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Original poster

Dp constantly moans about my boobs

346 replies

Mumofthree1984 · 13/04/2020 16:05

Sorry for the rant but I'm so so so pissed off. Dp constantly moans about my boobs, yes they are quite big a 38 DD/E he hated me wearing balcony bras so I took him with me to get fitted in M&S into full cup bras (his choice) a pack of two padded and 2 lacey, he was ok with these at the time. My black padded one has somehow gone missing, I'm. Sure it's in the house somewhere but with 5 of us living here probably got mixed up somewhere. Any way he hates me wearing low cut tops, when I say low cut they aren't the type that my tits are literally hanging out, in fact u can't even see my cleavage just my chest. He says it's if I. Lean forward u can see done some of them. This is becoming very very very draining. I even ripped a bra off in an argument well actually 2 now, we were going up to the cemetary to visit my dads grave, all ready to leave and he starts, we'll that tops a bit revealing, i was so angry, it's not even showing anything! I ripped the top. Off anf the bra, so. Now I'm. Down to 1 bra yes 1, i refuse to buy anymore, I can't afford it, i said why don't we just cut my boobs off, that's the last option we have. I'm not wearing turtle necks all year, so. Now I'm sat in my pyjamas really annoyed whilst he is in my room. Going through all my tops! I've had enough seriously enough

OP posts:
Bananalanacake · 13/04/2020 20:04

How long were you together before he moved in with you. Was it his idea to live together. Were your DC happy for him to move in.

Opaljewel · 13/04/2020 20:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Wannabangbang · 13/04/2020 20:05

I haven't read all of the thread but the opening title and post i have.
Seriously this man is controlling you, you may not see this as abuse but it's emotional abuse. He is dictating what you wear and what styles of underwear you must wear. This isn't healthy nor normal. Get rid of him, and fwiw once he's gone out of your life go out and buy every single bra you have never been able to wear and flaunt what your mother gave you. Don't let this b grind you down op Flowers

peppermintcapsules · 13/04/2020 20:05

What BackstreetCookers and FlaskMaster said. It's not just the one issue, he doesn't let you go out alone! He's not lovely and it's not fine. You've moved in an abusive man with your three kids in record time and are seeking to being another child into this mess.

Offside · 13/04/2020 20:07

It’s not the only issue is it though, OP? Because he won’t let you go out alone, and I’m sure there’s more than would be issues to the general public but to you it’s normal. You need to have a think about the expectations you’re setting for your children.

BackseatCookers · 13/04/2020 20:09

You've moved in an abusive man with your three kids in record time and are seeking to being another child into this mess.

Three daughters I believe too. Bloody hell.

AnneLovesGilbert · 13/04/2020 20:13

Oh dear. Your children have no choice who they live with it. It’s your responsibility not to invite twats into their lives. You won’t shrivel and die if you’re single for a bit.

Wannabangbang · 13/04/2020 20:17

Three daughters :( what about when they reach their teens will he be allowed to dictate to them what bras to wear :/

Jeez and he doesn't let you go out alone. Get shot of him pronto

mathanxiety · 13/04/2020 20:19

If you have a daughter, please be aware that this kind of man - one with no boundaries, no conception of other people as real human beings, and an idea that you are an extension of his self image - is a prime candidate for sexually abusing her.

She is seeing a man treating a woman like something he owns, something he has rights over, someone he expects to control. This is a terrible example to be exposed to.

He will do a number on your sons too, if you have any. They will see their mother disrespected, and it will hurt them deeply. Worse, they will see a terrible model of how a man should treat a woman.

Sertchgi123 · 13/04/2020 20:25

I have nothing to add, you've received excellent advice. Please read this thread carefully and follow the advice given. Flowers

RedRed9 · 13/04/2020 20:27

Its just this one poxy issue, just this one, everything else is fine, it's so. Frustrating.

Are you ignoring the other issues? You’ve mentioned many.

Heatherjayne1972 · 13/04/2020 20:30

Op
There’s some good advice been given you here on this thread
Please call womens aid.

He’s not going to change. Next it’ll be your belly or bum- too big. Too wobbly etc
Your skirts will be too short heels too high etc etc He won’t like your hair. Your makeup etc etc
This behaviour won’t end Ever

Please please remember that a number of us have experienced men like this

It’s no way to live. You deserve more

Maverick66 · 13/04/2020 20:32

I just find this crazy in the extreme. You need serious help and some sort of intervention.

GilbertMarkham · 13/04/2020 20:34

He thinks you are his possession.

He doesn't want other men looking at his possession (or at certain body parts of his possession).

That's why he dictates that you wear bras that cover (and possibly minimise) your breasts. That's why he dictates what tops you wear and how much you can see your breasts or not (he would only truly be happy with a black loose cape, even then he probably wouldn't be happy .. but he can't force you to wear that in this society anyway).

Relationships don't go well with people who view others as possessions and think they have the right to.control them..

He also seems to be controlling if and when you go out alone.

He's a lunatic under the surface, you know.

He's not insecure - he's deeply deeply insecure, controlling, possessive and ultimately a but sick in the head a d vijkf never manage a good, decent relationship.

I read about a young woman who had a bf like this and when he'd got her boobs covered to his (relative) satisfaction, he moved onto her arse .. by the end she couldnt wear anything that wasn't loose and massive around her arse, and he made her change from wearing normal knickers to men's boxer shorts so men couldn't see her panty line. There's no pleasing men like this, they're sick.

He'll affect your daughter's as they're growing up too.

DeeCeeCherry · 13/04/2020 20:44

Reminds me of an ex. We were on holiday in Paris & if even the top of my chest was showing (no cleavage) he'd accuse me of showing my breasts. Last day of holiday sat at a cafe I was wearing a strappy long flowing dress, not revealing, and he went on and on and on. There were many similar incidents over the years. I just thought right, you're fucking gone when we get back. & That was that. Men like this are draining OP. They don't change. You either have to leave him or change your dress sense to suit him. There's no middle ground unfortunately.

Interestedwoman · 13/04/2020 21:13

Op isn't even listening and clearly won't contemplate leaving this man

@Opaljewel It's been five hours. It took me nine days to block a wrong'un based on a thread I made, and I wasn't even living with him. By page 5 of my thread there were people claiming it was a waste of time commenting, which couldn'tve been more wrong. It was a massive change in my life, and I saw him completely differently after a few days of women's comments.

These things can take a bit of time, it doesn't mean an OP isn't listening, they just aren't yet 100% able to see it yet- but they probably eventually will.

Interestedwoman · 13/04/2020 21:15

@Maverick66 Unfortunately this situation isn't 100% rare. Sad

AnnaNimmity · 13/04/2020 21:21

What @GilbertMarkham says. I also went out with someone like this - he owns you. You are there for his sexual gratification, and no one else. He is jealous, controlling and insecure.

@CodenameVillanelle yes all women have agency and should protect their children. Yes by subjecting your children to a controlling, abusive man, you are hugely damaging them. We know that. The OP knows that. But she hasn't realised or accepted yet that he is abusive. We shouldn't be blaming her, we should be helping her to leave. She clearly couldn't see clearly or she wouldn't have asked. She wouldn't be planning a baby with this awful man. She'd take her children and run a mile. But only if she accepted or realised she's being abused.

Women keep their children in the company of all kinds of vile, violent, abusive men. I don't think they do do it because they intentionally want to harm their children.

I risked my children for such a man. He was controlling and abusive, but I didn't realise it - even when my friends told me. Even when he hit me. He had me hooked. No one could tell me - it was me that realised when it became too hard to avoid. When he physically hurt me and I realised that my kids could lose me. But I was a couple of years down the line by then. I wasn't a bad parent.

CandyLeBonBon · 13/04/2020 21:21

Really op?

baubled · 13/04/2020 23:20

If he think that behaviour is okay, believe me you will have worse to come if you have kids. It's not one issue it's one HUGE red flag but I get the feeling you'll carry on anyway

user1481840227 · 13/04/2020 23:20

@Interestedwoman, I'd imagine sometimes it's sinking in behind the scenes but far more often it's not at all.
The thing is she could get pregnant in no time at all which is why I think people respond quite angrily and with frustration to posts like this.

Candyfloss99 · 13/04/2020 23:30

This is abusive behaviour. A man doesn't get to decide what type of underwear you wear. I can't believe he went to a bra fitting with you. Leave him.

BuzzingtheBee · 13/04/2020 23:31

Tell him to fuck off

TomTomRunner · 13/04/2020 23:51

One poxy issue which is ruling your life and that of your children. Doesn't sound poxy to anybody on this thread.

SkiingIsHeaven · 14/04/2020 00:06

You definitely definitely need to tell him that his cock is too small and moan that he is not trying hard enough to make it more impressive.

What a prick.