Relationship is going to end over a dog

[Apixiee]

DP and I have been together around 6 mths. By my own admission I am not a dog person. I don't hate them, but I choose not to own one. I understand the bond that exists between humans and their pets but for me I just don't feel affectionate towards animals.

DP has a dog who is his whole world. The dog is also completely undisciplined and bad mannered.

• He barks at any kind of noise. Throws himself at doors if someone walks out of a room and closes the door and then bites and starts shaking around the first thing he comes across
• You can't touch him unless he wants you to. He has bitten multiple people who've put their hands down to stroke him
• He steals food from hands/plates. I was starving the other day and made some breakfast. Stupidly put it down on the sofa and the dog just walked up and took it. DP thought it was hilarious and just 'what dogs do'
• He lets the dog sleep on his bed. I don't want a dog on my bed so banned him after the first few times when he growled and went for my feet in the night when I moved. DP sulks about the dog being downstairs on his own and puts the TV on for him and goes down to 'check on him' constantly
• He literally has no commands at all. Does not take a blind bit of notice of anyone or anything, even DP. He doesn't sit, come, lay down or go to his bed. Can't use a crate as DP says its cruel.
• We were in the garden and playing cricket. Dog just constantly goes for the ball and runs off with it. I suggested putting him on a long line, DP looked at me like I had suggested running him over. DP wasn't here and I put him on a long line, in the shade with water so I could cut the grass (he kept attacking the mower). DP picked him up and was giving him the old 'poor puppy' routine when he came back and found him tied up.

I cannot believe our relationship is going to end over a bloody dog. I cannot change the way DP feels, I can only change my reaction to it and I cannot live with a dog which causes so many issues. DP doesn't see the problem at all and is highly protective of the dog. He gets very defensive of any criticism of the dog and takes it personally. He says the dog has never been trainable and he isn't going to give him up so what solution is there?

Thoughts?

I’m a dog lover, I’d pick a dog over a partner tbh...

But, I can’t be doing with shitty dog owners and he’s a shitty dog owner.

Don't even bother. Some people are so weird about dogs. Find a man who treats a dog like a pet and not a child.

The dog bites? Really? That's really bad behaviour.

Mumsnet is typically pro-dog, so you're going to get a slew of replies telling you "shame on you" - or words to that general effect.

However, I think it simply comes down to your house, your rules. The dog is undisciplined, and I would be responding to this in the same way I'd be responding to a partner's child if that child were misbehaving: ground rules are respected, or move out.

This sounds incredibly sad, but I can see both sides.
I’m not sure an 8 year old dog could be retrained but if you don’t want to end the relationship, can the relationship be altered, as in go on dates or stay at his but don’t have them over at your house?
Have weekends away ( not currently obvs) with someone else caring for the dog.
The dog won’t be around forever, so I suppose it depends on whether you can reach a compromise in the meantime.

He had the dog first. You aren’t a dog person so you seem pretty incompatible.
He loves his dog, he isn’t going to change. You don’t like the dog and resent DPs love for his dog. I would say time to call it a day. I personally don’t like badly trained dogs but I would not have someone dictate how my pet should behave.

Mumsnet is typically pro-dog, so you're going to get a slew of replies telling you "shame on you" - or words to that general effect.

And yet she hasn't.

Even at 8 none of that is untrainable . But some of what you mention is just normal dog behaviour. When you say bite do you mean nip playfully or bite aggressively . There is a difference .

Btw a dog is not being naughty taking food you leave unattended . And if the dog has been allowed to sleep in the bedroom it would take time to adjust to something different .

His dog is not bad mannered. Because he is a dog. The dog is badly trained. That is down to your dh. Lazy dog owner.

Id move on. Because the dog should be there to stay. And this problem wont change. And with such laziness, what would he be like as a partner and father?

I would feel the same as you OP. You may as well leave now. He will put the dog first and when that dog passes he will just pester you to get another one. You can't help you're not a dog person. Find somebody more compatible with who you are.

Bites aggressively. DP constantly has to tell people not to touch the dog when we are out or he will go for them.

He's weird about food and toys. So the cricket example, you can't go and take the ball off him, one you won't catch him and two even if you do and you take the ball he will bite. So we have to stand around waiting for the dog to decide to give the ball back. It's not like he's taking it to enjoy a nice game of fetch, he's just being an arse. Then rinse and repeat the next time he gets it

That's one insecure, fucked up little dog.

Dump the boyfriend.

I know someone a bit like this. He refused to neuter his huge lab. Refuses to train it in any way ("dogs need to be free"). Refuses to wash it. Smells awful and thrusts it's nose into every available crotch.
Interestingly he also plays mind games with his wife by leaving filthy kids clothes on the floor to see how long it takes before she picks them up.

Maybe look for a cat person next.

I have a soft spot for JRT but they can be little buggers. I think you should end the relationship, it’s not working because you aren’t on the same page. I would never choose a partner over my dog. My dog is my whole world and I’m very much like your dp

he's just being an arse

No he's not. He's a dog. There is no concept of arseiness. He is poorly trained. Your boyfriend is an arse.

I will also add that I had a JRT that would bite when people (other than me) picked him up. No matter how many times I told people not to pick him up people always insisted on picking him up because he’s a small dog. It’s infuriating how people don’t listen. Nobody should be trying to stroke a strangers dog anyway.

That dog (and it's useless owner) wouldn't have ever set foot in my house.
Assuming he has somewhere else to live and was only at yours for lockdown, send him home and tell him the dog isn't unattainable, it's him.

Untrainable

Make your escape OP!

Get rid of them both

Cant be arsed to train him not to eat floor or sofa food (I'd have to clean more for a start).

A sad by product of Leave It training indeed.

He's weird about food and toys. So the cricket example, you can't go and take the ball off him, one you won't catch him and two even if you do and you take the ball he will bite. So we have to stand around waiting for the dog to decide to give the ball back. It's not like he's taking it to enjoy a nice game of fetch, he's just being an arse. Then rinse and repeat the next time he gets it

That's possessiveness - and a good reason why dogs need to be trained. The dog isn't untrainable - it's that your boyfriend is lazy and has never bothered.

Thinking about it I had to tell him to eat the bits of steak I dropped on the kitchen floor yesterday. Maybe he trained himself. He does have a habit of doing that. He trained himself to follow the command 'where's your bloody ball now?' in the park. Pretty high level skills my dog has

I can take food and toys off both of my dogs without any issues at all. If I ask them to 'leave' or 'drop' then they will. Caring for an animal means training it. The dog is bloody confused because it thinks it's in charge - having never been told any different.

I’d tell You to go. No way I’d get rid of my dog for anyone