Hi @Cupcakesaregood
I’ve not posted on your thread before but I have read through. I’m so terribly sorry that you are going through this and quiet sadly I know the turmoil myself.
I’m going to address just a few things;
Firstly with regards to him agreeing to DC2, he wasn’t committing, at least not in a real and honest way, he was appeasing you. In other words his guilt was such that he gave you what you wanted. He did this knowing the great risk he was putting any possible relationship with OW at, but it’s also arrogance because she does not know that you are pregnant, so of course he isn’t being honest with her either. So he was thinking he could give you what you wanted to appease you, whilst also keeping her in his life, that’s incredibly dishonest and unfair to both you and the OW.
As to why he doesn’t just delete and forget her, well in short perhaps he can’t, and can’t is just as bad if not worse than won’t. He holds on to her just like you hold onto to him, and that has to be terribly crushing for you. He is invested in her, even if he knows or thinks there is no chance of reality of with relationship with OW he is STILL holding on. Whatever it is they have emotional or physical between them is strong. Whether he is still communicating or just pining and yearning for her I can’t tell you, but the very fact he has her contact info and several routes to contact I would imagine that it’s almost impossible for them not to be speaking.
As for you lovely, you are pregnant and full of hormones which I’m sure is making dealing with the whole situation so much harder for you. You are stuck in that terrible part where you analyse every interaction, between you and him and between him and her. You are looking for clues all the time, clues that you hope will tell you that he really wants you, really loves you, and you are looking for anything you can hold onto that will give you some foundation of security and hope. Sadly I think you know from all the advice you’ve received on this thread is that the things you are searching for from him are not to be found, you’ve just been so desperate to see it in a way that makes it good for you but hopefully the advice has hopefully taken those desperation glasses off so you can see more clearly.
It’s going to take you a while to come to terms with all of this and the simple fact is, is that just in the same way he is not ready to let go of OW, you may not be ready to let go of him. You are pregnant, feeling insecure and vulnerable and of course you don’t want your family unit to break. What I’m saying is that it’s ok to take time to think about you want, and how you want to handle this. Not everyone finds out about a cheating spouse and has a big confrontation where they tell them what for and kick them out. It’s ok if that’s not for you, some times it feels like it’s exactly what you should be doing, and other are often quick to tell you that’s what you should do, but don’t feel guilty or like you are being a pushover if that’s not what you want to do. I’m not at all advocating staying with him or that you should just put up with his behaviour, what I am saying is that it’s ok to take the time to emotionally and mentally detach yourself from him, to take the time to imagine and plan for a future without him (he’s has already imagined and discussed one without you with the OW) to take steps protect yourself and your children financially. There is no harm or shame in taking the scraps from him that are on offer (and they are scraps because his heart and mind are elsewhere) for the sole benefit of yourself and your children while you set yourself up for a better life without him, and while you will be sad about this I can absolutely had one heart say that this new life will be BETTER.
I know you are thinking of contacting OW today, I just wanted to wish you luck and I hope that it gives you what you need. 