Can we talk about not seeing partners during lockdown

[SenselessUbiquity]

I think there was a thread about this, but I can't find it.

I'm struggling. I've lost my job, my ex is an arse, my children are brilliant but tiring. My boyfriend is a kind, funny, interesting man whom I fancy the pants off and seeing him (and being in bed with him) is the one really truly feel-good thing I had in a life that can get pretty tiring and can feel very groundhog day, even back when we were allowed in theory to do all sorts of things.

I'm struggling. It's hard.

Please can I ask: is everyone honestly following the rules? And if you are (we have) are you going to continue to do so, no matter how long it takes, no matter how many times they extend the lock down?

Hey everyone just checking in, a while back I mentioned I was having my partner come to my garden (not through the house) for drinks sitting 2 metres away, in the evening for a few hours. I've done it twice now 2 weekends in a row. I have a small dc but they are always in bed. Neighbours have looked but never said anything. It's just getting to the point now where I am thinking it's torture and as he was sat away from me and I couldn't even hug him I just cried (frustration of the whole thing too) we haven't been together long, so can't self isolate with and he still has his child once a week. I'm just fearing really HOW long can they really expect us to continue to do this ?? Another month , 3 months ?! It's torture

@dollface19 I can understand how hard it must be. I'm in a LDR so not even able to do social distancing in my garden. I'm always a stickler for the rules, but coming to a point where I'm thinking 'fuck it'. Lots of things bring me to this point. My boss told me in a video call the other day that she was probably going to look after her grandson for a few days while her DIL goes to work (she's a nurse!). Her son is WFH so I don't understand why he can't look after his own child, but there you go. She's breaking the lock down rule by having her grandson. The risk comparison to her having her grandson is much, much greater than if I and my boyf visited each other. We both work in isolation and have minimal contact with anyone else.

It's something I'm wrestling with on a daily basis and just don't know how much longer I can go on too.

@PinkMonkeyBird do you and your bf have children at all ? If you are both wfh and live alone can't one of you move in with each other? I just can't see people putting up with social distancing with partners and close family for another month or two....

I just don't see the difference in risk between my partner and I moving in together or seeing each other. We'd be doing exactly the same things, exactly the same risks 🤷‍♀️

@dollface19 no it isn't feasible to move in together at all. He lives too far away and I have one DC at home (near to Uni age). If things were different, then maybe but it can't be done. He has no DC himself and it would be difficult for him to have office space at my house, it just isn't big enough.

I really miss my boyfriend. I'm shielding so I have seen him once when he dropped food to me. He left it at my door then sat at least 5 metres away chatting for 30 minutes.

It's really, we were usually together 4/5 nights a week.

He can't move in because he is going to work every day and I'm not risking that.

Hi @GreenApplesBlueSky - sorry I haven’t been responding well to everyone else’s messages, just defending my own position on here! What’s stopping you from going to his every other week. Except it being considered against the rules of course!

We are all going a little mad... i definitely feel unstable for the first time in my life it’s definitely a head fuck all round.

It must be really hard for you if you’re shielding @fuckyouvirus

Although I guess at least you can see a good reason for keeping your distance when one of you is vulnerable and the other is still going out to work. For those of us who are both at home and both healthy it’s just so pointless. Hope you all stay well and find some way to feel happy in amongst all the shit, whether that be with your DP or not

Can anyone see us not being allowed to have our partners over until August I've heard ?! Or until they find vaccine 😳😳

@sofato5miles it's so hard. 💐

I don’t get it as government advice says no meeting in groups bigger than two -unless they’re your family

Which to mr suggests people not family meeting in twos can mix 🤔

It's all really stupid too. Legally I could move another four or five people into my house and all go out to work/shopping/exercising which would be a proper actual risk but legally ok 🤷‍♀️

Are partners really not mixing at all

No way would I do that sorry!

I'm seeing mine now but judgement from friends. And would obviously be lynched on here

Don’t blame you

Be fine anyway once new measures released Sunday as he said in questions today that he’s easing some

I just wonder if some of those measures will be couples who don't live togther spending time at each other's houses ?

Honestly I can’t for the life of me understand why anyone would break the rules but more so when you have DC. I mean if it’s just the two of you you’re putting your lives at risk then that’s your risk but when you have children who have no say in the matter I think it’s vile tbh. Oh, and against the law.

@FireandFury where's the additional risk though? As I'd be allowed to move him in and we live close distance wise.

Fire, we’re all grown ups and we’re making decisions for the good of our families.

My DCs miss my DP, they see him (pre Corona) a lot more than they see their own dad. Their dad is stuck abroad so haven’t seen him for months. If he were in the country they would be mixing with him. If he still lived with his previous DP, they would also be seeing her. But as it stands they’re seeing nobody. And going stir crazy.

I have suffered with depression in the past and I know that not seeing my DP would put me at risk of plunging back into that, especially as my overseas meds are not available at the moment.

I have taken a well considered choice to allow a situation that would in any other circumstances be acceptable.

If my DP lived with me he would be absolutely 100% allowed to go and visit his DCs, whether he saw them one or two days, or 50/50....so the way I see it, he’s living with me 1-2 days a week and visiting his DCs 5-6 days a week. Perfectly legitimate.

Tell me, what is the ACTUAL real world risk increase between my kids seeing their own dad or their step dad?

Or seeing him for 1-2 days instead of 5-6?

Show me the graph with the increased risk stats and I’ll consider it!

And given that the people making these fucking ludicrous rules aren’t even sticking to them, don’t just say “because the gov said so”!

Just stumbled across this, earlyish LTR but they are 200 miles away and I obviously haven't seen them since lockdown.
My DC see their dad who is still working as is his gf (who he conveniently managed to move in just before lockdown!).
I am wfh and have been for weeks, my partner is furloughed so neither of us are mixing with anyone.
I have no idea when we'll be allowed to see each other as we can't just meet for an hour outside.
But it just seems wrong that this could go on for months when in reality the risk is so low. It's just so frustrating.
I'm in a similar position with my family as they are 200 miles in another direction so again short meet ups outside won't be possible.