idiots", "prudes" or "controlling".

made by women, with a female audience in mind, seems to me very different.

and what 'dehumanising imagery' exactly are you talking about????

I don't like Porn at all and DP doesn't view it as he knows i have insecurities and i have certain views about it, he knows it ould upset me.

He claims that it does nothing for him and knowing dp as i do, i belive him.

hate it.
think it's horribly exploitative to the women involved.
don't like the idea of DH getting his rocks off over exploitation.
luckily DH doesn't mind having a feminazi wife

Hate nuts and zoo more though.
normalization of porn values
yuk

Is it just the women in porn that you feel are exploited? What about the men that feature in it too...are they being exploited? Or is it fine because "they're men"?

If someone's dp/dh/dw has a problem with them using porn then it's the same as with all marital issues, they should discuss it and come to an agreement that they are both happy with.

Haven't read thread yet but pmsl at seeing a thread on porn in active convos with last post by nutty!! Who'd have thought

Sorry expect this has all got quite heated and serious hasn't it

As you were people

That is so funny pesha, i was thinking the exact same thing, nutty and porn!!!!

Me and dh both enjoy watching porn and I'm not ashamed of it. It turns me on and I enjoy it, nothing wrong with that and I do also have a good imagination but the two aren't mutally exclusive.

I've watched porn on my own a number of times and so has dh, again I don't see the problem with that.

We are both very opened minded though and talk about everything included all aspects of sex, fantasies and who we find attractive.