Dating Thread 188 - Living and Loving in the Lockdown

[JeSuisPrest]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

And this is why I struggle to get on with men my age (early 50s).
Chatting to someone for the last couple of days and swapping life stories.
I have a teenage daughter, he has 4 grandchildren.
When life is normal, I'm busy with work, sports, socialising with my friends.
He is planning his retirement, occasionally plays golf which when he meets his friends, spends his weekends seeing his grandchildren.

He seems nice enough but our lives are miles apart. He says my life sounds busy and exciting. I think his life sounds dull.
I can see us running out of things to say by tomorrow.

Thanks maybe I just need to see things differently - this is about me and my ego needs probably. The reasons I liked exes were a lot of the wrong reasons. I came off tinder as no one was as interesting and lovely as Mr Return. I really regretted not giving him more of a chance the first time as well

@EchoElephant

What about some common ground like music or films?

I don't think there was an incident. We had the really amazing online date (the one where he delivered flowers to my door) and we chatted several times a day after that, then he just went quiet. Not radio silenced, but I feel like something is off. And then he does contact me and he seems really into me but then nothing for ages.

I think you should ask him how it’s going. It could be struggling?

@Cheesecakeaddict same as me. But we’d had 3/4 months when we’d been seeing each other of consistent communication as well.

Menora we haven't got that far. Although he said he couldn't imagine going out for a night on the town. Which I do occasionally with my younger friends.

I just think if our daily lives are so different then we're unlikely to get on well.
I practically live in lycra, so I prefer someone who's active and has a bit of life to them.
But all I get is men who are happily sliding into retirement on the sofa with an occasional round of golf.

@Jane1978xx did you hear from him?

I just don't get it. I need to get my head in the game and prepare for an interview tomorrow but I just can't. How have I let it get to me? I just so want to go round to his house. I tried to initiate a conversation and saw he was online, but no response 😭

@Cheesecakeaddict I called him out on it and he got defensive and said he was unsure what he wanted so I said I’ll leave it then. So not as much as hearing from him or not 🤷🏼‍♀️

@Jane1978xx ah OK.
Part of me wants to ask him outright. But I wonder if he's just bored of lockdown convo and he's keeping himself busy with friends and I'm going to come across as neurotic.

@CheesecakeAddict He could just have few new things to talk about, but ask if you’re worried.

Hi,it's been a while since I posted. Ages since I was on old but going to get a profile up this week. I chopped four inches off my hair with the kitchen scissors and now have a sort of bob going on and am due to go to my first client on Friday so feeling reborn after seven weeks of stuck at home with son.
Also have a very handsome midfifties builder next door renovating empty house,who I got talking to and now make him lots of coffee's during the day and we chat on doorstep( he knocks when he's thirsty).He has a partner and it's all very platonic but it's made me realise there are decent fanciable middle aged men out there and I need to find one! ( but builder wouldn't be for me anyway as he is like one of my ex's who can't say no to any stag do,weekends away and boozy yearly Vegas trips.like seven a year,though that's obviously on hold now)). I need a more homely sort who puts me before friends( yes,i'm abit insecure!)
Sorry to anyone going through a break up. Or wondering why their iron is cooling down on contact and not knowing where they stand. I'm so apprehensive about getting a profile up and doing it all again that i'm not sure my heart will take it but will be 50 next year so can't wait around ( if son gets cross with me,he yells out ok wrinkled and makes a dash for it). better get swiping quick I think.

@CheesecakeAddict I myself prob came across as neurotic 🤦‍♀️ But it was causing me stress so much.

lockdown is really affecting everyone. I want to talk more to fill my day but can see how others wouldnt want to if theres no way of meeting, it might make them feel worse.

@menora I think he's just being nice. I've spoke to a couple of guys like that and its like they won't say anything to disagree with u etc. I sometimes find them TOO nice and it fizzles out. I think I go for the wrong guys too 🙈 (as next para will prob show lol)

in my news - the iron who blocked me is back. I'll call him Mr Hospital now. he apparently got kept in hospital, was stressed and felt I was too full on contacting him. We have had a long text chat and Isnd he were honest with how we've felt last few weeks. I've said what I'm looking for if we're to continue. he seems to have taken on board and said he has some things going on in his life too but will want to give it a go. so will see how it goes. if only I could learn how to chill out.

@crazycatlady20 it's good he's back but why block you? I think that's harsh and childish.

@Jane1978xx you werent neurotic to ask what was going on. There was a significant change in his contact. Anyone would have done the same.

@Eesha I agree. it would have took a 5 min call or a text to say what was going on to put my mind at rest. i had felt like I was annoying him last week but he said no but turns out i was so think it was culmination of that maybe. Hopefully have cleared the air now.

@Jane1978xx I dont think it does. You obv made a good choice in asking as there was a reason behind it. How long would he have gone on without telling u?

This group has really helped me with trying to be honest with what I'm feeling. I know some things are best kept to yourself sometimes but if it really starts to play on your mind u really are best just saying something and talking about it and as the rule says if u cant do that with whatever u have then it's not strong enough anyway.

You aren’t neurotic for asking what is going on!! No way

And also not too full on to worry about someone in hospital!

I have no idea if he would have said anything. I don’t know if this would have happened if we’d been seeing each other in person. I know I haven’t done anything as I’ve been 100% consistent. Just feel a bit shit and really don’t want to get into Looking for anyone else now

@Jane1978xx sorry this has happened. It does feel like a shitty time but will pass. I'm the same, can't fathom swiping as I don't want to be disappointed again.

@Jane1978xx you sensed something was up and asked the question. You were clearly right. You did the right thing.

@crazycatlady20 feeling like I've missed something. So he told you he was going to hospital. Then blocked you. No conversation. No explanation. But you are ok with this?

@crazycatlady20 just be careful. He can't just mess with people like that.

So I messaged Mr Vegan last night and asked if everything was OK, he apologised and said he was sorry for going quiet and he'd make it up to me, but then left it at that and nothing else.

@CheesecakeAddict

Do you think he is struggling with the lockdown being extended? As it was Sunday I wondered if that has made him feel really down about things? You have asked him now so let’s see if he can be honest with you!

I don’t know what happened last night but Mr Return got brave and put himself out there a little bit. You were right he was being respectful and enjoying the friendship side. He is interested in not just a friend way

@CheesecakeAddict I have times when i withdraw into myself. Especially over his lockdown. Maybe seeing you but not being able to see you properly made him sad? Where were things at pre lockdown? My BF is very good at sensing my moods and knowing when to push me and when to back off but we had known each other over 6 months before lockdown.

@Menora it sounds like you are developing a relationship with a lovely base. One thing about lockdown is that you can really get to know someone without being distracted by wanting to rip their clothes off. Me and my BF have talked way more than before and feel so much closer as a result.

@crazycatlady20 I don’t see how you and Mr Hospital have come back from this. He blocked you, left you hanging and anxious. Then he came back, said you had been annoying him. You seem to be ok with that? I would be so livid! Is he not just seeking to control you, keep you in a box?