Relationship is going to end over a dog

[Apixiee]

DP and I have been together around 6 mths. By my own admission I am not a dog person. I don't hate them, but I choose not to own one. I understand the bond that exists between humans and their pets but for me I just don't feel affectionate towards animals.

DP has a dog who is his whole world. The dog is also completely undisciplined and bad mannered.

• He barks at any kind of noise. Throws himself at doors if someone walks out of a room and closes the door and then bites and starts shaking around the first thing he comes across
• You can't touch him unless he wants you to. He has bitten multiple people who've put their hands down to stroke him
• He steals food from hands/plates. I was starving the other day and made some breakfast. Stupidly put it down on the sofa and the dog just walked up and took it. DP thought it was hilarious and just 'what dogs do'
• He lets the dog sleep on his bed. I don't want a dog on my bed so banned him after the first few times when he growled and went for my feet in the night when I moved. DP sulks about the dog being downstairs on his own and puts the TV on for him and goes down to 'check on him' constantly
• He literally has no commands at all. Does not take a blind bit of notice of anyone or anything, even DP. He doesn't sit, come, lay down or go to his bed. Can't use a crate as DP says its cruel.
• We were in the garden and playing cricket. Dog just constantly goes for the ball and runs off with it. I suggested putting him on a long line, DP looked at me like I had suggested running him over. DP wasn't here and I put him on a long line, in the shade with water so I could cut the grass (he kept attacking the mower). DP picked him up and was giving him the old 'poor puppy' routine when he came back and found him tied up.

I cannot believe our relationship is going to end over a bloody dog. I cannot change the way DP feels, I can only change my reaction to it and I cannot live with a dog which causes so many issues. DP doesn't see the problem at all and is highly protective of the dog. He gets very defensive of any criticism of the dog and takes it personally. He says the dog has never been trainable and he isn't going to give him up so what solution is there?

Thoughts?

Bad mannered? A dog?

I've got a Patterdale and she's a sod. Terriers can be horrors. But she's better behaved than your JRT.

But I wonder if your DP has conditioned the dog to be needy and dependent because he (the DP) is lonely and likes to be needed (hence the dog sleeping on the bed and not liking people leaving the room). My XP refuses to leave his dog (Labrador) alone. Ever. So we could never go to the shops (wouldn't leave the dog in the car and obviously couldn't take it in the shops) for a meal or to the cinema. It was his 'get out' for things he didn't want to do.

If I was him, I’d dump you

Oh and worst of all - there is a certain type of shitty dog owner who actually enjoys the fact that their dog is mildly aggressive.. because, mostly an untrained dog like this isn't aggressive to the owner. So they get a little kick out of seeing the dog snap at other people - 'Oh only I can get away with stroking him if he's not in the mood, haha!' It's disgusting, utterly unintelligent, and actively cruel to the dog. If he is unperturbed at the dog snapping, then it's possible that this is the way he thinks - I'd walk away instantly from a bloke like that.

I wonder if your DP has conditioned the dog to be needy and dependent because he (the DP) is lonely and likes to be needed

Oh, this too. Once knew someone who raised a lovely dog to be an absolute nervous wreck as it was literally treated as a baby substitute - fed from her plate, slept in her bed, never left alone. The dog ended up on anxiety mediation, because of course she had to leave it sometimes - the poor thing had to be doped up to cope with it. 'Loved' her 'fur baby' to pieces... in my opinion, she should have had the dog removed from her for cruelty.

*medication

I knew before I read down that the dog was a JRT.
Fairly typical behaviour, friends dog is very similar .
They need very specific training from early on, but even then have a mind of their own.
The dog is not going to change now. Your boyfriend loves him and isn’t going to give him up. It would be very unkind to ask him to.
If DH had hated my terrier I think we would have split up over it. There isn’t really a way to compromise, unless he is prepared to do some training with a behaviourist who understands JRTs.

Adding that my Patterdale (little cow that she is) can be left with a plate of food and won't touch it.

Not because of training but because she's not food orientated. She has to be persuaded to take a treat.

But she's an idiot. I adore her, but she's an idiot.

Your DP may well have attachment problems with his dog. It's not the dog's fault (although terriers aren't easy dogs at the best of times, maybe he didn't look into the breed before he got it).

I'd dump your boyfriend and keep the dog. You have more chance training a JRT than a useless selfish fucker like your boyfriend. JRTs are smart highly intelligent dogs but like all dogs if they're not trained properly then, yes they're a pain in the arse.
Dogs like rules, boundaries and order. They have to work out where they are in their pack and I don't mean this in an Alpha dog way. I mean this in a let's live in a house together with rules and order that's comfortable for all. Your boyfriend doesn't have a clue. He's a really shit dog owner. This relationship isn't going to end well, he'll always put the dog first. Do you want to live like that.

My terrier also attacked mowers, hoovers, street sweepers brushes etc. He was a brilliant dog, and I still miss him.
I think a dog lover and someone who doesn’t like dogs are always going to struggle together. I found hoover killing highly amusing, but I am sure you would find that really annoying.
I read your Op again, and really he does sound like a typical JRT . You either love terriers, or find them a nightmare I am afraid.

Walk away ASAP and think thank god I no longer have a lazy BF who can't take time to train a dog that he loves and would be a complete lazy fucker with kids.

You either love terriers, or find them a nightmare I am afraid.

Or both

Eugh.

I could never be in a relationship with one of the dog-nuts.

Don't get me wrong, I love dogs and have always had at least one.

I'm talking about the ones who excuse their own laziness and lack of training by just ignoring the glaring behavioural faults in their animal.

The ones who attatch incorrect anthropomorphic traits to their dogs, and so end up completely misunderstanding them.

The ones who ignore the fact their dog is a dangerous animal and out of control.

I love my dogs to bits, but they are still just dogs. They are an animal that needs proper mental and physical training to live alongside a family.

They don't take precedence over any human.

In short, run for the fucking hills. Your bf is an idiot.

Hahaha. True.
I can’t post my terriers antics here as too outing, but think Montmorency from Three Men in a Boat.

( that was to MrsTerryPratchett)

You have identified a red flag after six months - well done, this is how it is supposed to be.
You have noticed that your partner has chosen not to train a dog, had chosen not to make sure his nearest and dearest are safe (his dog has bitten multiple people) and has chosen not to listen to someone v import to him (you) you when you say that you do not want to share YOUR BED with him and someone/something else.

This is all OK.
You are ok - your only mistake is in thinking this is a DOG person. It is not. You are with someone who does not suit you.

Say thankyou for the past six months and leave.

hills.>>>>>>

I agree and couldn't live like this, the dog sounds a nightmare. My in laws are like this and I avoid their dog like the plague.

I don't think you are being unreasonable especially not when you are just asking for your rules to be stuck too.

I think you’ll need to let this relationship fade out he’s one of these nuts who sees animals as being on a higher level than actual human beings take care next time x

I knew it would be a JRT. I have one and she’s a dick but I love her. To a lot of people on here I’m a terrible person. My dog does loads of annoying stuff and is so hard to train.
It seems that you and your boyfriend are poles apart on this. It’s probably better to move on now because it’s unlikely that him or the dog will change.

You don't like animals so you need to meet someone who dislikes animals too and I'm sure you'll get on great.
I don't think the dog is the problem here I think it's just the two of you are incompatible

I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone who couldn't be arsed to train their dog to behave properly. Your boyfriend is a twat.

I think that’s fair enough. I don’t want a dog. Never have, we have no life to support a dog (I work away or work long hours in London even if I do come home). Dh would love a dog. But he also works long hours (from home or near home), is stressed enough dealing with dc, has no time to walk or properly care gone. We will never get one. He holds out hope. But no, not what I signed up for. If it isn’t going to work, you just aren’t compatible.

Training a dog is literally a piece of piss, he couldn't even be bothered to do that.
You're seeing the end result.

If he's not prepared to do something about it at this late stage why should you bother with the relationship.

I would leave him OP. The dog is irredeemable and so is he.

JRTs are hard yes, but this is a guy who sees no issue with one that has bitten, repeatedly.

He doesn't 'put the dog first'. He puts HIMSELF first. It would take effort and probably money to make sure his dog is safe from potentially ending up being pts for biting someone - so he doesn't do it.

That's not a dog lover. Seriously, OP sounds as if she has a better understanding of the dog's real needs than her idiot BF.