Hi @Cupcakesaregood
Thank you for tagging me into your new thread. Sorry I haven’t been active, I’ve been working on the garden, but I’ve got myself up to date and I think you’ve had lots of good advice.
Going back to why he didn’t delete the number, my belief is that he simply doesn’t want to.
How you feel about him, is how he feels about her.
When we tell you that you should leave him, you can’t...you don’t want to. You wouldn’t delete his number would you? Think why not? And that’s exactly what he’s feeling/doing. I’m sorry.
He might pretend to delete her/ temporarily delete her... but he’s not going to really get rid of her, and I know you know this.
I don’t normally advocate contacting the OW. Usually I wouldn’t want to give them the satisfaction. But I did do this once, on behalf of my sister (I mentioned her earlier). I did this because she was stuck; she couldn’t move because she didn’t know the truth, she didn’t have the answers. He wasn’t going to be honest, so at her request I emailed the OW.
I basically wrote something along the lines of...
My name is K and I am Luke’s partner. We have a young child together and I’ve recently learned that he has been emailing you. I want to make it clear from the offset, that I do not blame you, but I am hoping that you can give me some answers?
Luke denies any physical relationship with you and tells me that you are just friends. I can see from his emails that this is not the truth.
I would be grateful if you could set me straight as to what your relationship is, so that I can make my decisions about staying in this relationship.
Thank you for your time and hope to hear from you soon.
The ow responded the same day. She was extremely apologetic. She explained that they had indeed met, kissed and slept together, on 5 occasions. She said he had told her that his relationship with my sister was over, or as good as. That he was waiting for ‘the right time’ to leave.
I did not accuse or argue; easy for me as I was not directly involved, and we did not contact one another again after that. It was polite, simple, clean interaction. My sister was crushed. Perhaps it would have been better had she not known, but it did in fact help her to move on in the end, not immediately I might add and not before he ran off anyway, but when that did happen, she coped because she had knowledge.
The questions are sometimes the worst; but often the answers aren’t much better.
If you really want answers, you might well have to ask her. We can’t give you what you’re looking for. But if you do contact her, you need to be prepared not to fight over him and just be open to any information she chooses to give.
Remember, he’s the one choosing to do this to you.
Take care op 💐