Do many women have good, enjoyable sex lives after menopause?

[AnotherDayAnotherQuestion]

I'm in my early 40s, happily married for 20 years, and have always had a relatively high sex drive which is well matched to DH's. However, I've recently had some times when I can happily go quite a bit longer without sex, and I keep reading things which make me nervous about the future. Is this definitely going to change dramatically soon, during peri-menopause and menopause? I supposed I'm just wondering whether any older women have encouraging experiences to share, as I keep reading about how you have to redefine your relationship, etc.. I'm not asking for details and am not a troll/pervert - I've been on here yonks, but am serial NCer.
Thank you!

[MrsFrankDrebin]

I'm perimenopausal so not past the rubicon yet but I don't think is one size fits all. My sex drive has never been higher

I agree. I'm in peri too - periods still mostly regular (but more like every 40 days than the 32 I was used to all my adult life) and I'm the 'wrong side' of 50 by a couple of years. But there's a lot of truth in 'don't use it, you'll use it', and I enjoy our love-making so much I'm determined to not let that happen if I can possibly help it.

I'm not saying there won't come a time when I feel more 'meh' about it, but it's not right to say that just because a woman is peri-menopausal, or even post-menopause, that she can't enjoy a fulfilling sex life (can't speak for forced hormonal changes, e.g. hysterectomies, I'm talking just normal phases of development without anything else interfering.)

However, from my experience, I firmly believe that half the responsibility for that lies with the man - he is a huge part of it, and communication is everything. You're in this together.

[Hoggleludo]

Peri menopause here

Gone. Zilch.

I literally couldn't care less.

I've got an endocrine dr. So I've spoken to him. He says it's really hard to do sex hormones for a woman. He says it's really easy to replace a mans (that's just about right isn't it!)

I go to Harley street to see this guy. He's amazing.

[Babdoc]

Lots of individual variation, but plenty of women do still retain their libido post menopause.
I remember MIL consulting me for advice (I’m a doctor, now retired) in great consternation because FIL’s blood pressure tablets had caused erectile dysfunction. They were in their 80’s at the time, and still besotted after more than 50 years of marriage!
Even if you are single or widowed, regular masturbation can still be very enjoyable, releasing dopamine and endorphins and relieving stress. It may be a case of “use it or lose it”, and some women may need help with HRT or lubrication, (and may have to be adaptable with positioning if suffering from arthritis) but the good news is that it’s certainly possible.

[AuntieMarys]

I'm 60, dh 61.
Been together 5 years and we have a great time! I was on HRT for 8 years and been off for 2. We have sex 4 times a week.

[doodleygirl]

I am 56 and my sex drive is as high as ever, I am on HRT though. My friends who are not on HRT have suffered with a crash in their libido.

[Oblahdeeoblahdoe]

@ClareVH I do actually think it's OK to go on HRT for libido as long as there are no health implications. A healthy, intimate relationship is good for one's mental health

[MysterOfwomanY]

I had a Mirena so didn't have periods anyway, but when I was about 47 I got night sweats, terrible mood issues and all of a sudden not only did my private parts pack up but my sex-brain did too - you could sit me in front of an orgy and I'd find my brain looking past the writhing bodies to check out the wallpaper, however much I tried to think Rude Thoughts.

Prior to that our sex life was fine, and I was appalled that basically at my age I was no longer able to have meaningful enjoyable sex with my much-loved husband.

Putting all this together and after a few months I looked up HRT which was supposed to be good for libido and got a prescription from a lady GP at the surgery.

I'd been expecting to have to try different drugs and deal with side effects etc but I was really lucky. 10pm - took first pill before bed - 10:30 - felt like myself again - and all at once I could see why people are so keen on HRT. Within a couple of weeks I had a libido back (admittedly my sexual response was different from what it used to be so it felt a bit like the NHS had found an old one on the shelf, dusted it off and given it to me!)
and now we have sex um about 4x as much as we did
So I would definitely count me in the "have you considered HRT?" camp
And I'm of the age where people keep dying on you (plus "world events") and the shagging has played a big, big part in keeping me sane and helping me sleep.

Mid 50s now.

[LikeATipple]

It was definitely worse in my 40s when DCs were young and I had let myself go a bit and was so tired all the time. Now they have flown the nest and I've lost weight and feel better about myself, I just feel sexier. I had menopause about 5 years ago I think. Definitely a lot happier post menopause and that's why I feel sexier too. PP was right about the psychological side of it all, for me at least!

[Zaphodsotherhead]

59 here and another one for whom the desire just vanished like falling off a cliff (vaginal atrophy here too).

HOWEVER. A lot of this was down to the man at the time, who couldn't understand that sex was painful and would carry on ramming away even when I was wincing and trying to pull away. That practically killed any sexual desire stone dead.

I still fancy some men, I still have a sex drive of a sort, but no real desire to do anything about it. Maybe if a man I totally desired chatted me up I might, but...well, 59...

[TheStuffedPenguin]

Those that mention vaginal atrophy - you do realise that HRT can help with this ?

[ChristmasFluff]

I'm mid 50s, and I found from mid 40s onwards it was important for me to have sex even if I didn't feel like it - I've found the more you do it, the more you want to do it.

Now I'm having a dry spell, I don't know that I'll ever bother having sex again :-D But then I presume one day I'll meet someone I fancy, make the effort, and I'll get the desire engine ticking over again.

[PurpleBlueAnemone]

VA-HRT, moisturisers, Multi gyn gel.

[Zaphodsotherhead]

I've been using the special gel to combat VA. Didn't really work.

And for various reasons I don't want HRT.

[VictoriaBun]

I went through the menopause very young (39) . I realise now I probably should have gone on HRT, but I was not put on it by my gp and as I was managing ok I didn't push for it.
I'm now in my late 50s and sadly have clitoral atrophy. This means my clitoris has shrunk to almost nothing. I can only think this was due to not having HER and the length I've not had enough hormones in me. I still have sex, but whilst it's a nice experience it mainly does not end up in orgasm.

[VictoriaBun]

Not HER but HRT ! damn predictive text !

[TeawithCakes]

My periods stopped suddenly at 45 and my hormones went crazy! I became horny as hell! Settled down but still left with a high sexual drive. Unfortunately, I don’t fancy my DH so that’s another story!!

[PurpleBlueAnemone]

Zaphodsotherhead have you tried topical HRT cream for VA? It only affects the immediate area you apply it to so not as many negatives as full systemic HRT.

[Oblahdeeoblahdoe]

May I ask a question? - is it ever too late to go on HRT? And which is the best one for improving your libido? @MysterOfwomanY

[maras2]

It took a while, probably around 8 months after the last menopausal symptoms.
When my full libido returned I found it much easier to orgasm especially PIV, (sorry, TMI) .
It's over 20 years ago but I think the menopause was one of the best things for me.
I didn't take HRT but used Evening Primrose Oil.Don't know if that had anything to do with it as my DS used HRT and had similar results.

[DangerCat01]

Just to add the HRT is brilliant also for stopping our old bones and teeth from crumbling and maintaining lovely skin and hair.

You wouldn’t just be taking it for the libido.

[Knittingnanny]

I didn’t take her ( was told it wasn’t suitable as I am a severe migraine sufferer) but the vagifem suppositories contain some topical hrt I believe and are amazing.
I think not worrying about pregnancy helps as well

[SlayB]

Honestly this was me a few months back. I couldn't think of anything worse than having sex and was happy not to bother. I didn't have the energy.

So I started taking supplements ( Pueraria mirifica has been shown to increase sex drive. It can also increase vaginal moisture.--Pueraria Mirifica also has the property to hydrate the skin and boost collagen production. This gives you a healthier, more youthful-looking complexion and firmer skin)

I've also been exercising with an online trainer who is fit.

Finally I'm seeing someone new who is a more good looking version of Daniel Craig with a body to match. My lust is off the scale.

So ladies there you go you can get it back.

[madcatladyforever]

Post menopause here, had zero sex drive post menopause, couldn't even pretend just found the whole thing repellant and would not do it any more and no surprise divorced.
I can't bear the thought of having to have sex with another man.
Sorry I wish I had a good story to tell.
I could have kept my marriage going by gritting my teeth and thinking of england but don't see why I should do something I find horrific just to stay married to a complete loser.

[madcatladyforever]

In america they issue small doses of testosterone legally to boost sex drive which apparently works brilliantly, I friends over there on it.
Over here however, it is not given to menopausal women for no good reason.
I said to my doctor my marriage is failing because you will not prescribe this for me and she just said my hands are tied.

[CoronaIsShit]

I’ve been peri menopausal for the last year or so, currently into month 5 with no period (age 48), and have certainly not experienced any disinterest in sex, quite the opposite. I haven’t really experienced any symptoms. I think this ties in with doing lots of exercise and have never felt better in myself. I also take a good vitamin with high B vits, selenium and zinc and drink lots of water.

Still very attracted to DH after 27 years but he has also kept himself very fit and looks better now than he did when we first met in my opinion so feel very lucky there when I look at men of a similar age to him.

Coconut oil is a natural remedy in place of lube and works really well. Especially good for a before or after massage too. My skin is great everywhere now!