How much should we tolerate 'blokey'/sleazy male behaviour?

[NoMoreDickheads]

So, I agree nowadays with the poster on another thread who was given the creeps by a bloke she knew drunkenly saying while messaging as a friend that he would like to see her naked. I have blocked men for less, even for variations on 'hello beautiful' on messenger.

But I imagine that a lot of people would have a 'blokes will be blokes' attitude to stuff like that, and expect men to try and get sex or pics out of women, to make sexual talk and so on.

How much would you put up with this sort of thing from friends,, prospective partners, or boyfriends etc?

Nope I don't put up with it at all! I hate sleazy behaviour, really can't stand it and don't understand how anyone tolerates it.

Not at all. I shut it down when I come across it, but I don’t have those kinds of men in my life, despite having several close male friends.

Zero tolerance. It’s embarrassing behaviour.

My partner finds that sort of thing ridiculous and cringeworthy too, but often the men that do it assume that all other men are into it. My partner just takes the piss when he’s included in some blokey nonsense at weddings etc, but the lads-lads-lads types never seem to notice.

Not at all.

I wouldn’t put up with it at all. I don’t have anyone in my life that does any of that.

Not for me, thanks.

Ha! That was my post, I have also in the past blocked and deleted people who say things like hi babe or private message me about my profile pic etc.
I have had lots of messages from other people’s partners or husbands over the years and many, many times when I’ve complained about inappropriate behaviour I’ve been spoken to as if I’m a child. Many times it’s women who are putting me down for challenging this behaviour and has often led me to think I must be too defensive or too reactionary.

Nope. Yuck.

No, they fall at the first hurdle. If they make me think "yuk" early on, they get nowhere. (It hasn't always been so, but I have learnt).

Have you read the shark cage analogy? www.oomm.live/the-shark-cage-metaphor-spotting-potential-abusers/

And not just early on. I never had a male friend that didn't try it on, unfortunately, so I'm down to just women friends at the moment. Which is fine, women are cool.

I do wonder if it's something about me that they think they can push things. But no longer.

Grim. No. The men I know are don't do that shit.

Not at all.

I think the only thing to say about this is that it's a choice. Everyone makes their own choice. The only mistake is to think you have to put up with something that makes you uncomfortable because someone else does or would, or someone is telling you this is the case.

I really don't like it. I used to put up with it when I was young, awkwardly giggle and feel uncomfortable but now I'm a bit older, grumpier and more confident I'll shut that shit down immediately!

Nope, don't put up with it at all.

I also really hate pet names like babe, when I was younger (teens) if anyone messaged me calling me babe I'd thank them for calling me a pig 🙈 I used to think I was so cool...

I have had lots of messages from other people’s partners or husbands over the years and many, many times when I’ve complained about inappropriate behaviour I’ve been spoken to as if I’m a child. Many times it’s women who are putting me down for challenging this behaviour and has often led me to think I must be too defensive or too reactionary.

Same, I've had messages from loads of people's partners or husbands, as have several of my single female friends and yet when I mentioned it on here before, several posters tried to ridicule the idea, saying I must have thought I was something special and no way were all these guys messaging me. They refused to see that no I don't think I'm special, many men are just sleazy when they know that you're single, especially if you're long term single. The men start of all polite asking how I am, but then it soon goes down smutty track.

I've several long term male friends who wouldn't dream of doing this, partly because most of them are decent men and partly because the philandering ones know I would take the piss so they don't risk it 😁

None, been talking to a guy on OLD and last night he goes "oh what does lovely bilbo wear to bed?" That's him ghosted

@BilboBercow Urghhhh. I hate it when they turn creepy but I guess it's good that they do early on so we can choose whether or not to continue.

So how does a man indicate he is interested in more than friendship if he can’t even say “hello beautiful”?

@happinessischocolate you're definitely not alone, I know so many people who think this is OK behavior and so many more who have acted like I think I'm the bees knees because I've complained about it or deleted men 'friends' because of it.
I don't think I'm the bees knees at all, in fact since a marriage where my husband never wanted sex with me and I've aged, put on weight, have chronic health conditions, my self esteem is probably the lowest its ever been.

Nopety nope, I don't put up with that and never have.

Amazingly, unlike those posters who say 'all men are like this', I am thus surrounded by men who are perfectly normal, unsleazy people. I would go so far as to say that most men are NOT like this and find it just as sleazy as women do.

Absolutely zero tolerance. Some of it because I don’t notice it. So I’m likely to say ‘sorry, I don’t understand, I don’t get the joke’, which is apparently a big red flag to potential abusers.
@category12’s shark cage analogy is spot on.

Planderaccordment, perhaps by, I don't know, "would you like to go on a date with me sometime?" rather than unwonted familiarities and sleaze. Just spit balling here.

Jeez. It's not difficult.

I mean, I don’t like sleaziness but I am thinking my threshold for what is sleazy is a lot higher than most on here.
I like being called beautiful. I don’t think that’s sleazy.
The example of saying like to see me naked- yes that’s definitely sleazy.

The “would you like to go on a date with me sometime” sounds very cold, calculated and formal to me. I like some indication that a man finds me attractive personally. Otherwise it feels like if I say no, he’ll just ask the next woman, and the next because it makes no difference to him who he gets to go on a date with him.

And you don't think he probably says "hi beautiful" to every woman he views as a potential?