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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Thread 2 ow/emotional affair/pregnant

324 replies

Cupcakesaregood · 06/05/2020 14:20

Hi @Bunnyfuller I'm a way I could almost forgive a physical affair more? If it has just been emotional (for the moment) then that just shows the pull she has on him.

I always wanted two children. So did my H at some point when he was happy. I know this new addition isn't going to fix anything. I think part of me just thought well maybe he's going along with it because he does want me. But I'm thinking now it's more because I went on and on about wanting another. Which explains that message I found saying to her that there are things going on that mean trouble for him.

Do I want to call her? Yes. Because I know if I tell her I'm pregnant it will hurt her and she will go. I'm stopping myself though because what I've learnt is I have forced my hand too much in this situation. He needs to make these steps not me. He obviously cares very much about losing her. It's almost like he's protecting her more

OP posts:
Cupcakesaregood · 25/06/2020 12:06

@SandyY2K my h never shows any affection so him using those words says a lot to me

OP posts:
Newwayofthinking · 25/06/2020 12:17

Cup Cake

Without sounding harsh....he doesn't want you, he wants her, he will always want her.

Even if you locked him up and took away all means of communication, he would still want her.

Stop torturing yourself and him, and ultimately your children. Let him go and both find happiness elsewhere.

IveGotFrills · 25/06/2020 12:18

@Cupcakesaregood

Hi everyone, I hope you are all well. I thought I'd stay off here and not update anyone until I actually had something to update with. Before I say it though I want to thank everyone again. Your honesty, straight forwardness etc has really helped. So here's what's been happening:

We've been keeping it together for our son, but I've been able to tell his mind has been somewherelse. I checked his phone again 2 weeks ago and he tried to call her. The call only lasted a couple of seconds so was it to just hear her voice? I'm not sure.

Over the past week I confided in a techy friend, and she told me how to sync my iPad so I can get his WhatsApp messages. So I did it. There had been nothing for a week..until today.
He sends her a photo with the caption 'Happy Memories'. The photo is of their team when they worked together.
He apologised for not being in contact for a few months. (Remember we guessed that was the case) she seemed happy to hear from him. He said he had tried to call her a couple of times. Their convo was mundane, but you could tell she was happy he contacted her. He then left the convo without saying night/bye, so quite abruptly. He still hasn't told her I'm pregnant. (Please don't respond with you need to tell her, I'm trying to keep my stress as low as poss) will he contact her again?
Sorry for the long read but you've all been so helpful, thought you should know

Did you sync by scanning a QR code on your device with his phone OP?
Cupcakesaregood · 25/06/2020 12:22

Hi @Newwayofthinking don't worry I'm not sat here staring at their convo I just wanted to see what is being said. In a weird way it makes me feel better knowing than not knowing. I do have a lot of thinking to do but I can't do it right now. I need to wait until after the birth. Because let's face it, things are just going to get harder.

I was just wondering why he was being coy back with her, it's clear he wants her. But to be honest my h doesn't really use affectionate language so the fact he's calling her 'special' says a huge amount? He still hasn't told her. I'm desperate to tell her but I fear that will cause more harm for me than good

OP posts:
Cupcakesaregood · 25/06/2020 12:23

Hi @IveGotFrills I got sent a link and I had to put my H number in, my friend did it all for me as she is tech savvy and I'm definitely not!

OP posts:
BurtonHouse · 25/06/2020 12:37

But nothing has changed since you first posted:
He loves her.
He doesn't love you.
He wants to be with her.
He's unhappy with you.
You're unhappy with him.
You can't keep putting your head on the sand and hoping it will all go away.
With the best will in the world (and despite sounding horribly harsh I do feel for you) you are going to have to DO something at some point, otherwise he and she will move on to a full blown affair and you'll still be playing ostrich.

Dozycuntlaters · 25/06/2020 12:46

Hey honey, was sad to read this update although really you knew it would happen didn't you.

I hope you are ok xx

Cupcakesaregood · 25/06/2020 12:47

Hi @BurtonHouse yeah I agree. I was just wondering why he was being coy with her - it's clear he has feelings for her and as other posters have explained to me this was why he kept her number made the twitter account etc. I just found him being coy interesting

OP posts:
Cupcakesaregood · 25/06/2020 12:47

Hi @Dozycuntlaters so happy to hear from you. Yes I did, I will PM you

OP posts:
SandyY2K · 25/06/2020 13:18

He's being coy because he can't or won't offer her what she wants...which is a full time proper relationship, where she's not hidden..as he would have to leave you.

He's kind of keeping her in the background....throwing in his comments about memories etc...but essentially nothing has changed in terms of his status.

He continues to be unhappy...he continues to profess his feelings for her in one way or another...yet he continues to do nothing about the situation.

In the world of affairs...the kind of MM that does this isn't looked upon favourably..because he resets the pain for the OW... he gets back in touch with nothing to offer and if he truly cared for her..he wouldn't be so selfish as to resurface...when they've been NC.

"Dont contact me again until you're divorced" is what they're advised.

Keep safe CC.

Artandlove · 25/06/2020 13:19

It’s far easier for us on the outside to pass comment and say do something about it however it’s far harder when you are involved in it and trying to make sense of it all.

I know your husband and family staying together means so much to you. I think at this point you should stay with him (for now) and start to build your new life without him - You and your children, you and your friends/family and possibly some new interests and groups. Start to cut off emotionally from him and if things move forward with time to bring you both to a better place together then great but if not then you are in a far better place when the split eventually happens.

Littlegoth · 25/06/2020 13:40

I’m so sorry this has happened x

Cupcakesaregood · 25/06/2020 13:59

@Littlegoth thank you x

OP posts:
Cupcakesaregood · 25/06/2020 14:00

@Artandlove @SandyY2K I know. We will separate eventually. The thing is j think he is keeping her there for that reason and agree with what you're saying about a half response from him, but I think he's too shit scared to tell her anything

OP posts:
NewNewt · 25/06/2020 17:17

What about bringing it all into the open? Tell him all this? What have you got to lose? How dare he get you pregnant and then treat you like this - tell him how much he's hurt you?

Artandlove · 25/06/2020 22:36

I don’t believe the split is inevitable because if it was going to happen then it would’ve happened by now. I think if you focus on you and your life without him then he’ll notice the shift in you and know your not going to always stand by him no matter what. Focusing on you can only be positive regardless of what happens.

You are getting bogged down with whether or not she knows about the baby on the way. Either way that isn’t going to help the situation between you and him. If she doesn’t know then she’ll find out soon enough. However your first child hasn’t made her go away so I doubt a baby on the way will make a difference either.

Wowthisisreal · 26/06/2020 10:10

Very true @Artandlove.

I've been following this thread for a while OP and have been paying attention in particular to your responses OP and would like to say this.

OP is YOUR life and YOU choose how YOU want to live it. I know a few of marriages where one or the other has been unfaithful or has an emotional affair and they stay together. I try not to judge. I know lots more where the marriage has ended.

It's easy for people to tell you to leave but that's your choice. Either way I think YOU need to take control of the situation and move forwards. You either need to not care, turn a blind eye and carry on. Or refuse to stand for it and leave.

I don't believe he is going to change or cut this off deliberately. It may be that it fizzles out but he doesn't seem to want it to. Either way. You need to focus on what you can control. You can't control him. You can't make him do these things you need him to do. So focus on you. Your needs, your priorities, the life you want to live. Please stop torturing yourself wondering what he is going to do next or what he is thinking or what he has or hasn't told her.

AliasGrape · 26/06/2020 11:01

Hi OP.

I’ve read your previous threads and this one, never replied because you had a lot of people doing so and to be honest, I was unsure if I could say anything helpful just because I found it so hard to believe anyone could be so completely passive in the situation you describe. That may well be very unfair of me, people react differently and I realise that.

That said, I think you need to start being honest with yourself about what you want to happen here. You seem to keep looping round the same circle, constantly focusing on the small details - why keep a number? Why not block? Why use that exact turn of phrase? Why did he say x to her and not y? Why did he not contact her for such amount of time? Has he told her you’re pregnant again? What does that mean? Etc etc etc. I think you’re trying to distract yourself from the bigger picture or thinking that if you can just somehow ‘crack’ the answer to whatever tiny fraction of this whole mess you’re obsessing about this time, then you’ll be able to fix it all somehow. It won’t work.

The truth is he’s not stopped contact, he has no intention of stopping contact, and he wants her. Whether he’s making outright declarations of love or ‘being coy’ to keep her hanging on as you put it, he’s acting in a way that puts an ongoing relationship with her above your relationship and ahead of any chance of salvaging your marriage.

I know you say you don’t want to think about it yet and want to keep things calm until the birth but seriously - how much calmer is it going to be with a newborn? It will no easier, arguably harder actually, to raise this when you have TWO children to run round after and you’re trying to establish feeding and sleep deprived and recovering from birth etc. So why exactly are you holding off talking to him about what you know and the latest you’ve found out? Are you hoping it will all just go away if you ignore it? Are you hoping he’ll fall in love with the newborn and realise what he has to lose and stop contacting her? Because if your existing son wasn’t enough for him to do that why will this be different? I think you need to be honest with yourself about what you’re hoping for here and how realistic that is, because if you’re hanging on to some kind of fairytale post-birth reconciliation where everything goes back to how you thought it was at the beginning- it’s understandable but I’m scared you’re setting yourself up for a massive fall.

You’re not happy together - this isn’t an honest, emotionally intimate and fulfilling relationship for either of you. If you want to stay together despite that then fine, that’s your call and nobody can tell you what to do. You can stay married, focus on effective coparenting and keeping up appearances and stop expecting any kind of honesty or fidelity (emotional or otherwise) from your husband. Plenty of people do it OP and I’m not judging. BUT - the huge caveat here is that you then need to stop checking his phone, stop caring about who he’s contacting and stop letting it affect you. As pps have said in that situation you’d need to focus on yourself, building your own life up and finding other sources of emotional support than your husband, who doesn’t seem to be able to offer you that.

I know what you really want is for him to give her up altogether, fall back in love with you and recommit to your marriage and family. But he’s shown time and time again you can’t have that, he’s not prepared to give you that, it’s not in him. So stay together or don’t, but be honest with yourself and try to get into as strong a position as possible (emotionally, financially, physically) with a life that doesn’t solely depend on him - then at least you’ll have options and won’t keep getting blindsided and devastated at every turn.

PerpendicularVincent · 26/06/2020 14:38

Perfectly put, AliasGrape - I completely agree.

I've lurked for a while because I've wanted to help but didn't think I could add anything to what has already been said.

Cupcakes, you're torturing yourself by obsessing over minor details when what really matters is that he has feelings for someone else. As AliasGrape said, it's entirely your decision as to whether to accept that and carry on with your marriage or not, but it's very unlikely that things will change and he'll magically commit solely to you.

I feel for you, it's an awful situation- but you need to take some action.

BurtonHouse · 26/06/2020 14:52

Completely endorse what AliasGrape says

Cupcakesaregood · 26/06/2020 17:53

Thanks everyone for their posts. I know sometimes I've come across frustrating and very anxious and I do have a habit on focusing on minor details. I have been like that all my life, it's how I cope with things. Your honesty has really helped me. I've screenshotted the majority of postings here and I read them because they help me. I was really apprehensive of coming on Mumsnet but you have all proved me wrong and done an act of kindness you probably aren't aware of. I'm going to take a break for now, figure out what I'm going to do. I'm not going to sit and watch him message her that's just torturing myself but I am going to screenshot what I can. Thank you all again, you've been so kind and really helped me. X

OP posts:
backseatcookers · 26/06/2020 18:04

Just checking in OP as one of your original gang of voices of reason / tough love crew!

I know how hard this is for you and understand you focus on the minutiae because the bigger picture feels too all consuming to comprehend and focus on.

But you must do so at some point and you're delaying your own misery even further.

I so, so hope you can end this relationship. But whether you do, don't or just don't bloody know what to do, we'll be here when you need to talk x

Artandlove · 26/06/2020 18:27

@Cupcakesaregood you really are too hard on yourself (like I thought you were when you said you were controlling at the beginning). All of what your husband is doing has nothing to do with you and you haven’t pushed him towards this other woman. He is responsible for himself and what he is doing says a lot about him and his morals. I know you love him but you do deserve so much better than what he is doing to you. I know from what you’ve said he is an academic and intelligent man but he is also really weak and doesn’t seem to manage to communicate well. I still believe he is causing you damage in all of this, protect yourself and don’t let him change you or mess with your head - you are not paranoid or crazy - you’ve trusted your gut feeling and always found something when you went looking.

Take care of you whether you decide to leave or not.

Artandlove · 26/06/2020 18:29

Oh and if I was in your position with a little one and another on the way very soon - I’d stay put and leave when it was easier and right for me.

AliasGrape · 26/06/2020 19:57

It’s only frustrating because things look clearer from the outside - it’s very different when you’re in the situation and it’s your feelings (and your children) involved. Focusing on the smaller details is one way of coping, the big picture is scary and overwhelming - but I do think you’re at the point where the big picture is what needs to be addressed. The only reason I said about you focusing on the details is that I think it possibly gave you false hope, I think it’s time to be realistic that your hope of salvaging the kind of marriage you’d ideally have liked is unrealistic - because of him though. It’s absolutely his fault so don’t blame yourself! (And I thought on your very first thread that what you said to him about seeing your son after finding out about his betrayal was understandable. I’d have said the same and more besides probably. He’s an intelligent, professional man - he knows damn well you wouldn’t be able to stop him seeing his child, and that once you’d calmed down you wouldn’t even want to. Don’t let that be the stick to beat you with and make this all your fault still).

I wish you lots of luck however you decide to proceed. I’m certain that there is far better out there for you and I hope you start to see that.

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