Dp constantly moans about my boobs

[Mumofthree1984]

Sorry for the rant but I'm so so so pissed off. Dp constantly moans about my boobs, yes they are quite big a 38 DD/E he hated me wearing balcony bras so I took him with me to get fitted in M&S into full cup bras (his choice) a pack of two padded and 2 lacey, he was ok with these at the time. My black padded one has somehow gone missing, I'm. Sure it's in the house somewhere but with 5 of us living here probably got mixed up somewhere. Any way he hates me wearing low cut tops, when I say low cut they aren't the type that my tits are literally hanging out, in fact u can't even see my cleavage just my chest. He says it's if I. Lean forward u can see done some of them. This is becoming very very very draining. I even ripped a bra off in an argument well actually 2 now, we were going up to the cemetary to visit my dads grave, all ready to leave and he starts, we'll that tops a bit revealing, i was so angry, it's not even showing anything! I ripped the top. Off anf the bra, so. Now I'm. Down to 1 bra yes 1, i refuse to buy anymore, I can't afford it, i said why don't we just cut my boobs off, that's the last option we have. I'm not wearing turtle necks all year, so. Now I'm sat in my pyjamas really annoyed whilst he is in my room. Going through all my tops! I've had enough seriously enough

I don't know how long she's been with him
According to her previous posts she split with her ex 2 years ago and has been with this prize catch for a year.

This ain't normal mate. If you can, tell him to f-off. Boobs are boobs and you should love yours. They're none of his business. This has actually made me quite mad on your behalf! He should love all of you and build your confidence so you also love all of you. I'm sure they are smashing

What would happen if you went by yourself? What would he do?

If it's just this one poxy issue, can you explain why he wouldn't let you go out alone? Or why you would say that if it isn't in fact true?

I just saw that you are TTC with him... you do know your boobs get bigger when you're pregnant, right? And you will need to wear maternity bras, will they be allowed? What about breastfeeding? I spent the first few weeks with my boobs out the whole time while feeding my newborn! How would he cope with that?!

It's totally bizarre behaviour and would freak me right out. What a strange thing to get fixated on, it's clearly just a way to control you and he will just keep on finding new (and weird!) ways to control you with in the future.

As has just been said, this really is NOT JUST ONE POXY ISSUE. You have described several very disturbing ways in which he treats you.

You're in complete denial about how abusive this man is and you're being utterly irresponsible continuing this abusive relationship with him when you children who will live with this as their "normal". As for trying for a baby with him, that's ridiculous. What on earth are you thinking? Use your head and get rid of him for good. The issue is not your boobs, the issue is him controlling and criticising you to the point of being abusive, and doing so in full view of the children you have a responsibility to protect.

Oh my god.
No.

Ltb

I can't believe what I've just read. Not only do you need to see him as the controlling prick he is, but you absolutely shouldn't be ttc with him. He has no right to do any of what you've told us, OP, and you need to see that he's the one who's very wrong, not you.

Do you genuinely want to have a baby with this man?! Please please think of the 3 children you already have, and of yourself.

You do realise it's not about your boobs? Once you start covering up or - God forbid - have a breast reduction it will be something else. Too tight jeans, too much make up, looking at other blokes too much. Before you know it you will be a shadow of the person you were.
You will never win this game as he can change the rules whenever it suits him and you will be scrabbling around for the magic behaviour that will eventually please him. Well it doesn't exist as you have found out.
You thought taking him bra shopping would work - I bet he even agreed it would, didn't he? Now here is is rummaging through your clothes for what he deems acceptable. How long will it be before the next thing after he has binned the 'bad' clothes? Answer - not that long.
Get out now while you still are angry, before you get to the point where you think you just need to try harder to help the poor little lost boy and his insecurity. You can't, it's a piss poor power game that you will always lose.

Tell us his good points OP. Not that he vacuums or takes the bins out, cos he lives in the house too so should do that.

Tell us the times he has built you up, had your back, made you laugh til you cry, supported you and empowered you to achieve your dreams or work towards them at least.

You say it's just this one thing and seem determined to insist upon that (and I don't mean that hastily but you keep coming back to it and not really expanding) so give us some context.

Nastily not hastily!!

'just this one issue'

It's not about the bras/your boobs. It's about how he sees you i.e. HIS PROPERTY

This will only get worse and seep into every corner of your life.

LTB

You've been with him for a year, have 3 other kids and are trying for a baby with this guy is that correct?

Come on, everyone here is telling you that this is abusive. It's controlling and possessive. It's not just one issue. Maybe the boobs are what he has an issue with now...but the issue is the controlling and possessive abusive behaviour, if the boobs were covered he'd find something else to complain about, he wouldn't like you talking to certain people or losing weight or taking up a hobby, or wearing make up. Men like this don't suddenly start become secure in their relationship if their request is met. The underlying issue is still there for him, and that's his controlling and possessive nature, not the size of your boobs.

You owe it to your children to see this for what it is and end an unhealthy relationship.

Being controlling or possessive isn't romantic and it's not love, it's not a tiny little issue in an otherwise perfect relationship!

One issue?? Are you brainwashed? Every single person has told you this is wrong!!

it's just this one thing
There will ALWAYS be something that he latches onto - and it will always be something that gives him more control over your mind and actions.

His game is to wear you down until you give in for the sake of a peaceful life....he almost has you there.

Abusers can play the 'good guy' act perfectly in front of others.....keep up the pretence of a good partner, until he's got control over you.
THEN they show their full colours......so no, the 'good' part of your relationship isn't real the way you think it is.

OP you've not acknowledged any of the posters who are saying you are being abused. Do you disagree? If so crack on but be prepared for any current DC to hate your guts for staying with a fuckwit and any future DC to have serious issues.

Get rid. You’re worth so much more

What have I just read?? His behaviour isn't APPALLING OP. What right does he have to tell you what underwear you can wear? And you can't go underwear shopping without him??

Actually, my ex was similar in some ways. Tried to dictate what I could wear and would be angry if he found out I'd worn skirts when I was around other males. Didn't realise he was abusive until a few years after we'd broken up and there was an ad campaign about domestic abuse.

Leave op. Nobody should decide what you wear but you. Nobody should decide if you should leave the house alone but you. Nobody should cause someone to feel this insecure.

OP, the boobs issue is not the issue/the only issue, it's a wider and more inclusive issue of him being controlling.

He controls what you wear, what you buy, where you can go alone, when you can go on your phone etc etc etc. This is major.

And for some reason you also have no financial freedom. Bras can be bought for about a fiver or summat, if you can't spend that much then something's wrong, and I suspect it's that he's somehow controlling your money, at least in as much as it's going on something for the household in an amount that's greater than your share based on your earnings, so you have no spare cash.

It's not one poxy issue. It's a massive, massive issue. Open your eyes and wake up!

@AnnaNimmity yes, she's being abused and been groomed. But that doesn't divest her of any free will and agency. She still makes choices every single day. It's harmful and wrong to say that women living with abusers don't make any decisions of their own.

Get rid of him.

He sounds like a VERY insecure controlling twat of a partner.

Jesus Christ OP you're living in cloud cuckoo land with an abuser. Please see him for what he is.