Thread 2 ow/emotional affair/pregnant

[Cupcakesaregood]

Hi @Bunnyfuller I'm a way I could almost forgive a physical affair more? If it has just been emotional (for the moment) then that just shows the pull she has on him.

I always wanted two children. So did my H at some point when he was happy. I know this new addition isn't going to fix anything. I think part of me just thought well maybe he's going along with it because he does want me. But I'm thinking now it's more because I went on and on about wanting another. Which explains that message I found saying to her that there are things going on that mean trouble for him.

Do I want to call her? Yes. Because I know if I tell her I'm pregnant it will hurt her and she will go. I'm stopping myself though because what I've learnt is I have forced my hand too much in this situation. He needs to make these steps not me. He obviously cares very much about losing her. It's almost like he's protecting her more

Oh @backseatcookers thank you for checking in, your tough love has been missed. What do you make of the latest update? And thank you for your support x

Thank you @Artandlove @AliasGrape for your posts today, they have really helped x

Honestly the bitch in me would tag him and her in a twitter pregnancy announcement but hat may not be useful.

“My darling husband, myself and good friend (OW) are sooo excited about baby Y”

@OneForMeToo :) this made me smile

I remember this from several weeks ago . Why would you do this - pregnant and living like this ? It can't be good for your health . You almost seem to enjoy people's attention and go seeking their comments. You are amazingly calm .There's something not quite right here ...

@TheStuffedPenguin oh go away you troll. I'm calm because I have to be for my toddler and my babies sake. I've been crying all day, would you like me to broadcast it and I've come onto Mumsnet for advice. So sure, I'm absolutely fine. Go away.

@TheStuffedPenguin oh and I like people's attention? If that were the case I'd be broadcasting how u happy I am about the situation. Go away

@TheStuffedPenguin oh and one other thing. You're right, I have asked for help because there are actually some lovely people on here who have helped me and I'm beyond grateful. Now, fuck off.

[quote Cupcakesaregood]@TheStuffedPenguin oh go away you troll. I'm calm because I have to be for my toddler and my babies sake. I've been crying all day, would you like me to broadcast it and I've come onto Mumsnet for advice. So sure, I'm absolutely fine. Go away. [/quote]
I'm not a troll - my posts are out there . It's not me you should be telling to fuck off . If indeed your life is as you say then you really need to resolve this situation asap.

@TheStuffedPenguin if indeed my life is how I say it is? I wish it wasn't like this! Get lost. You aren't welcome

Did I miss the bit where it says " you are only allowed to comment if you agree with the OP" ?

@TheStuffedPenguin a lot of people haven't agreed with me? Go away, you're vile

Op has had a lot of opinions which are definitely not in agreement or what she’d like to here.

My last post reads like I would leave if this was my decision but I mean more if I’d decided to go I would wait for a better time. What I’d do is focus on myself and put enough distance that he can’t cause all this emotional turmoil. I actually think if you told him to go that he’d not leave. The other woman hasn’t been enough to make him go either.

Thank you @Artandlove

Hi Op, I’m so sorry to read your latest update.

So he’s back in communication, couldn’t stay away...He’s lied to you again and will likely continue to do so. I’m so very sorry. You don’t deserve this.

I know that you aren’t ready yet, but I hope one day you gather the strength to leave him and make a life of your own, where you’ll be someone’s everything.

I don’t think this is going to change until he changes it though and it may be that he eventually leaves first.

I’m sorry that you are so unhappy.
You won’t be able to change your husband I’m afraid. The only person you can change is you. So I stand by what I have said in the past and that is, that you would be better off if you were able to move on.

Can I ask a quick question? Why do you think it would make things worse for you if the ow knew that you were pregnant?

Sending hugs xx

Hi @DBML so comforting to see so many of you on here and thank you.

It was when he said she was special to him and that he wants her in his life that really got me.

In regards to her knowing I'm pregnant..it wouldn't be worse for me. I want her to know so hopefully she goes I just can't do it myself, in all honesty I don't have the balls to do it.
In some of the original messages from her to him, she said if we had another baby she would leave. (I promise this isn't why I pushed for a second but of course it was in the back of my mind)
In the messages I found yesterday, he still has not told her. However - he did say this:
That he was going to call her when he could because there are 'so many things he wants to say to her but it won't come out right on a message' and she needs to hear that 'he's being genuine'. I believe this is him going to tell her we are having another baby and him saying it might make her stay rather than him texting it if that makes sense? Remember when I fixated on the number before? Which you were all right about..but it would make things easier just for him to say we are having another baby and then block her so not only has he not done that, he's going to the trouble of calling her so she can hear how he sounds when saying it and in that hope that she won't leave..this is the way I see it anyway

Aw op, that’s so heartbreaking for you.
I completely get why you wanted another baby. It probably felt like it would solidify your family and in fairness, even the hardest of us would have hoped that it might just get rid of the ow.

He’s a fool. He doesn’t deserve you remember that.

I don't like when people critique an OP's personality. OP doesn't seem calm to me as such anyway, she seems understandably sad and upset.

Of course she's going to appreciate people's support- there's nothing wrong with that.

@Cupcakesaregood

I think you have to accept he will never, ever block her. Not permanently. He just won’t do it. You need to accept that and either find a way to live with it or start to mentally prepare yourself for leaving him.

Hi @NoMoreDickheads nice to see you :) I just can't broadcast how upset I actually am, that other poster has been at me before, it's disgusting. I came on here with a genuine problem and I've been told things that of course I don't want to hear but the honesty (from people like you) has meant so much

Hi @crispysausagerolls I know, I realise this now. Would you agree that it would have been easier though for him to just text her the news, so the fact he's going to the trouble to do it so she can hear his voice says a lot to me - I hope this makes sense

I've just read this whole entire thread, and honestly this is going to sound like some tough love but what are you expecting to get here from this situation? You keep asking questions your gut instinct has already given you the answer to. Your not clueless, you know what this is/ isnt and where you stand in it all yet you continue to drag yourself through this horrible inevitable end. I dont understand why, why wait for him to call the shots? Why not take back some control in this and do what's best for yourself instead of putting yourself through this emotional torture? I know your pregnant, but even more reason to now think about what's best here, not only for yourself but your future child. You can clearly see this isnt healthy or doing you any justice so why would it for a baby? You both tried to hold it together for your first child but you both know it's not working, it's okay to say enoughs enough. I hope you manage to gather the courage to better your life, because believe it or not there is better out there for you it's just when your ready to start working on it.

I think it’s much more beneficial for him to call her. Then he can sweet talk her about it and have a proper discussion/twist her ear and knows you won’t read what he has said. If I were him I would 100% want to call - soften the blow etc.

Hi @crispysausagerolls yes I believe you're right. One of the messages said that he tried to put it into words but doesn't come out right and 'needs her to hear it's genuine'