Relationship is going to end over a dog

[Apixiee]

DP and I have been together around 6 mths. By my own admission I am not a dog person. I don't hate them, but I choose not to own one. I understand the bond that exists between humans and their pets but for me I just don't feel affectionate towards animals.

DP has a dog who is his whole world. The dog is also completely undisciplined and bad mannered.

• He barks at any kind of noise. Throws himself at doors if someone walks out of a room and closes the door and then bites and starts shaking around the first thing he comes across
• You can't touch him unless he wants you to. He has bitten multiple people who've put their hands down to stroke him
• He steals food from hands/plates. I was starving the other day and made some breakfast. Stupidly put it down on the sofa and the dog just walked up and took it. DP thought it was hilarious and just 'what dogs do'
• He lets the dog sleep on his bed. I don't want a dog on my bed so banned him after the first few times when he growled and went for my feet in the night when I moved. DP sulks about the dog being downstairs on his own and puts the TV on for him and goes down to 'check on him' constantly
• He literally has no commands at all. Does not take a blind bit of notice of anyone or anything, even DP. He doesn't sit, come, lay down or go to his bed. Can't use a crate as DP says its cruel.
• We were in the garden and playing cricket. Dog just constantly goes for the ball and runs off with it. I suggested putting him on a long line, DP looked at me like I had suggested running him over. DP wasn't here and I put him on a long line, in the shade with water so I could cut the grass (he kept attacking the mower). DP picked him up and was giving him the old 'poor puppy' routine when he came back and found him tied up.

I cannot believe our relationship is going to end over a bloody dog. I cannot change the way DP feels, I can only change my reaction to it and I cannot live with a dog which causes so many issues. DP doesn't see the problem at all and is highly protective of the dog. He gets very defensive of any criticism of the dog and takes it personally. He says the dog has never been trainable and he isn't going to give him up so what solution is there?

Thoughts?

OP- this is a good thing though, you're getting a fab early warning of what kind of person he is. Might seem gutting now but get rid, you'll be glad of it.

As you don't feel affectionate towards animals, and he is obviously crazy about his dog this isn't going to go anywhere - you are not compatible. It's not a case of a dog having some "manners" - the dog is just doing what dogs do. Maybe it could have been trained a bit more, but I would rather have a dog as a friend than a trained robot. I wouldn't even contemplate a relationship with someone who didn't like animals. Let him find someone who is going to accept his dog as part of the relationship.

I'd leave him too. What you are asking isn't unreasonable.

I also don't like dogs sleeping on beds or being allowed to beg for food at the dinner table over dinner, but I wouldn't get in a relationship with a dog owner in the first place.

I think his behaviour is a reflection of his personality in many ways, sounds a bit lazy.

You sound like you have already made up your mind OP, bin him off.

Admittedly he should have done something about the dog's behaviour, but yabu to expect him to get rid of the dog. If my BF told me to choose either him or my dog, the dog would win everytime. The boyfriend would be shown the door, I'd move on, without looking back, with absolutely no regrets. Love me, love my dog.

I couldn't be bothered staying in that relationship.

despite my username and the fact I have 4 dogs and am a vet, I completely think you are not being unreasonable to not want to deal with this. I would not stand for a dog that belonged to a new partner repeatedly biting me unprovoked in my own house. Yes, JRT can be hard work, but that's not your fault or problem. Why does the partner think you should be happy to put up with this? What's in it for you?
I doubt your partner will see things this way though. Owners like this can be very tiresome to deal with in the workplace, let alone the bedroom.

But I just can't believe DP is willing to let go of a good relationship with an actual person over his dog or his unwillingness to do anything about the dog.

Your relationship won't survive simply because you are not compatible when it comes to the dog. He has had the dog for years and is clearly happy with his behaviour. You cannot come in and set your own rules that are so contrary to how he wants to live with his dog.

It’s only 6 months; sorry you’ll have to move on.

Dog sounds horrible
Boyfriend sounds stupid and horrible.
Dump and run.
(Dog owner/lover here)

It's not a case of a dog having some "manners" - the dog is just doing what dogs do. Maybe it could have been trained a bit more, but I would rather have a dog as a friend than a trained robot.

My dog doesn't bite people, growl if I move in bed, or any of those behaviours, nor is he a 'trained robot'. He obeys commands, manages not to be aggressive, and also has an absolutely hysterical and lovely personality which I personally wouldn't change for the world despite him being a total git some days. The two aren't mutually exclusive and you should really re-evaluate what you think 'dogs do' if you think that's in any way normal or acceptable behaviour.

Is it a rescue dog ?

OP, may I suggest something?..
If you really love and want to stay with that man and the dog in tow, maybe make an effort?
Now by the description you gave , it seems that dog was untrained (which is irresponsible). If you are willing to put your time and effort and emotions into training the dog... Think of adult dog obedience course (after lockdown is lifted), that could be the answer for you. Just say to your partner that you want to bond with a dog and would like to do so through interesting dog course, where YOU are taught AND EDUCATED how to handle a dog. There is so much help from local dog trainers - you just have to look for it.
At this point maybe watch some Youtube videos regarding the adult dog training and be prepared to have a lot of treats (as dogs are very food motivated). Just establish a routine and teach the dog; most of dogs WANT to WORK for your approval/treats.
It might seem a lot of effort, but rewards are GREAT. However, it is not easy path.
I wish you good luck in whatever you decide to do

Honestly if my boyfriend if 6 months asked me to choose between him and my dog. He would be hitting the road pretty damn quick

Dog would come first in my world

Same, sounds like there are some behavioural issues the OP has a problem with but it's owner doesn't. So if the owner is happy with how the dog is and the OP isn't there is a clear indication of how its going to go.

But I just can't believe DP is willing to let go of a good relationship with an actual person over his dog or his unwillingness to do anything about the dog.

I can believe that. They have a long history together and change is unlikely to be welcome for anyone new coming into the picture. So I can completely understand a relationship not working out because of another family member be it human or animal.

whilst the dog is at my house he agrees to my rules.

This part is fair enough. I never take my dogs to anyone else's house because I know they don't feel the same way about them that I do. My dogs have run of my house, they can go where they want, it's their house too. But someone else's house isn't their house so they'd be expected to follow the rules of someone else there or I can not take them.

Your post sums up the average dog owner from my perspective. LTB.

Some of the posts on here are so so annoying, OP is not asking her partner to choose between her and his dog, she is asking him to respect her wishes when he brings his dog to HER house, I don’t think that’s unreasonable, he is the unreasonable one by not respecting boundaries that his dog should have . I would not have the dog in my house with that behaviour, or the bf come to that

he lets his dog down by not training the poor thing, her risks his dog being put down if it ever bites someone. babying his dog without any training doesn't mean he is a good owner.

forget about what you find annoying about the dog - why would you want a relationship with someone who cares so little about the dog to train it properly? it shows a bad attitude towards responsibility

Surely any JRT than doesn’t join in with a lovely game of cricket, isn’t worthy of the name terrier ?

Honestly if my boyfriend if 6 months asked me to choose between him and my dog. He would be hitting the road pretty damn quick

Which would be a blessing in disguise for him no doubt. People and their animals (that have likely been in their lives a good deal longer than you had been and will be there long after you've gone) are a package deal.

Anyone who gave me an ultimatum over anything important to me after only 6 months, be it a livng thing or not, would be welcome to f*$# right off and wouldn't be worth my time. I'd consider it a bullet dodged.

Your boyfriend is a truly shit dog owner and it’s clear you two will never be on the same page about any of this. It’s a major red flag. End it now and be glad you did.

Btw Bites aggressively. DP constantly has to tell people not to touch the dog when we are out or he will go for them... does he muzzle the dog when out in public? Frankly I feel sorry for the dog and whoever he ends up hurting because your boyfriend has done a shit job of being a responsible owner.

Very sad that he hasn't trained the dog which is not the dogs fault. He would be better off with a nicer dog loving girlfriend though, you sound awful.

I don't want a dog on my bed so banned him
I’d have dumped you for this alone. You wouldn’t ban my dog.

DP wasn't here and I put him on a long line
Your DP has been very tolerant because if you tied up my dog you’d be marched to the door and thrown out.

Sorry but YABU. He’s had the dog longer, why should he change for you? Presumably you’re old enough to know that you have to take people as you find them, you can’t expect to change them. This man is not compatible with you because you disagree on fundamental issues.

You either need to accept the dog or dump the man. The dog could live until it's 15 maybe. Are you going to try to get rid of it if you had kids with this man? The dog does sound like it's not trained but yabvu to ask him to get rid of the dog or push the dog out of his life, there's no way I'd give up my pet over a person.

He sounds like such a useless, lazy twat who is showing you who he is.

Why would you waste and further timevon someone who is so obviously not doing right by the dog.

He's a prat.

Cut your loses.

Lots of these dog-nuts would choose the animal over their own children if it came down to it! So I wouldn't be surprised if he'd pick you over his badly trained dog.

Beside it's not like he can give it away, few others would want to home it. He's made his badly behaved (smelly ) doggy bed, let him lie in it.

You've dodged a bullet with this one.

You chose a man who chooses not to train his dog. He has shown you what sort of person he is. He won't change. Life is too short to repeatedly nag him over this and it sounds like nagging doesnt work. End it now and bail out earlier if the same happens in the future.