Is this paedophile opinion a massive red flag?

[Eternalconfusion]

Namechanged for this.
New boyfriend of 5 months or so. I have dc (1 girl 1 boy both primary aged) he doesn't. I've been in previous abusive relationships so boundaries a bit off.
A month ago we were away for weekend and he voiced a theory - that paedophiles weren't to blame as such for their tendencies. Likened it to how society used to view homosexuals etc. I was horrified, voiced my opinion then asked him to drop it. (I can give further info on the details if necessary)
Since then I consciously forgot about it, reasoned with myself that as he doesn't have kids he can't understand etc.
Today something triggered me, I lost the plot then asked him for some space. He's in a huff, doesn't get why this is still an issue weeks later.
Please can I have your thoughts?

Is there anyway like Claire's Law you can find out if he's done anything to warn other people? I know it's not the same and glad you've gotten rid but how do you warn others?

Well done.
Maybe have some counseling before thinking about another relationship.

Good decision op

I worked in a prison with paedophiles for several years, those who did not deny it voiced this opinion, for God's sake get your kids away from him and take a long, hard look at how you put them in this situation.

Oh right. Well I admit I don’t know enough about paedophilia to know whether the urge itself is an active choice, as opposed to acting on the urge. I’m more than happy to be educated. But I can tell you that I’m not a paedophile.

I agree, as in some people are gay / straight etc and some people are attracted to children. It's in them and they can't be changed. Is that what he meant ?

Obviously it's abhorrent, but I also think it's in their make up ....... I don't think it's a choice, the ones who act on it however are obviously choosing to.

I've had counselling! I've done the freedom programme! I've been single 2.5 years!
I cannot trust myself and will stay single from now on.

I mean, I suppose at a push you could acknowledge (rather than sympathise) that it must be hard to be only attracted to people that it would be impossible to ever be involved with. But the leap to then decide that paedophiles are not to 'blame' for anything sounds like a nasty slippery slope. Why is he thinking about this and then voicing it to a woman with children (when he has none)? I don't think it necessarily means that he is a dangerous man, but it made you uncomfortable (and would me too) and that is enough to end it. You did the right thing - there are always more men and it is never worth the risk.

I agree, as in some people are gay / straight etc and some people are attracted to children. It's in them and they can't be changed. Is that what he meant
Yes this was his opinion. My take on this was that attraction is at the end of the day a choice. You can choose to be attracted to adults. You should have in your head a big massive fuck off blocker that stops you from being attracted to minors. It's very simple to me. He didn't get it.

How did you even get onto the subject of it with him in the first place?

I have read information on this. I think comparing to homosexuality is incorrect but. I have read about paedophilia is when someone cannot help the attraction. That does not make it right and anyone who acts on l it is the scum of the earth. I have read that there are programs to help paedophile s fight the attraction.

Perhaps this is what he meant, but if your gut is telling you otherwise..block him.

But no-one does choose who they are attracted to methodically. Otherwise you blame those in abusive relationships for choosing abusers? You say being homosexual is a choice? If that is all he said, then it is a bit of a stretch to assume he is a paedophile apologist. Acknowledging it is a sexual orientation for whatever fucked up reason isn't the same as excusing it, that is a bit of a stretch. Sounds like he's said more than that though. Go with your instinct.

It's good that you recognised this was something that made you check your instinct. And your instinct was right :)

Sounds like his reasoning was totally wrong. Strange

Most child molesters are opportunists rather than paedophiles.

The comparison to homosexuality is a massive red flag.

I'm glad you're going to ditch him.

Run for the hills, do not trust this man

There is a movement of 'virtuous paedophiles' who say what this guy says.

There is nothing virtuous about not raping a child.

And at least one of the main ones has accusations of abuse against him.

There was an article (poss guardian) once about people who had an attraction to children but had never acted on it. In each case they had huge mental health difficulties and suicidal tendencies due to the knowledge that they had no attraction to adults, only children, and would never experience s relationship. One of the participants was a boy/ man in late teens who had discovered at as he reached puberty that he only had sexual feelings towards children. None of them planned to act on it in any way and in fact one of the points of the article was that voluntary castration (medical, through taking hormones) should be offered to people like this, who would do anything to have the urge taken away.

Regardless of what we think about paedophiles, there's a strong argument for trying to understand why they are how they are. If we know why it goes on we are better placed to put a stop to it. Less victims, less ruined lives and less public money spent. We don't have the death penalty and whole life sentences are rare so it is in the best interests of society to try and help these people, as sickening as it may be. If we don't, there's a high chance they'll reoffend.

Either he's an asshole about gay people or he's a creeper.

You cannot choose who you are sexually attracted to op. Otherwise no “good” marriage or relationship would end and there would be no homosexuality or heterosexuality.

Recent studies suggest people cannot choose not to be attracted to children due to brain wiring. What they can do is choose not to act on that attraction. www.thedailybeast.com/study-finds-pedophiles-brains-wired-to-find-children-attractive Moreover, not all people, who have committed offences against children are even attracted to children.

If this is what he meant, I don’t see an issue with stating the truth. There are people living amongst us, who are attracted to children and have no intention of abusing them. This is a fact.

There might be a way of making a legitimate argument that people can't help having illicit thoughts if they are forbidden to have them, the same way that one thinks about chocolate constantly the minute one goes on a diet. But that's not exactly the argument he made. He compared pedophiles to gay people. That's quite different.

Yes this was his opinion. My take on this was that attraction is at the end of the day a choice. You can choose to be attracted to adults. You should have in your head a big massive fuck off blocker that stops you from being attracted to minors. It's very simple to me. He didn't get it.

Attraction isn't generally a choice. Otherwise people in countries where homosexuality is illegal would just choose to be straight rather than risk death.

BUT, that doesn't make paedophilia acceptable or the paedophile 'not to blame' if they assault children. The idea that society should change to make paedophilia acceptable like homosexuality would horrify me.

Was his argument that society should change to accept paedophiles (ie those, who have offended) or was he arguing society should accept that there are people, who are attracted to children and offer them support?