Let's sing our husbands praises

[Gratitudeiseverything]

Good morning,

I've read so many posts on here about how their DH is driving them crazy.

But let's take a moment to sing our praises for all the amazing things our husbands do.

My husband has been waking up every morning to make the kids breakfast and allowing me to have a lay in!

He's been making us all delicious treats like chocolate crepes and other goodies to randomly make us smile. He constantly thinks about my comfort, as I'm working from home and he currently isn't due to the virus. He even made me dinner last night and usually I would be the one doing most of the work during a normal week as I work from home and he works into the late evening with his work. He also has been great with the kids, helping with their homework, making sure they are happy and having fun.

He is truly amazing! Feeling very grateful 🙌

What are you grateful for?

Oh fuck off made me laugh

Thank you @Chiyo666 for making me see what about this thread is giving me the heebie-jeebies by supplying a comment to counteract the sickly-sweet cloying tone.
(not being facetious, btw. I was genuinely puzzled why i was feeling riled aside from the whole gratitute for just being a decent human thing )
I think its the unavoidable facepeeling tweeness of the title thats put some of our backs up.

Anyone know any other good substitutes for vinegar in these times of austerity?

There is absolutely nothing wrong with appreciating the tiny things. Even if it is just putting the bins out.
After reading the absolute shit show of people’s relationships on this board it’s nice to take a moment to appreciate not being married to a cockend.

The only way any husband on mumsnet can be the bare minimum of what’s expected:

• Get up early to walk the dog, make the kids breakfast and their school lunches, and a cup of tea for the wife

• Work full time

• As soon as he gets home, he plays with the kids, cooks dinner, washes up, cleans the house, puts the kids to bed

He then must not do anything for himself or GOD FORBID play a computer game

At the weekend he must never see his friends or go cycling or any activity away from the family

And if he does all that it’s not in any way good or nice, it’s NORMAL and the BARE MINIMUM of what an AVERAGE MAN does 🙄

Mine has just handed me mini cheddars and tea

@ravenmum - Lemons. But not for making lemonade.

If we're going with this metaphor, it appears to be chiefly women whose chips are reasonably crispy who are pointing out that deifying men for behaving like responsible fellow-parents and housemates smacks of internalised misogyny, sexual double standards and pathetically low expectations.

I don't disagree.

I think that if these women think they have truly exceptional husbands then fair enough. But people are finding all sorts of positives to get them through this time and attempting to make this whole sorry business a bit easier, so just let them get on with it.

Tbh, I doubt anyone can actually do much that is worthy of praise at the moment. And no, simply behaving like an adult human isn't particularly praiseworthy!

I think its the unavoidable facepeeling tweeness of the title thats put some of our backs up.

Yeah, maybe something like "what makes you happy in your relationship" would have been better. Still positive, less focused on the hetero marrieds, less focused on praising men for just being decent blokes...

Obviously you're exaggerating slightly there Bacon but I think even without the exaggeration, it's missing the point a bit.
A lot of the examples here are just what I'd expect from either sex. The standards are the same for men and women.

For example, someone says she's pregnant and feeling large, and her husband still thinks she's beautiful and kisses her stomach.

That's how it should be, no? My bf has told me a couple of times lately that he's too fat. I tell him how attractive I find him and kiss his stomach. It's a two-way thing.

@BertiesLanding Much tastier :)

Bacon, what you've put there I've seen women write about themselves doing, while their partner does nothing like as much. What makes it so outrageously unacceptable and unrealistic for men?

I've worked in and with a psychotherapeutic paradigm long enough to have learned a few things that are both commonplace and fiercely opposed:

• Most of us do not really know large parts of ourselves; we know what we believe to be true about ourselves, and those beliefs are often as far from the truth as we need them to be in order to keep believing in them

• Ergo, most of us are unreliable when it comes to both explaining or really knowing who we are, what we do, and why we do it

• We tend to betray the truth behind our own backs through actions and words, both simple and elaborate, that are the opposite of what is really going on. Examples of these are what's known as "Freudian slips" ... and singing the praises of those with whom we are frustrated, pissed off, or perhaps scared of, or whom we dislike for one reason or another

This plays out everywhere, and it plays out here.

I’ve had a serious relapse of various mental health problems (depression, anxiety, PTSD). DH is doing all the cooking and meal planning (he hates meal planning and never did it before).

@ravenmum so if your partner had a headache and you brought them a cup of tea and some painkillers, and they said “oh that’s nice, thank you!” You’d reply “Don’t thank me. I am just performing at a standard which I’d expect for either sex.”

@bacon thanking someone Is a social norm and is completely different to singing praises to an external audience.

Posters should read reality’s pinned post and raise their standards.

@Baconisgoodformeee I'd hope they'd say "thanks", the same as what I'd say. But if they said "I'm so grateful to have a gf who brings me a cup of tea! You are truly amazing!" I'd wonder if they were feeling OK.

I was with my exh 20 years. If I wanted a cup of tea in bed, I had to ask, and he would do it begrudgingly. When I was first with my bf and he told me to stay right there while he made breakfast, I might have been quite gushing in my thanks. He laughed heartily (almost thigh-slappingly) at how appreciative I was. I have now learned to just say "thanks"

As woman we put importance to the small things and feeling appreciated by our partner for everything we do even if it's something normal for us to do makes us feel good in our relantionship, valued. I would hate to do everything I do and not be appreciated for it.. Likewise its good to appreciate the things our partners do for us EVEN if they should be doing it anyway... Appreciation for the other and the small things in particular are what build a strong relantionship.

As a woman, I would say I have a healthy appreciation of my bf.
I praise him to others, saying that he pulls his weight and is a good cook. I thank him and comment on the nice things he does.

"He even made me dinner" is something I would have said if my exh had ever offered to make me dinner.
I'm grateful that it is not exceptional in any way for my bf to make me dinner.

I'm lucky that my husband is always helpful around the house.

He cleans the bathroom, Hoover's and dusts, washes up after dinner every night, cooks dinner every night since I've had our little one, mows the lawns, puts rubbish and recycling out, gets up with out 1 year old at the weekends to give me a lay in (he is a morning person where I'm not), baths little one Friday, Saturday and Sunday

Because of lock down and me having to shield as vulnerable, he now does the shopping and any other tasks that require leaving the house.

I know I'm lucky with how much he helps around the house as he was brought up with his dad doing it all, so sees it as normal and not my jobs. We both work, so share the load equally. He took more on when I was pregnant and after having baby, and has just kept doing it. He has his moments, don't get me wrong...but I know I'm lucky that he is hands on

@PegasusReturns yes but if someone was talking about nice or good things about their husband and said ‘he always brings me a cup of tea and a painkiller when I have a headache’ I wouldn’t say oh that’s just normal (even though it is) I’d say ‘ah that’s nice.’

The point is some of the responses on here are equivalent to if someone posted ‘I love how my husband allows me to sleep in the house and answers me when I speak directly to him’

Isn't there a difference between personally acknowledging the good things our partners/husbands do ... and taking the time and energy to post them on a forum?

I was sharing it so that we can all focus on the current positives we have in our lives as right now it is such a stressful time with the virus that I think showing gratitude is the best way to feel our best at this time .. It was a light hearted thread, meant for a nice read for us all. That is all!

There are more areas of agreement than disagreement. The op wouldn't have started this thread if such behaviours that are exalted in men were default and we know not only from on MN but global studies, that women do the lions share in the home inspite of working and child rearing.

What I guess we don't agree on is that when some applaud with " I've got a good one because x,y,z" it grates because it highlights how we are conditioned to expect so little from men and I also suspect some women on here might well, at one time have started a similar thread but are wiser now as to how seemingly perfect husbands can often turn out to be anything but.

I think OP you will find that by being grateful and happy when people do nice things for you, in general you are happier and have better relationships than those who expect that to be the norm and treat it with causal indifference.

Ah yes! My dh is AMAZING! He does 90% of the cooking, gets up with the dc most mornings and makes breakfast and brings me a cuppa (of course I do it for him too!)
He plays with the dc and teaches them lots of great things! He Hoover's the house every morning while I make the beds. He runs me a bath when I'm tired and grumpy... 🤣