Mistake with older man coming back to bite me

[Yecats1990]

5 years ago I made a mistake with a man I worked with. I was 25 and single but he was 45 and in a relationship with a woman the same age as him (they weren't married and they both had kids but none together).
Anyway it wasn't my finest hour, he was training me in work and I found him sexy and exciting and honestly I just enjoyed the attention from an older more experienced guy. We would flirt at work and then progressed to texting, then we started to have phone sex and sent sexual videos and photos to each other, nothing ever became physical though and it wasn't an emotional affair either as we rarely spoke about anything other than sex. We had a token attempt to meet up a few times for sex but never went through with it I think we both knew the relationship was just fantasy we used for masturbation and nothing more. The whole thing lasted about 2 years.
Eventually I left the job and moved to another area and the whole thing just fizzled out (prob slightly more on my part than his)
I met a new man, got married and am now 38 wks pregnant with our first baby. My husband knows nothing about that awful decision I made back then.

Anyway the problem is 10 mins ago i received a WhatsApp message from a number I don't know with a sexual photo of me that I had sent to this man (no face in the photo but I know it was me) and a text followed which says

"Why the fuck were you sending naked photos to my partner you dirty c##t"

Then quickly followed by a "you're welcome to him f##king slut".

And now my phone keeps ringing from a private number. Im not answering obvs.

Anyway now she will know at least my first name from my WhatsApp profile and I have a profile picture up so she can search for me on Facebook.
We live at opposite ends of the country so I don't think I will run into her even after lockdown but im terrified about her getting further information about me and contacting my husband just wks before our baby arrives.

Should I tell my husband about it now and explain? Should I interact with this woman and try to explain to her? Or should I just ignore it and hope it goes away??

I was a selfish idiot back then and really regret what I did long before this woman ever contacted me. I know I deserve little sympathy here but just want opinions on what I should do

I have blocked her number but she's calling on private number and I don't have a way to block that on my phone.

You could answer? Just answer some questions? Or if she is being particularly vile then I would just say that legally, sharing that photo is revenge porn so she either backs off completely or you go to the police.

Personally, I'd speak to her. She obviously wants to know the gory details and probably won't rest until she does. Also, if she doesn't she won't give up and probably will track down your friends,partner and family. I'd apologise profusely, be totally honest and hope that diffuses the matter. If she's anything like me she will go more nuclear the more you ignore her. Most of us have moments in our past we are not proud of. Best of luck

I'm baffled, sorry. Were you with your DP when this happened five years ago?

As a poster said above iPhone has an option to only allow callers in contacts...

Change What's App photo to something generic, block her number, set social media to private and turn off the search function for your accounts meaning nobody can search you, Google you etc.

Block the number, lock down your social media, take down photos and forget about it. You don't need to tell your husband unless you want to, it's none of his business and you need to sort this out for yourself

I agree with everything AnyFucker just said

And sadly I bet he has kept everything you sent.

He wasn’t true to his partner or you.

I’d also want to do what flask said.

Talk to your DH. You don't have to tell him, but he will probably be aware something is a bit off, and secrecy really festers.

Not your finest moment getting involved with this man, but you don't deserve to be harassed. I'd be tempted to speak to his partner - maybe you could give her some clarity about the situation.

You owe her absolutely nothing, and her language was disgusting. Either ignore her or threaten her with the police. She's harassing you, and it's a police matter.

I would also contact my phone network provider and ask them to change your number ASAP.

I genuinely think you should respond. She's obviously just angry and hurt. A simple message and then block:

I'm terribly sorry, nothing ever happened between us, it was just something stupid X years ago that never progressed. I have moved on with my life since him.

Something like that.

I would block her on all social media too, altho I would be half tempted to speak to her once, and once only, to apologise for your part and to clear up any questions she might have. I don’t know.
I would also speak to my husband, just so he knows. He can hardly hold it against you, it was before you knew him (I presume?)

Did people read the OP? She was called a cunt and a fucking slut. Why on earth would she engage with the sender of such abuse?

As for apologising, words fail me.

Can you block any "unknown numbers" from your phone for the time being?
Stop stressing over it you have more important matters to deal with at the moment

Don't feed the troll. Ignore. Don't respond in any way. Delete social media for a bit, and up your privacy settings. Block the number. Change your phone.
Come clean to your husband and that way the stress is gone. Not worth it.
( there was a recent one similar to this on Mumsnet and it escalated to police involvement. Try to resist urge to respond.
If any further correspondence from them, keep it all in case you need to involve authorities

I'm terribly sorry, nothing ever happened between us, it was just something stupid X years ago that never progressed. I have moved on with my life since him.

I would be further incensed by that message if I were her. It's clearly not "nothing" to her and she is not interested that you have "moved on with your life"

If I were to interact with her in any way it would be to tell her to sort this out with her husband and keep you out of it. If not you, it would have been some other woman stupid enough to open themselves up to this sort of scenario.

Welcome to the world of karma.

To be fair, I would have the same response as AnyFucker to that message, saying it’s ‘nothing’ would be so insulting.

@MorrisZapp no me and my partner didn't meet until the following year. I moved to a new area when it finished and that's where I met my DH.

In some ways I see where pp's are coming from saying that I should answer and just let her get it off her chest but I don't think that will help things and feel like ignoring her might be best. I don't really owe her an explanation because I was not in a relationship with her. I am going to tell my DH though because I'm afraid that she will contact him and he will wonder why I never told him. He's a great guy unlikely to judge me but it's an embarrassing thing to admit.

I'd tell your DH, OP. Just say what you've said here - you made some bad choices, it was in the past. Then that isn't something anyone can hold over you, and I'd hope he'd be supportive.

Then maybe look at changing your phone number so she has no way of contacting you. I wouldn't recommend answering right now - she clearly wants someone to vent a load of rage at and you don't need that when pregnant. Alternatively, you could call the police and get them to have words with her. Those pictures shouldn't be out there and she might need reminded that there are laws about revenge porn.

I don’t see why you need to tell your DH.What exactly is it you’re afraid of him finding out?

Or is it perhaps that you’ve always been outspoken and judgemental of people who have affairs and now he’s going to find out that you’re actually a bit of a hypocrite on that score?

IMO anyone who engages in sexting is an idiot. And two years is a long time to be involved in that. That’s not a mistake,that’s very deliberate.

But it’s done, and now you just need to block the woman and forget it ever happened.

If it were me, I’d tell my partner and I’d answer them phone and go fucking mental at her harassing you. Tell he everything and say if she contacts you again you’ll report to the police for harassment and revenge porn, which is a crime.

If you feel it’s best to ignore, then do that, but certainly, locking down social media and changing your profile photo would be a good move right now. If it continues, maybe a change of phone number wouldn’t be the worst idea in the world.
I think the whole ‘not my problem’ attitude is pretty shitty but that’s a whole other debate.
Best of luck with the rest of your pregnancy.