How much should we tolerate 'blokey'/sleazy male behaviour?

[NoMoreDickheads]

So, I agree nowadays with the poster on another thread who was given the creeps by a bloke she knew drunkenly saying while messaging as a friend that he would like to see her naked. I have blocked men for less, even for variations on 'hello beautiful' on messenger.

But I imagine that a lot of people would have a 'blokes will be blokes' attitude to stuff like that, and expect men to try and get sex or pics out of women, to make sexual talk and so on.

How much would you put up with this sort of thing from friends,, prospective partners, or boyfriends etc?

I only briefly dipped my toes in online dating years ago.
Any man who started with the lines 'hello beautiful' 'hello gorgeous' etc I didn't bother responding to. As even in my short time of OLD I'd figured out these men are invariably boring.

Really? Then why were you arguing up and down with me yesterday when my point was only that “hello beautiful” is not automatically sleazy? You seem to have changed your mind category because yesterday you were saying that “hello beautiful” is always sleazy.

'Hello beautiful' is not sleazy to YOU. It can be sleazy for other people. I'm not sure what you're finding so hard to grasp about that. People are allowed to have different opinions on things you know.

Plan, I don't think I was arguing it was always automatically sleazy. In the context of being approached by a random, online or in real life, I would find "hello beautiful" on the sleazy/cheesy side. I explicitly stated the online part in one post:
"Yes, I would ignore or block someone who messaged me that.

I would think he's sending out loads and loads of identical messages like that, and is doing minimal effort to see who bites. So he maybe sends out a hundred "hello beautifuls" and gets a couple of responses back. And yes, i think it's a bit sleazy, because it's over-familiar and about my appearance. He could use my name/username if he wants to introduce himself."

Context ^.

About 2 years ago I would have put up with it. But now hell no! I bloody hate it, it's disgusting and I don't find it amusing in any way

Ok, so this is an old friend I got back in touch with a few years ago after 20 years (just on messenger occasionally- he lives a long way away.)

I would be interested in people's opinions of what I should do. @famousforwrongreason it sounds a little like what you described in your thread, in that I like this guy but I'm uncomfortable with what he just wrote (in my situation it's more uncomfortable because he's married, and I swore that I'd never get involved with married men again.)

I did flirt with him a bit particularly when I was unwell with my bipolar two years ago, when I act out of character and genuinely am not 100% in control of my actions- this was added to by an ADHD amphetamine-y medication a private consultant had unwisely put me on.) A while back, we had discussed meeting up later in the year, when he's coming down here to see a band. I'd like to meet him as friends but I'm no longer interested in being sexually involved with him.

In fact, that he has flirted with me in the past while being engaged, then married (his marriage was not as good as it could've been at times sexually- but he seems content with his marriage nowadays- he recently said 'I have no complaints') has put me off him a little as a person, I see it as meaning he's a bit sleazy, and that he would've been a user if I had got involved.)

Anyway, I was chatting about a friend of mine and stuff. This is what he wrote in response (he teaches biology BTW so that's why he says 'what I could relay' etc) :-

Good to have familiar people in your life..And despite what I could relay on how evolution of mating strategies has to have conferred upon us (the programme) the ability to form many pair-bonds with many other individuals; I would also invoke the idea of fate and souls journeying together...Sleep tight Angel.

I should say something, shouldn't I?

😬😬 "sleep tight angel" sounds like something a murderer would say before smothering his victim.

@Eolhc1990 lol, true! I think I'll put that. It mightn't give him the hint tho IDK. He's usually been ok recently since things seem to be better at home.

Nowadays I send any women a questionnaire regarding their interest. Before any sexual encounter, I ask them to sign a consent form which I co-sign.
I find it is the best way, but apparently it isn't very romantic. Any tips?

@Vretz Or just don't shag someone unless you're sure they want to shag you? It seems you find that difficult to ascertain. Perhaps it'd be better if you steer clear of women if you're not sure if you're going to rape them or not.

@NoMoreDickheads

That is terrible. It is pretentious and faintly smutty. And makes you feel a bit awkward.

Still highly effective because you are thinking about it. So he’s done rather well.

However, it’s not romantic but mildly creepy. That said, a paragraph is a bit selective and maybe he does not always sound like Dr Strangelove advocating a selective breeding programme?

Tbh OP, you've missed that the post was exaggerated sarcasm.

My point is that when a man contacts a woman, he is conditioned that he gets 1 shot, like any mating ritual. Different women prefer different interactions. Hell, there is a whole industry called PUA making money out of this... The biological function of a man is to procreate. We are genetically designed to do so. 50yrs of social ideology isn't going to change a few millenia of evolution.

FYI. He isn't being sleazy, he's trying to let you down gently as he's married. Send him a questionnaire.

FYI. He isn't being sleazy, he's trying to let you down gently as he's married.

Eh? That's the opposite of what he implied in the message I quoted. Nor do you know any of our past interactions. You seem to be having a go. Drunk, bored or both?

@LexMitior Thanks for your post.

Still highly effective because you are thinking about it. So he’s done rather well.

Lol, I suppose so in a way!

However, it’s not romantic but mildly creepy.

I agree. To me, it's tacky. The idea of men designed to spread their wild oats (excuse) and of 'twin souls' or some naff tacky shite. If I didn't think he was fairly ok, I think my eyes would've officially rolled.

I think I get what the bloke who struggles to know when he's raping someone or not means by his interpretation of the msg now, but to me at the very least it's keeping his options open IDK. I'm not flattering myself that I'm special, he mentioned people at work he fancied at one point too etc. Come to think of it, he cheated on his first wife too (not with his second- before they and we met.)

I suppose I'm just a bit anxious as I would like to meet him as friends in future so I don't want any unnecessary uncertainty. It does help that his marriage seems to be going well now.

Zero tolerance.