Can we talk about not seeing partners during lockdown

[SenselessUbiquity]

I think there was a thread about this, but I can't find it.

I'm struggling. I've lost my job, my ex is an arse, my children are brilliant but tiring. My boyfriend is a kind, funny, interesting man whom I fancy the pants off and seeing him (and being in bed with him) is the one really truly feel-good thing I had in a life that can get pretty tiring and can feel very groundhog day, even back when we were allowed in theory to do all sorts of things.

I'm struggling. It's hard.

Please can I ask: is everyone honestly following the rules? And if you are (we have) are you going to continue to do so, no matter how long it takes, no matter how many times they extend the lock down?

So then @FireandFury are you ok with children of separated parents moving freely between households? Because is that's fine but two single people can't hook up then you need to realise that your motivation is rule following and not limiting the spread of a virus.

In which case do us all a favour and stop shrieking about putting lives at risk.

I’m going to confess on here that I saw my boyfriend last weekend. I went and did a big shop for him and took it over and stopped for a couple of hours whilst his children were seeing their mum. This probably saved him several trips to the shops as he doesn’t have a car. I fail to see what the difference would be if we all lived in one house.

Exactly! There is no more risk. It's much more irresponsible to shack up with a partner to get round the letter of the law

I'm seeing my partner this weekend, the first time since lockdown began, I have stuck to the rules since it began but I've been having a shit time with the threat of redundancy and also having therapy sessions for PTSD so I won't feel bad for making a decision that benefits my mental health.
We're all adults on this forum and can make our own decisions, especially when the gov don't follow the very rules they set out!

Boris Johnson's reported draft five stage plan to end the UK lockdown www.walesonline.co.uk/news/uk-news/boris-johnsons-draft-five-stage-18211786

Households could be allowed to expand “social bubble” to meet one other household of family or friends.

Does this mean if we choose to mix with my our parents we are not allowed to see partners properly if we are living separate? Xx

@dollface19 if it's only one household you can mix with then yes, either or. Depends what the actual change is.

@sofato5miles ah I am so sorry. This situation is truly awful. I really hope that in the aftermath things can be resolved and that somehow you can focus on your dissertation as a distraction. Hugs to you x

@Mascotte bloody good for you I say. Like you put, apart from travel, no difference to moving in together. Enjoy your time together!

@Hippygirlmug I hope meeting you helped you to resolve your situation? This lockdown does bring irrational thoughts so hopefully walking together helped you to sort it all out for the best.

My issue now is this... I’ve had enough and would break the rules. DBF is a total rule follower and isn’t comfortable doing so. My ex husband was very abusive and I had an awful life. One of the values that drew me to DBF is his total decency. I’m conflicted now because I want him to park his bloody ‘sensible do as we’re told head’ and let his emotions rule him for once in his life! But he’s just not made the same way as me. I think he would compromise and go for a walk. But totally socially distanced. I think our own risk factors (which to me lead us to not be completely safe as both food shop but otherwise low) and therefore common sense should override rules for rules sake, he doesn’t! It’s really getting on my nerves to be honest. We never disagree but this is a biggie 😔

I caved and came to join him. He’s been I his own. I’ve just had my DCs. My mental health was suffering. It has been so good for me to be here. I’m back home tomorrow with my DCs, and I’m a bit worried about how the week will go, but I can come back in 2 weeks. Problem is he may be working away a few nights a week by then as his job role is changing. Am inclined to not care. This is messing with my mind...

@Doingitaloneandproud and @GreenApplesBlueSky I honestly don't blame you both for breaking the lockdown.

I had a long chat with my boyf last night re: breaking lockdown. He's also a stickler for the rules, but we did discuss the possibility of meeting this weekend. However after chatting about it, we've decided to hold off meeting and wait until after the government announcements on Sunday. We also agreed that we both feel solid (as a couple) and still feel very connected despite the distance, so until anything changes (such as feeling low/upset) we won't break the rules.

There were too many factors making me feel uneasy about breaking lockdown myself, but I totally understand those of you that have.

@Feckoffwithyourbananabread oh, that is a tricky one.. to be honest my man is a bit the same whereas I look at the risk and can't be arsed with rules for the sake of them. I'm glad mine came around. We were having a tricky time as I'd gone a bit mental with the lockdown and he's still very much normal life, working from home ax he usually does with his grown up dc for company. Anyway, seeing each other sorted ot all out and we're going to keep doing it. I totally see it's for people to weigh up their own risks and it's terribly hard. 💐to all

It's been over a week since I shifted to my DP's house now. It is 100000 times better than being completely alone during this. Feel so much better mentally.
Boris needs to announce something for people who are alone during this! I've still got friends completely on their own and it's so tough.

Thank you, I think we all make the decisions best for us, and I hope you all get to see your partners soon; It's so difficult to be apart from those you love but it irritates me no end when people say 'well if you loved each other you'd have moved in together' They forget there can be a range of reasons it isn't possible!

Exactly @Doingitaloneandproud! And I bet they are the sort of people that would normally frown on people "rushing to move in"..

I have a friend who keeps saying that it's a shame I can't just live with my partner. But when I ask her how that would alter the risk she doesn't answer.

My man lives less than three miles from me so no travelling as such necessary.

I'm finding, relationship wise, the isolation very hard. I live on my own in a small town about three hours away from my boyfriend in London. He's a new boyfriend. We started chatting online in November and met in February. Now we talk a lot, have split up twice and got back together again and both have had health issues.

Quite frankly, when he's had the next lot of investigations next week, I think we should be together physically to support each other's health needs if nothing else. He has a condition not fully under control that could become dangerous on his own.

He's had a negative COVID-19 test and I've been completely isolated in a small town with one death in a population of around 10,000. Only been out shopping three times since before the 'lockdown'. With him coming here from a London borough with a high mortality rate we'll be very sensible with leaving shoes by the front door, clothes in the washing machine and the bf in the shower before we do much more than bump elbows.

We may or may not still have a proper relationship after a week full time in each other's company but we'll have had a chance to rest and look after our various ailments and spend time together. And touch! Skin contact!

OP!

I'm mid 40s, got a partner of 3 years who I don't live with, got a child and some animals, family and friends. My partner would never come before my child, ever.
Saying that, my family/animals are also more important. Personally I need to prioritise who will always be there for me? What's the statistics? 1-3 or 1-4 relationships/marriages fail, but my family are going no where.

So in response to how am I coping, my answer is perfectly fine thank you very much. Not seen him in 7-8 weeks, and it's okay. We are definitely following the guidelines and have no intention of risking mine or my sons life. This won't last forever, so I'll see him again, he's not dead. Plus, it's 2020, with all the different ways of keeping in contact, I don't see a problem with adhering to what we're meant to be doing.

Anyone who are twisting the rules because of being able to 'go into Sainsburys and be with strangers' are absolutely bonkers. Rules are there for a reason and not to manipulate to suit yourselves. The longer people keeping doing as they please, the more deaths that will keep happening and they'll just keep extending lockdown.

@Mascotte am glad you were able to talk it through and he mellowed so that you’re now able to do what is working out well for you both. Living together wouldn’t be any different in terms of contact with others so I think perfect example of where common sense should prevail.

My DBF still being a stickler for the rules. I think he sees it as a sign of weakness if we crumble now. He’s a competitive sort 🙄 he would meet for a 2m apart walk together as some sort of compromise but not sure that wouldn’t make me feel worse...

Totally agree @spagbolsandwich I’m doing the same. The rules are there because some people are not capable of working out risk and judging the best course of action for themselves. So there are rules implemented to try and help us make sensible choices.

Wales has extended for three weeks and nothing about LAT partners. 😔 presumably England will be the same.

Agreed Smiletho! I have a few friends there. Testing provision is poor, i hear.