Dp constantly moans about my boobs

[Mumofthree1984]

Sorry for the rant but I'm so so so pissed off. Dp constantly moans about my boobs, yes they are quite big a 38 DD/E he hated me wearing balcony bras so I took him with me to get fitted in M&S into full cup bras (his choice) a pack of two padded and 2 lacey, he was ok with these at the time. My black padded one has somehow gone missing, I'm. Sure it's in the house somewhere but with 5 of us living here probably got mixed up somewhere. Any way he hates me wearing low cut tops, when I say low cut they aren't the type that my tits are literally hanging out, in fact u can't even see my cleavage just my chest. He says it's if I. Lean forward u can see done some of them. This is becoming very very very draining. I even ripped a bra off in an argument well actually 2 now, we were going up to the cemetary to visit my dads grave, all ready to leave and he starts, we'll that tops a bit revealing, i was so angry, it's not even showing anything! I ripped the top. Off anf the bra, so. Now I'm. Down to 1 bra yes 1, i refuse to buy anymore, I can't afford it, i said why don't we just cut my boobs off, that's the last option we have. I'm not wearing turtle necks all year, so. Now I'm sat in my pyjamas really annoyed whilst he is in my room. Going through all my tops! I've had enough seriously enough

This is such bullshit. What a complete wander. Get rid.

If you're adamant you won't leave him over this, then at the very least you need to say to him:

"You do not get to tell me what to wear. You do not get to make rude comments about the way I look. You do not get to come clothes shopping with me or have any input into my choice of clothes. You do not get to control where I go or insist on coming with me. Ever. End of fucking story."

NO BABY! ! !

Do not have a baby with this 'man'. He has enormous problems which will not get better.

He has no respect for you.
He does not consider you a person in your own right.
To him, you are a piece of property.
He thinks he owns you and your role is to reflect back to him some image of himself.

Make plans to leave him or kick him out.

Dump. Him. Now.

I despair of the lack of parental responsibility on threads like this.

How is this man worth more than the security, happiness and future relationship modelling of OP's own children?

How can OP as a mother even be considering bringing another child into this dynamic?

Bloody hell.

You are in an abusive relationship. End of.
Please think about what you are teaching your children about what is acceptable in a relationship.

This is like saying my BF is great, except when he gets drunk and abuses me.

He's lovely all the other times.

Listen...you say this. "I don't want to hear another word from you about my boobs ever again. If you can't do that, then get out now and thus relationship is done.

"I refuse to have your insecurities foisted onto me with your ridiculous behaviour."

"So make your mind up."

Tbh... even if he agreed I wouldn't believe him. You need to be smart and don't have a baby with this idiot.

Its just this one poxy issue, just this one, everything else is fine, it's so. Frustrating

Unfortunately, your "only issue" is a massive one. He's a controlling prick.

And believe me, you could live in turtlenecks but it won't be enough. Then he'll have a problem with your legs being on show, then with you wearing makeup, then something else.

He thinks you're his property, not an equal partner, which is why no other man is 'allowed' to look at 'his' boobs, and why he doesn't want you going out alone.

I hope you listen to all these posters. Many of us have been there and know how it ends. You need to get out before he wears you completely down.

Its a big one though eh @Mumofthree1984

Get rid wtf!! What an absolute twat

Do you ahve sons or daughters @Mumofthree1984

He is not fine and he will get worse.
Anyone who dictates what their partner can wear and won't let them out alone is not a nice person......and I say that as someone who married someone like this.

Sweetheart - I know you're reading everyone's comments and ignoring them because you don't want it to be true. A long time ago I was dating a guy who I thought was handsome, fun, good in bed, interesting etc. Then he started saying all my clothes were shit and he should take me shopping and pick out better things etc - all in the guise of being nice. I'll forever be grateful that the same week he started trying that, I happened to read this article online: counsellingresource.com/therapy/self-help/loser/

Swear to god, there he was in there:
"Killing Your Self-Confidence: “The Loser” repeatedly puts you down. They constantly correct your slight mistakes, making you feel “on guard”, unintelligent, and leaving you with the feeling that you are always doing something wrong. They tell you that you’re too fat, too unattractive, or don’t talk correctly or look good. This gradual chipping away at your confidence and self-esteem allows them to treat you badly later — as though you deserved it. In public, you will be “walking on eggshells” — always fearing you are doing or saying something that will later create a temper outburst or verbal argument."

Honestly please read the whole article and I think there's a quiz now too.

You are making an unforgivably bad parenting decision by keeping this man in your children's lives, let alone trying to have a new one with him.

You say he's lovely except this one issue. The issue isn't your tits, it's him seeing them as something he owns, being terrifyingly jealous (so what if someone did look at your tits - does he think you'll just jump on their dick?!), refusing to listen to and respect your boundaries and wishes.

You said "he'd never let me go alone" to your DAD'S grave.

I have two questions:

1. Would a lovely man ever ever ever not let you do that? Not let you visit your own fathers grave alone?

1. What would your dad think of him treating you this way?

Genuinely I'm interested because I cannot fathom your position on this.

OP, the issue isn't your breasts. It's that he is controlling and abusive. It isn't normal for a man to specify what you can wear.

I haven't read your other posts, but you are being abused. Your children will be suffering from this - even if you think he is a lovely guy. Controlling and jealous is just abusive - it's because he thinks you belong to him, he wants to control you and he doesn't trust you (or other men ). read How he gets into her Head by Don Hennessey. or Lundy Bancroft - you will be shocked. And if you are in any doubt, read the chapter of the Don Hennessey book on the effect on children on being part of these kind of relationships.

Open your eyes, this is not in any way a poxy issue.

it just goes all smooth for a few weeks then he starts again. That’s called The Cycle of Abuse. I know you don’t want to think of him that way, but that’s exactly what this is. You will stay with him until you’re ready to accept that, and nothing any of us say at this point will push you to leave him if you’re not ready. But when you are, MN will be here to hold your hand every step of the way.

to the previous posters, she isn't making a decision. She's being abused. I don't know how long she's been with him, but she isn't making a decision to put him before her children. She has been groomed into accepting this behaviour as normal. Stop blaming her- he's the abusive arse.

This is not 'the only thing that causes issues'

This is him and exactly what he is like. He's utterly weird, and abusive, and controlling. And nastily fixated on parts of your body as if you quite literally are his piece of meat.

HOW can you say that apart from being a complete controlling weirdo who won't 'let' you visit your own father's grave alone he is FINE?

He is the definition of not fine.

You have children who are watching this disturbing shit happen to their mum, in their home.

I'm going to be as harsh as possible in the hope this hits home - if you stay with this bloody creep, you are not being a good or even an adequate mother. You need to get rid of him. He's making you ill, he will fuck up your ability to be your own person and to parent your children.

Once you have kids you CHOOSE who you let move in.

We are not powerless idiots.

I wonder when your children are grown up how they will view their childhood years ..
Do you care?

Its just this one poxy issue, just this one, everything else is fine, it's so. Frustrating

IT'S NOT.

IT'S NOT 'ONE POXY ISSUE'

It's him being UTTERLY DISTURBINGLY WEIRD AND PREDATORY AND AWFUL.

Him 'not letting you' go to the cemetery is just one poxy issue too is it?

He uses this particularly nasty sexual stick he has to beat you with, as a means of controlling you. You can't go out alone because other men will be looking at your breasts.

I can't even say how I feel about a man like this being allowed to be around your children as they go through puberty. It makes me feel quite sick.

HE SHOULD NOT BE WITHIN A COUNTRY MILE OF YOUR CHILDREN.

FGS. You said it yourself. He's making you ill. You've ripped off your own clothes, your own private underwear. Get rid of this utter wanker.