Mistake with older man coming back to bite me

[Yecats1990]

5 years ago I made a mistake with a man I worked with. I was 25 and single but he was 45 and in a relationship with a woman the same age as him (they weren't married and they both had kids but none together).
Anyway it wasn't my finest hour, he was training me in work and I found him sexy and exciting and honestly I just enjoyed the attention from an older more experienced guy. We would flirt at work and then progressed to texting, then we started to have phone sex and sent sexual videos and photos to each other, nothing ever became physical though and it wasn't an emotional affair either as we rarely spoke about anything other than sex. We had a token attempt to meet up a few times for sex but never went through with it I think we both knew the relationship was just fantasy we used for masturbation and nothing more. The whole thing lasted about 2 years.
Eventually I left the job and moved to another area and the whole thing just fizzled out (prob slightly more on my part than his)
I met a new man, got married and am now 38 wks pregnant with our first baby. My husband knows nothing about that awful decision I made back then.

Anyway the problem is 10 mins ago i received a WhatsApp message from a number I don't know with a sexual photo of me that I had sent to this man (no face in the photo but I know it was me) and a text followed which says

"Why the fuck were you sending naked photos to my partner you dirty c##t"

Then quickly followed by a "you're welcome to him f##king slut".

And now my phone keeps ringing from a private number. Im not answering obvs.

Anyway now she will know at least my first name from my WhatsApp profile and I have a profile picture up so she can search for me on Facebook.
We live at opposite ends of the country so I don't think I will run into her even after lockdown but im terrified about her getting further information about me and contacting my husband just wks before our baby arrives.

Should I tell my husband about it now and explain? Should I interact with this woman and try to explain to her? Or should I just ignore it and hope it goes away??

I was a selfish idiot back then and really regret what I did long before this woman ever contacted me. I know I deserve little sympathy here but just want opinions on what I should do

Ha! Just looked back & have seen that you replied.

She'll believe or not which you can't do anything about.

@Yecats1990
You need to be aware that somehow, Whatsapp can alert your contacts that your number has been changed.
I've no technical knowledge how this works or how to stop it- I guess deleting them from your contacts list may stop it.
However I have received a notification from whatsapp when two of my contacts recently changed their sim cards.
Image attached of one of the message I received.

I personally would just tell my husband. You were single, nothing really happened but now you feel threatened. Your husband should know why you don't want to answer your phone etc. Once everything has been explained he could always answer it for you and politely ask who is calling etc. Passed mistakes should not be allowed to effect you like this. Also worth considering going to the police as they are threatening you with naked pictures of yourself.

Sorry just managed to read the thread! You've done the right thing!

@givemecrisps did you even read it? She had told her husband

Op you did wrong but it was years ago, you've been really honest about the fact you messed up and haven't tried to pass all the blame like some have suggested. I think now you've sent that message ignore the app and move on and focus on the baby.
And I say that as a woman who has been cheated on, it's devastating but you have to still behave in a lawful and reasonable way!

You seem to be enjoying all this drama.

Just answer the phone. Poor woman may think you sent those photos recently. She obviously doesn't believe his side and she wants to find out if your stories match.

I'm sure you would do the same if you found photos on your husbands phone.

I think you’ve done the right thing. Good luck with the pregnancy

@Rubyred24 ffs did you even read the thread before replying?
The woman "Karen" knew the dates as she had seen screenshots of WhatsApp messages and OP also messaged her to apologise and explained that it was years ago and nothing physical happened.

Why respond on thread you don't even bother to read?

@stillfeelingmad yes, did you actually read the message I sent just after. 🙄.

Because Rubyred24 is absolutely loving the drama!

Yecats, you've done all you can do, I'm glad you've drawn a line in the sand regarding the harassment. It's up to her to resolve this with her husband and stop involving other people.

Good luck with your new baby.

Honesty is the best policy and risky too.
As well as blocking all calls I would also change my phone number ( first threaten her with the police)
Tell your oh in the simplest of forms with as little detail as possible

What a horrible situation. You’ve done the right thing messaging her. I don’t mind confrontation so would have talked to her - but I get why you don’t want to.
What an awful specimen ‘Nick’ is. I hope she leaves him.

That text from Nick! Vile man, trying to make you complicit in sorting out the mess he has made.

I am so glad you have your husband on board. This will fizzle out. This has to be the end of the story. Make no more contact with anyone

@givemecrisps - keep up.
Well done OP. Good message.
Now ignore.
Your DH sounds like a good one!
And he is absolutely right, it's in the past and you've learnt from it.
Dickhead, should have deleted everything as you agreed to.
It's his problem if he's still a cheating sleazebag, not yours.
Sounds like he's still a liar and a cheat.
Poor Karen, I do feel for her. But Karma is a bitch.

@hellsbellsmelons I've already written again and said I didn't read it all! Keep up 🙄

I'd reply... but I'm not one for waiting for the worst.

Hi. I'm really sorry xxxx decided to keep this image, we had agreed to delete everything when this phone fling finished xx years ago. I kept my agreement but clearly xxxx didn't. I am sorry but suggest you discuss this with him. It was never anything physical, purely images.

I appreciate your anger. This was years ago but please remember that using explicit images in a negative way towards me is a criminal offence.

We cross posted @givemecrisps

@stillfeelingmad I'm 38 weeks pregnant and looking after my 15 month old whilst working from home, I got half way then was interrupted by my tiny man child 😂😂. Managed
To finish it all whilst having a wee

I think you've made the right call, OP. You owe her absolutely nothing more - don't engage. And ew, he sounds vile! Hope they both leave you alone now. It sounds like they deserve each other.

FWIW I think sending that text was the right thing to do, OP. Now hopefully you can put it behind you.

I feel sorry for Karen too, but tbh, she's living with a serial shagger, and she must have had some inkling of what he was like, as she worked with him, and had an affair with him herself. What's the saying? - when a man marries his mistress, he creates a vacancy. "Nick" doesn't sound much of a catch.

What an awful human being he seems to be. Imagine calling his his step son a little prick for having morals and being loyal to his mum. To anyone, never mind the woman he was messing around with!

Hope you've now nixed this YeCats, and can leave this debacle safely in the past where it belongs. We've all done things we're not proud of.

Wishing you a happy and healthy delivery and some lovely bonding time with your DH (who sounds a keeper) and little girl.

You seem to be enjoying all this drama.

She really doesn’t

She is obviously very angry at having just found out and I'm sure she will calm down over the next few days.

I was cheated on my my ex husband and although thoughts of contacting the OW did run through my head in the heat of anger, I'm glad I didn't. I felt I had more power by not contacting her as she would have been wondering constantly if I was going to (she suddenly disappeared off SM when the affair came out).

I came out with my dignity if nothing else and actually had no desire to know the sordid details.

It sounds like Karen and Nicks relationship was far from solid before these messages were discovered op and although you did something you now realise you shouldn't have, she is no angel either and as others have said, have an affair with a married man and they will do the same to you in time. It seems that karma is having a field day.

I would also ignore everything now, wait for her to calm down and focus your time and energy on your new arrival and your dh, who sounds great.