How much should we tolerate 'blokey'/sleazy male behaviour?

[NoMoreDickheads]

So, I agree nowadays with the poster on another thread who was given the creeps by a bloke she knew drunkenly saying while messaging as a friend that he would like to see her naked. I have blocked men for less, even for variations on 'hello beautiful' on messenger.

But I imagine that a lot of people would have a 'blokes will be blokes' attitude to stuff like that, and expect men to try and get sex or pics out of women, to make sexual talk and so on.

How much would you put up with this sort of thing from friends,, prospective partners, or boyfriends etc?

Otherwise it feels like if I say no, he’ll just ask the next woman, and the next because it makes no difference to him who he gets to go on a date with him.

But he can just as easily be saying "hello beautiful" to all of those other women as well (including ugly ones!). It's just words. It doesn't have to mean anything.

Argh, as usual, someone said it first and shorter. Yeah, that. Also it doesn't even have to mean he wants a date, just wants something to say, maybe wants to make you giggle and blush but that's it. Asking if you want a date makes it clear that he does find you attractive and wants to do something about it - but in a respectful way, not a presumptuous one.

Zero tolerance from me...but it's not just bloke behaviour-would call out (and have done in the past) females talking inappropriately about other people.

My opinion is that I don’t find “hello beautiful” to be sleazy
I understand a man will say that to more than one woman! I was not saying that at all. I was saying that simple phrases similar to that indicate interest in me personally.
It is more friendly than the formal and 1950s throwback of “would you like to go on a date”

Isn’t all flirting essentially based on admiring comments that aren’t sleazy? There is a difference and to me “hello beautiful” is not sleazy. I don’t know how anyone could flirt if that is considered to be sleazy.

I tolerated far too much of that shit when I was younger. A perk of getting older is that I don't get sleazed on anymore

'Bilbo' ??!!

“Asking if you want a date makes it clear that he does find you attractive and wants to do something about it - but in a respectful way, not a presumptuous one.”

Or I’m just conveniently single and he needs a plus one. Or he’s attracted by my money not me as a woman. As a PP said, they’re just words. Doesn’t have to mean anything.

I disagree. OK, my wording might have been formal, but it could be less so. "Hello Beautiful" is just reductive and it sounds to me like something a certain type of guy will say to every woman he thinks he has a chance at. Says to me: low effort, scatter-gun approach, no interest in you as a person just in how you look, will want to speed through to the physical.

Maybe, but you should at least get to go out and have some fun before finding that out.

I agree with what someone else said when I was younger I used to put up with it and almost just ignore it and laugh it off but as I've got older (I'm 31 so not "old"!) I think it's horrible, it would be a huge red flag for me and I'd shut anything like that down right away!

Zero tolerance. My DH is not like this at all and has the the same opinion as me.
Although, I don't think he realised how often women have to deal with this. A female friend of ours has been hosting a weekly quiz from her public Facebook page and she spends a lot of the time blocking men who are making inappropriate comments about her. My DH was surprised to see this happening.....he doesn't have Facebook and wouldn't dream of doing something like that.

I have recently blocked a married friend from Facebook. Every time I changed my profile pic to a pic where I'm on my own and clearly dressed up for a night out he would message me 'hello beautiful'.....

And you don’t have to like “hello beautiful” but can you honestly say it is sleazy? And therefore warrants ghosting or blocking a man for saying those two words?

When someone has asked me on a date, if they were formal like you worded I would not like it, but I would still consider it and not block/ghost the man.

Just because we may not like an admiring comment, it doesn’t automatically make it sleazy and the automatic response to ghost/block can be over the top. I guess I am simply more tolerant?

Maybe, but you should at least get to go out and have some fun before finding that out.

Yes. Whether he says the hello beautiful or would you like a date, I’m happy to go out and find out more in both scenarios.

Zero tolerance for this kind of behaviour. Love the name OP

It’s a big fat no. Don’t tolerate any of that crap

Zero
Not on dates as I’ve been married for 20 years so I have no idea what dating is like but if any male friends or acquaintances use that sort of terminology I distance myself.
As I said to DH once never say anything to a woman that you wouldn’t want a gay man to say to you

I mean if another simpering fool wants to tolerate it then fine but be the change you want to see and start calling out these idiots. It’s time women started cutting off these pricks

No one should tolerate sleazy behaviour. But what defines that will change from person to person. If someone I fancied said they'd like to see me naked I'd find that pretty exciting really. It's about the delivery and the existing relationship.

Just saying to someone 'I want to fuck you right now' isn't necessarily sleazy. Coming from a lover whose going crazy with desire could be really hot. Coming from the bloke stood next to you in the supermarket queue... not so hot.

Yes, I would ignore or block someone who messaged me that.

I would think he's sending out loads and loads of identical messages like that, and is doing minimal effort to see who bites. So he maybe sends out a hundred "hello beautifuls" and gets a couple of responses back. And yes, i think it's a bit sleazy, because it's over-familiar and about my appearance. He could use my name/username if he wants to introduce himself.

I can honestly say Plan, any man whose opening line is 'hello beautiful/gorgeous' is a complete dick and best avoided.

It's NOT a compliment, you may well be beautiful and gorgeous but that line is designed to lower your defenses and the only blokes that use is are, without exception sleazy, objectifying, and don't view you as an equal.

Hairy hands,
“the only blokes that use is are, without exception sleazy, objectifying, and don't view you as an equal.”

You cannot objectively know that from only two words.
You are projecting and jumping to conclusions.
After all, they used “would you like to go out on a walk/date” in Victorian times when women were de facto not equal and the property of their husbands.

They are reducing you to your appearance. How is that not objectifying?

I'm not projecting Plan, I'm happily married and have been for years, I'm also pushing 50, I've been around long enough to say with complete confidence that the only response to that opening line is 'fuck off'.

No decent man would use it, it's as simple as that.

guess I am simply more tolerant?

More tolerant of sleazy behaviour?

Not sure that's a good thing to be honest...

VOLATILITY

So saying "hello beautiful" is offensive but calling another woman a "simpering fool" is perfectly acceptable? Hypocrite.