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Original poster

Relationship is going to end over a dog

170 replies

Apixiee · 25/04/2020 17:47

DP and I have been together around 6 mths. By my own admission I am not a dog person. I don't hate them, but I choose not to own one. I understand the bond that exists between humans and their pets but for me I just don't feel affectionate towards animals.

DP has a dog who is his whole world. The dog is also completely undisciplined and bad mannered.

  • He barks at any kind of noise. Throws himself at doors if someone walks out of a room and closes the door and then bites and starts shaking around the first thing he comes across
  • You can't touch him unless he wants you to. He has bitten multiple people who've put their hands down to stroke him
  • He steals food from hands/plates. I was starving the other day and made some breakfast. Stupidly put it down on the sofa and the dog just walked up and took it. DP thought it was hilarious and just 'what dogs do'
  • He lets the dog sleep on his bed. I don't want a dog on my bed so banned him after the first few times when he growled and went for my feet in the night when I moved. DP sulks about the dog being downstairs on his own and puts the TV on for him and goes down to 'check on him' constantly
  • He literally has no commands at all. Does not take a blind bit of notice of anyone or anything, even DP. He doesn't sit, come, lay down or go to his bed. Can't use a crate as DP says its cruel.
  • We were in the garden and playing cricket. Dog just constantly goes for the ball and runs off with it. I suggested putting him on a long line, DP looked at me like I had suggested running him over. DP wasn't here and I put him on a long line, in the shade with water so I could cut the grass (he kept attacking the mower). DP picked him up and was giving him the old 'poor puppy' routine when he came back and found him tied up.

I cannot believe our relationship is going to end over a bloody dog. I cannot change the way DP feels, I can only change my reaction to it and I cannot live with a dog which causes so many issues. DP doesn't see the problem at all and is highly protective of the dog. He gets very defensive of any criticism of the dog and takes it personally. He says the dog has never been trainable and he isn't going to give him up so what solution is there?

Thoughts?

OP posts:
Original poster
Apixiee · 25/04/2020 17:49

I 100% get that this isn't a dog problem its a boyfriend problem. But I just can't believe DP is willing to let go of a good relationship with an actual person over his dog or his unwillingness to do anything about the dog.

OP posts:
Fiddlersgreen · 25/04/2020 17:53

You’ve been together 6 months and you want him to choose you over his dog who he’s had for longer?!

Floralnomad · 25/04/2020 17:55

His dog may be badly behaved and that is the fault of your boyfriend , however you are obviously not compatible . When I met my husband I had horses and ponies and it severely curtailed what we could / couldn’t do as regards days out / holidays etc but if he’d suggested I choose him over my horses he’d have been gone , very quickly .

BlessYourCottonSocks · 25/04/2020 17:56

It would be the end of the relationship for me, and I like dogs (and own two).

The dog's not untrainable (or wasn't as a puppy). Your DP just didn't bother to do it properly and yes, an untrained dog is a nightmare.

Ragwort · 25/04/2020 17:56

I would be exactly the same as you, but I would never get into a relationship with a dog lover.

Many people are very, very involved/protective (can't think of a better word) of their pets and to them, their dog/cat/budgie is more important than a relationship.

DP has a dog who is his whole world - he has made that clear, nothing wrong with that and it's good that he is a responsible pet owner but the two (three Grin) of you are incompatible.

SadSausage44 · 25/04/2020 17:56

I've had my dog for 7 years. He sounds a bit better behaved than the dog you've described but I can tell you this if my new partner didn't like my dog, he'd be gone. So yes, you will lose your relationship over a dog, he will choose the dog.

NoMorePoliticsPlease · 25/04/2020 17:57

He has two choicesHe either takes the dog to e trainer and classes and becomes a responsible dog owner or he marries the dog

BarbedBloom · 25/04/2020 17:57

This dog is untrained and an issue but I would always choose my pet over a six month relationship I'm afraid. In addition, dog people will always want dogs, so it is very unlikely he wouldn't want another one long term when this one isn't around anymore. It just sounds like you two aren't compatible

Moltenpink · 25/04/2020 17:57

How old is the dog? If younger than 2 years it will calm down eventually.

SadSausage44 · 25/04/2020 17:58

Sorry, the human would be gone.

GreyishDays · 25/04/2020 17:58

Poor dog. Should have been trained. Stealing food left at nose level is fairly normal I’d say, the rest really isn’t.
I wouldn’t put up with a bitey dog either.

dudsville · 25/04/2020 17:59

I agree with the previous posters, you're not compatible. It's one thing to argue over the temperature of the house or whether someone is spending too much on the weekly. The much loved pet that predates you? Forget it.

Inconnu · 25/04/2020 17:59

I'd feel the same way as you OP. Better to end it now.

Cosyblanky · 25/04/2020 18:00

Do you want to be with someone who hasn't bothered to train their dog, just spoilt it rotten? What sort of guy does that? Can you imagine what the kids would be like if you choose to have them with him?

Glitterb · 25/04/2020 18:00

What do you want your boyfriend to do about it OP?

I would be doing him a favour and walking away. The dog is a lifelong responsibility.

Original poster
Apixiee · 25/04/2020 18:01

I'm not asking him to get rid of the dog. I'm asking that whilst the dog is at my house he agrees to my rules.

The dog is not allowed upstairs and he doesn't sulk about it.
The dog is allowed to be put inside of tied on a long line whilst we are outside for 30 mins so we can do stuff we need to do which the dog won't allow
The dog isn't allowed in the dining room to beg and jump up whilst we are eating

I am happy to accept if I am being unreasonable here

OP posts:
Windyatthebeach · 25/04/2020 18:01

Imagine if you had a dc... Not safe - and if he can't handle a dog he won't parent a dc either.
Ltb.
He has already chosen his committed relationship...

Sonichu · 25/04/2020 18:02

Why would you even get into a relationship with him in the first place?

category12 · 25/04/2020 18:02

Honestly your bf sounds a bit cruel and lazy. Cruel because his dog is going to end up pts for biting people if he's not careful. Lazy because he's not worked with the dog to improve its behaviour.

So he's no great loss.

Charlieiscool · 25/04/2020 18:03

He prioritises his relationship with his dog over a relationship with a human. He’s not worth bothering with. Let him go off into the sunset with his dog and go and find a man who wants a relationship with a human.

Original poster
Apixiee · 25/04/2020 18:03

The dog is 8. JRT.

Looks quite conclusive that we are not going to survive this. I cannot change the way he feels about the dog, but I can decide I won't live like this.

OP posts:
ShagMeRiggins · 25/04/2020 18:03

If he can’t be bothered to properly train his dog, can you imagine how lax he’d be with your children? I doubt you’d get much support, he’d be one of those dads who think everything is funny, anything for an easy life, and the difficult job of rearing children with love and consistency and boundaries would be left all to you.

LennyPugGoat · 25/04/2020 18:03

Dog would come first in my world

Aquamarine1029 · 25/04/2020 18:06

Just end it already. You will always come in second place to the dog and you will be miserable. Also, I think the dog being untrained and impossible to manage says a lot about your boyfriend's character and maturity. He has a responsibility to ensure his dog is properly socialised, yet doesn't even bother. That's a huge red flag to me.

BreastedBoobilyToTheStairs · 25/04/2020 18:06

it's good that he is a responsible pet owner

Well he's not though is he? Spoiling a dog and refusing to train it isn't being a responsible pet owner, it's being an idiot and absolutely asking for trouble.

My dog is my world and I couldn't be with someone that hated dogs, so I wouldn't ever expect someone to choose a new partner over a much loved pet. But Op isn't making his choose between them. He's choosing being a bad pet owner over his relationship, not choosing his dog over Op.

Poorly trained dogs aren't cute or 'just being dogs'. They can be bloody dangerous. Op you're better off without him.