Dating Thread 188 - Living and Loving in the Lockdown

[JeSuisPrest]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@menora I think it’s ok to go back to other people in OLD. I always try and think of it as if it were a pub and you go around chatting to people. Sometimes you leave the pub with someone. So you are just back in the virtual pub and bumped into someone youve spoken to before.

I know I’m feeling guilty though. That maybe it is too soon and I would feel bad to get his hopes up. But he’s so friendly and it’s only very mild flirting it’s more very funny chatting than anything else. Mr M wasn’t even serious really but it was just such a mess and we parted badly.

If I get carried away with this one too fast I think my friends will never speak to me again!

Need advice please...my iron, 2 months since our first date. Incredible chemistry, slept together 2nd date ☺️. Obviously not seen him due to lockdown but we chat constantly over WhatsApp. We both start conversations, so it’s not 1 sided, but I feel insecure. I know deep down he isn’t sleeping with anyone else, but I just can’t go with the flow
My STBX had an affair last year, which has made me super wary. I’m actually happy with my iron, I don’t want anything more, so why do I keep feeling insecure?
I’ve tried broaching the are we exclusive subject, but he just jokes that he can only just about cope with me, never mind another woman. We never have a serious conversation about “us”. He seems keen, we have the same sense of humour, but if I’m not careful I’m going to sabotage it.
Analyse me...stop me sabotaging something that actually makes me happy! The lockdown isn’t helping, the fact that we’re still chatting after 3 weeks is good isn’t It?

Hope it's ok if I tip toe onto the thread? My track record with dating is pretty shocking, I've posted before about how I struggle to find someone to even have basic conversation with! However, I started chatting with someone on Hinge a couple of days ago and today realised we have quite a lot in common. Really easy to talk to, interesting conversation. I'm in a place where I really need to take my time and get to know someone properly and slowly, this seems like a place where I can talk about it. I daren't mention anything to anyone offline since my dating life always seems to crash and burn, is rather not mention it unless it becomes something worth mentioning!

@Mylifestartstoday

Rule number 12, perhaps? Jokey, deflective stuff like I couldn't cope with more than you isn't good enough if you feel you need more.

@Mylifestartstoday to me it all sounds positive and I think he is saying to you he isn't seeing anyone else by his actions. Maybe it's a question post lockdown in person? I know it's very hard to not be impacted by what your ex did but this one sounds decent.

Advice please: I think I'm flogging a dead horse so to speak. Messaged Mr HotandYoung on Thursday morning and he responded very flirtily. We had a bit of banter till lunchtime (swapping selfies, him admiring mine extremely flirtily!), then nothing heard till yesterday when he messages me a good morning gorgeous, then bit of standard chat at lunch, then nothing heard. When is it a case of me stepping back here? Should I just see how this weekend pans out then bow out?

I'm not expecting tons but at least some continuous chat/banter at least. Or is this just how it's going to be till lockdown finishes and should I just accept the mini pleasantries till then. He is working still though has been quite far away on site this week.

@Menora you've been honest with him, so if he is not fazed it is a good sign. Just keep chatting/flirting and see where it leads for now.

@eesha do you think it is losing interest or just getting caught up with life?

@CognativeDissonance welcome! Hope your iron is a goodie!

@CheesecakeAddict well i woke up just now to another good morning plus jokes referencing yesterday. I think I'm just falling down the paranoia hole of lack of messaging meaning something is up. I really don't know why I'm so invested! Usually my normal life would get in the way but it's almost this potential for a tiny bit of flirty me time that I'm clinging onto for dear life!

Morning all I think we are all wound up about how much contact we have with our irons or people we’ve been seeing a while. I’ve been paranoid about how much mr g messages or he’d have been online for ages and not replied. But averaging it over each week it’s ok. Also last night was prob my turn to call him as it had been a few days and he called lady and I just couldn’t be bothered 😕 I wanted to speak to him but I was exhausted and down. So maybe he’s like that sometimes. If we look at the bigger pic we are all still communicating and I’m sure if they didn’t want to speak to us they’d say or not reply or message at all. Got to have hope it will all be ok.

Also a lot of people are communicating a lot more with family, friends and colleagues so have less time potentially.

Morning everyone. I think we all have too much time on our hands and are therefore obsessing over the amount of contact and reading more into what's said than we really should.
Spoke to Mr Army a little more yesterday. Think the conversation is a little on the duller side as there isn't really a lot going on at the moment. We both said that honestly each day is really a replication of the last and days are beginning to merge into each other. He also gave me some advice on a fitness tracker which is his expertise as he is very into fitness.
Fingers crossed for theses next 3 weeks to go quickly and for lockdown not to be extended again

I'm with you there @Dancerinthemoonlight 🤞🏼🙏🏼

@MrDrummer. @Eesha. Thanks for taking the time to respond. It is promising, I’m struggling with trust issues (obviously, thanks twatty STBXH). I need to chill until I see him, and be happy with just the chatting.
This happens every time my ex decides to be an arse, calling me a slapper (oh the irony lol)

I am busy and I have less time than ever but I think the lack of seeing people is vey hard

I think also it’s important to remember that just because it’s lockdown and people are stressed that it’s still no excuse to be disrespectful. Speaking sporadically is fine and it doesn’t always have to be top quality chat either. But if something is making you feel like shit all the time it might need re evaluation on some level, either you are not ready or over invested or actually maybe they are ignoring you a bit too much.

This is why the thread is helpful as people can get opinions. Clingy iron has got bored of me already now but Mr Return has a nice steady flow so far and also that if he doesn’t reply straight away it’s just as he is busy with his DC. I felt bad for him that he felt like he needed to say that to me! suggests that all of us Male and female are feeling a bit wobbly in some ways

Thanks @Eesha, me too! I haven't thought of a name for him yet though 🤔

@Menora you make an excellent point. These strange times are not an excuse for treating people badly, and unfortunately a lot of people do want to do that - just note the witch hunts on MN and FB. Then again, it is a direct cause of low moods and unhelpful thoughts which can mean people just need to switch off.

Case in point: It’s the first time I’ve felt down since this lockdown started, possibly due to the weather turning, possibly work - I don’t know. I’m trying not to think about Mr GN and I’m certainly not being very communicative with him, because I just don’t really know what I think or what to say. Everything is just weird. In a way, keeping things un-intense is the most positive approach I can take, because then he is the goal at the end of it all, not the fellow traveller I’m getting annoyed with.

💐 to everyone. Hold tight.

Hi
So I joined POF and chatted to someone say Mr nurse who turns out we work for the same company he wanted to meet up somewhere like a park but I know it’s not a good idea at the moment although I have had the virus and am better now so just suggested a video call. In normal times if I was free I would have met him it’s quite frustrating actually as I think even with lots of chatting you never really know until you physically meet do people agree ?

Hello there,

I’m new to the thread 😊

Dipping my toe in after being single for 8 years.....

Finding it difficult to sustain any irons over lockdown. Find myself getting bored of them. Maybe it’s because I haven’t clicked with anyone?? Still preserving though

Persevering fgs!!!!

I think with a video call you can get a decent idea of them .

@shitwithsugaron yes I think so yes that’s true I would usually voice call or video call before meeting someone anyway I guess we have to all invent other ways of getting to know someone thanks anyway

This lockdown has sent me from being a normal person to an extremely horny/need sex after lockdown person.
its on my mind all the time.
im currently single and need a woman desperately after lockdown any suggestions for sites for hooking up for sex after lockdown.