Relationship is going to end over a dog

[Apixiee]

DP and I have been together around 6 mths. By my own admission I am not a dog person. I don't hate them, but I choose not to own one. I understand the bond that exists between humans and their pets but for me I just don't feel affectionate towards animals.

DP has a dog who is his whole world. The dog is also completely undisciplined and bad mannered.

• He barks at any kind of noise. Throws himself at doors if someone walks out of a room and closes the door and then bites and starts shaking around the first thing he comes across
• You can't touch him unless he wants you to. He has bitten multiple people who've put their hands down to stroke him
• He steals food from hands/plates. I was starving the other day and made some breakfast. Stupidly put it down on the sofa and the dog just walked up and took it. DP thought it was hilarious and just 'what dogs do'
• He lets the dog sleep on his bed. I don't want a dog on my bed so banned him after the first few times when he growled and went for my feet in the night when I moved. DP sulks about the dog being downstairs on his own and puts the TV on for him and goes down to 'check on him' constantly
• He literally has no commands at all. Does not take a blind bit of notice of anyone or anything, even DP. He doesn't sit, come, lay down or go to his bed. Can't use a crate as DP says its cruel.
• We were in the garden and playing cricket. Dog just constantly goes for the ball and runs off with it. I suggested putting him on a long line, DP looked at me like I had suggested running him over. DP wasn't here and I put him on a long line, in the shade with water so I could cut the grass (he kept attacking the mower). DP picked him up and was giving him the old 'poor puppy' routine when he came back and found him tied up.

I cannot believe our relationship is going to end over a bloody dog. I cannot change the way DP feels, I can only change my reaction to it and I cannot live with a dog which causes so many issues. DP doesn't see the problem at all and is highly protective of the dog. He gets very defensive of any criticism of the dog and takes it personally. He says the dog has never been trainable and he isn't going to give him up so what solution is there?

Thoughts?

Then end it now and find someone who doesn't like animals like you do.

If you expect someone to pick you over their pet then it's never going to work. Either they will pick the pet OR they will grow to resent and hate you for making them pick you.

Dogs are not toys to be shut away if you find them annoying, they are part of a lot of peoples families. Yes he should train it but you getting wound up because it chases the cricket ball (which is what dogs lives for.. chasing balls!) shows you need to walk away.

You can then find a non pet person and he can find someone who likes dogs as much as his does.

I have a JRT she is looking at the most trained dog ever in comparison...

Just end it, will never work out.

You can't impose rules on your boyfriend .

Honestly, you should never have got into a relationship with him.

Imagine if he started imposing rules on you?

He sounds like a crap dog owner but this is who he is and you won't change him. Best to
Let this relationship go.

I don't need a non-pet person. Just someone who's dog has some manners.

And no, I don't agree that putting a dog inside for 30 mins so actual humans can do something they want to do makes me a cruel or unreasonable person. Are there really people who would let a dog dictate if they can mow their lawn or play in their garden?

Both he and the dog sound awful. Walk away.

Some is you and some is him.

Putting breakfast on a sofa with a dog in the house? Really?

Are there really people who would let a dog dictate if they can mow their lawn or play in their garden?

I think a number of the responses in this thread indicate that yes, there are.

That’s a nightmare. He hasn’t trained the dog, no dog is untrainable.
I would end the relationship in your shoes. Your bf sounds such a dog lover that when this dog goes to dog heaven, he’ll be getting another puppy that he will also not train and he’ll have another nightmare dog.

You don’t need the stress and conflict. There are more good men out there with no dogs!

Why did you let him bring the dog over to your house at all , that was your first mistake . To answer the question about letting the dog dictate what happens , then no that is not acceptable but again it’s the boyfriends fault not the dogs fault .

He's as bad as the dog! Dump them both!

I wouldn't allow it in my home at all

OP I couldn’t deal with this either. I’m not an animal person but I’ve had partners with dogs, and friends an family. I have no issue with them whatsoever. They’re part of the family, part of the furniture.
However to me this dogs behaviour says more about it’s owner than the animal and I think that’s the point. He’s a lazy animal owner who hasn’t been bothered to care for the dog enough to train it. Hence it’s behaviour is out of control. Your DP is lazy and irresponsible. That’s the problem. The fact that it manifests itself in the dogs behaviour is neither here nor there. I couldn’t be with this man

Some crazy dog owners here!

An untrained, disruptive dog is my worst nightmare. I had a dog, sadly now PTS. He was generally good but I have loads of stories of 'funny' disruptive shit he pulled, especially later in life (suspected Alzheimers). At times he cost a fortune in the destruction he caused.

Dogs need boundaries. Mollycoddling him and 'poor puppy' means that he runs your boyfriend's life. The biting in particular would really really worry me. We got in trouble for that too when a five year old sat on mine hard and unprovoked. Keeping him out of the way while you mow the lawn is for his own safety ffs.

You won't win this one. Your bf is an irresponsible, immature dog owner. If he hasn't trained him by now he'll be too lazy to put the work in at this point. Is it your house? You need to ask him to leave.

You’re not compatible.

The dog would benefit from some training by the sound of it but if your boyfriend isn’t willing to try then you’re just going to row constantly.

You’ve only been together for 6 months and obviously part of that has been in lockdown so I presume not seeing each other. It’s no time at all really so I’d just end it.

I couldn't live with you, him, or the dog 🤷🏻‍♀️

Putting breakfast on a sofa with a dog in the house? Really?

Well, yes, really. Our dogs would never have touched food they weren’t allowed (unless they were starving or some extreme scenario). They can be trained to leave it. It takes a lot of patience but entirely doable, I promise.

He's a shitty dog owner. But at the same time, as a dog lover, I'd never date anyone who didn't love them. I just don't understand people who don't.

I ended a relationship because he didn’t like my dog. My dog is actually very well trained but he kept suggesting the dog was shut outside so that we could watch tv in peace when actually the dog would have just laid down on his bed or played with a toy.

I couldn’t be with someone who thought my dog was an inconvenience.

You aren’t compatible and his dog needs more training.

Thing is @ShagMeRiggins my dog is trained to do the things I want him to. I just don't put my breakfast on the sofa. He wouldn't dream of jumping up for counter or table food so he's trained that that's off limits.

Cant be arsed to train him not to eat floor or sofa food (I'd have to clean more for a start).

4 ddogs here. We can sit with food /snacks left untouched. We can host guests who aren't terrorised. We can manage a couple's relationship with ddogs as not the priority.
We still love our ddogs.
Your bloke is an arse hole.

Your partners dog sounds terrible.

However if my DH made me choose between him and my dogs, the dogs would be staying

I'd end the relationship - not because of the dog but because your boyfriend is a lazy arsehole that won't look after his dog properly.

If the dog is going crazy when he leaves then it has separation anxiety. Constantly barking and attacking means that it is stressed and bored out of its skull. JRTs are intelligent and need to be walked, have clear boundaries and be mentally stimulated.

The poor dog is bored, stressed and completely miserable. And your arsehole boyfriend can't be arsed to do any of that. If he really cared about the dog then he'd look after it properly. Crate training, when done correctly, is not cruel, so that just shows how much research he has bothered to do - i.e. none.

So I'd dump him - and consider it a lucky escape because if he is like this with his dog, then can you imagine what he'd be like as a parent?

Note I am a life-long dog lover with two of my own.

This is broadly similar to getting into a relationship with someone with kids.

If you don't like it then split up with him! Don't expect him to put you above the dog after 6 months (or ever).

I can't stand dogs but I appreciate the commitment they are and how dedicated a responsible owner has to be. I'd actually be really wary of him if he did cast the dog aside!

I 100% get that this isn't a dog problem its a boyfriend problem

He’s not a great BF. He is also a useless dog owner.

I love dogs. I wouldn’t be with someone who has put 0% into training his dog.