Relationship is going to end over a dog

[Apixiee]

DP and I have been together around 6 mths. By my own admission I am not a dog person. I don't hate them, but I choose not to own one. I understand the bond that exists between humans and their pets but for me I just don't feel affectionate towards animals.

DP has a dog who is his whole world. The dog is also completely undisciplined and bad mannered.

• He barks at any kind of noise. Throws himself at doors if someone walks out of a room and closes the door and then bites and starts shaking around the first thing he comes across
• You can't touch him unless he wants you to. He has bitten multiple people who've put their hands down to stroke him
• He steals food from hands/plates. I was starving the other day and made some breakfast. Stupidly put it down on the sofa and the dog just walked up and took it. DP thought it was hilarious and just 'what dogs do'
• He lets the dog sleep on his bed. I don't want a dog on my bed so banned him after the first few times when he growled and went for my feet in the night when I moved. DP sulks about the dog being downstairs on his own and puts the TV on for him and goes down to 'check on him' constantly
• He literally has no commands at all. Does not take a blind bit of notice of anyone or anything, even DP. He doesn't sit, come, lay down or go to his bed. Can't use a crate as DP says its cruel.
• We were in the garden and playing cricket. Dog just constantly goes for the ball and runs off with it. I suggested putting him on a long line, DP looked at me like I had suggested running him over. DP wasn't here and I put him on a long line, in the shade with water so I could cut the grass (he kept attacking the mower). DP picked him up and was giving him the old 'poor puppy' routine when he came back and found him tied up.

I cannot believe our relationship is going to end over a bloody dog. I cannot change the way DP feels, I can only change my reaction to it and I cannot live with a dog which causes so many issues. DP doesn't see the problem at all and is highly protective of the dog. He gets very defensive of any criticism of the dog and takes it personally. He says the dog has never been trainable and he isn't going to give him up so what solution is there?

Thoughts?

I knew you would be the anti dog person by your title alone: "a dog", not my dog/DP's dog. I'm sorry but I would not lose my pet for a partner.

Putting aside the dog issue (he's a terrible owner and is doing the dog no favours), you've been together for 6 months and it sounds like he's moved into your house? He needs to move back out again and take his dog with him.

There's no future here. He's irresponsible and won't even do the minimum to help his dog to feel secure and happy. This is not a good boyfriend.

This is so weird. MN is all about "my house, my rules" when it comes to in-laws and stepkids.
But when someone wants it to apply to her boyfriend's dog, she entirely unreasonable, wanting him to choose between her and the dog, and he should dump her.

Sorry op you'd be dumped. Dogs are for life, boyfriends or girlfriends are not 🤷‍♂️

To be honest a badly behaved dog can really change the dynamic of a house and cause a lot of stress. Me and dp have argued a lot over our joint dogs behaviour. I feel dp has been lazy and inconsistent with his training which has led to behavioural issues. But he's still my dog too and I love him a lot. I wouldn't be able to put up with it if I wasn't even fond of the dog.

You're not at all unreasonable to expect some discipline. I couldn't relax with a biting dog around. I certainly wouldn't want one in my bed! It's dangerous. How would your partner feel if the dog seriously hurt you or anyone else for that matter.

Sadly you can't force him to get rid of it so as others have said you're probably just not compatible.

@userxx OP is NOT asking him to get rid of the dog. She's asking him to observe just two or three rules in her house.

People are quick enough to expect children to be made to conform to house rules. Why do people get a pass with their dogs?

I love dogs. But owners need to ensure that they're trained to behave acceptably in other people's homes.

I would end the relationship if I were in your shoes. He wont get rid of the dog as it's his family, and I wouldnt choose to potentially live with it. There will be other men

Before getting a dog I would have said what an awful man, but now I’m totally smitten with my dog & love her to bits. I never would have thought I would love a pet like this. However, I’m sure it’s not too late to train the dog!

Your bf is a typical lazy dog owner.
JRTs can be difficult if not trained properly from an early age.
you need to dump the bf who thinks it's hilarious that his untrained dog rules the territory...even your bed...which is really bad.
I don't think it needs explaining to you that a dog that will bite you is a dangerous dog.
I met a guy once who told me he had a JRT and forgot to tell me that it did not like anyone to come into the house.. I stepped in after him and it flew onto the arm of the chair and bit my hand, blood everywhere!
I had to go to A&E and have 8 stitches to stitch the flap of skin back on and a tetanus jab.
The guy didn't think it was such a big deal that the dog had bitten me and almost said it was my own fault for being in the way of the dog's teeth. Suffice to say I did not see the idiot or his dog again.

But owners need to ensure that they're trained to behave acceptably in other people's homes.

That's the whole issue here though. He hasn't trained his dog and is clearly happy with the dog's behaviour. You can't change that.

@saraclara The op admits she isn't a dog person, that would be enough for me not to be in a relationship with that person. Love me, love my dog.

It doesn't seem to be working out for any of them, resentment will kick in on both sides. What's the point ?

It’s not ending over a dog its ending as you are incompatible. He sees life differently to you.

There's no such thing as a bad dog, just bad owners.

I love dogs and we have 3, but his dogs behaviour would drive me batshit. I also appreciate what the op is saying. Badly behaved dogs can control and take over a household. It's only been 6 months OP, time to cut and run

I’m a dog owner but that dog sounds like a total pita and I wouldn’t want to live with it if the primary owner wasn’t interested or cooperative with effective training. I agree that it’s time to call time on the relationship.

My dog is my world and DH would be gone if he did anything to him - let alone for a 6 month relationship. But I couldn't live with a dog like your boyfriend's so I don't blame you at all.

You need to end it. You are just not compatible and it it won’t last. 6 months isn’t a long time. Cut your losses.

My stance on not dating men with dogs comes from having been in a similar situation.

Nothing wrong with dogs, nothing wrong with men who have them, but it's not a fit for my lifestyle. OP, this will never change, and it will end the relationship sooner or later. Better for all concerned if it is sooner.

Dump. Good job you still have separate houses.

"I cannot believe our relationship is going to end over a bloody dog."

You'd better start believing it or the chances are that you're in for a big shock.

You've been in your bf's life a mere six months. You can care for yourself, in your own home. Your bf's dog is totally reliant on him, lives with him, and has presumably done so for some years. The price of that companionship and loyalty is sometimes an acceptance of behaviour others wouldn't tolerate. If it's "me or the dog" the dog will win every time.

Obviously you know it's not the dogs fault but your partners fault at not training the dog.

I understand the connection between an owner and a dog. And if I had to choose between a partner or my dog .... the dog would always win. So there's a few options I think you can consider:

1. leaving both the partner and the dog - very quick.
2. bond with the dog and try to train it with your partner.

I don't think the dogs current behaviour is acceptable and your DP has potentially got the dog stuck in some very bad habits. But unless the owner is willing to train the dog with you it would be a lost cause.