Have you had an affair and how did you get over AP

[bloomingdalelovely]

Just that really - looking for input/comments from people who have been in this position.

Also to add. If you're having an affair with someone who's marriage/in a relationship....do you really think they are going to leave them and be totally committed and loyal to you

@feelinbeachy you can do this x

💚

How is everyone feeling today?

[quote Scorpiogirl123]@annabellacomestotea know what you mean about the fluctuation, some days I’m fine and i think ‘I’ve got this’ others I want to crawl into a ball and cry and sleep.
What do you feel is lacking in your marriage?

I was thinking maybe he unblocked as a kind of invitation for me to msg ‘look I’ve unblocked you, you can message me.’ When I haven’t heard got pissed off and blocked again - I have no idea why but I just thought I’m just gunna keep you on unblock and be mature and look like I’m sailing through ‘ok’.
When I write it down it sounds ridiculous like I’m back in school - but you can’t help how you feel can you?[/quote]
My husband doesn't communicate or want to do anything, he is bad with money, we don't have sex (my choice.) We are like room mates who still care for each other but the love has shifted from romantic to something else, for me at least. It sort of feels dead. With my AP, thinks felt alive and I felt there was potential for a different kind of future (but he was a con...he was cheating on me and got someone else pregnant.)

I never told him I was married so I was lying too, but when I met my AP I completely detached emotionally and sexually from my husband.

You totally can't help how you feel...especially when lust or love are involved. They are such strong feelings, no reasoning with them!

@scorpiogirl123 thanks. For your advice that was my thoughts I have to leave to be on my own.
But then I wasn’t planning on leaving until he came along.
I have tried to leave in the past but then I just crumble and I don’t want to hurt him. I suddenly think I’m making the wrong choice and that I will regret it.
The AP says he loves me and thinks about me all the time, he said he is going to leave and if I left we would have to not see each other for a while then date each other properly. He says if I stay he totally respects my decision.
I’m inclined to stay and make it work, we have been married a long time and like I said we are good family unit and he wants to make it work and has really made some changes and i get scared that the AP and I wouldn’t work.

@Scorpiogirl123

How is everyone feeling today?

@Scorpiogirl123 yesterday was a hard day and I'm really struggling not to reach out to him. We talked daily from when we woke up until we went to bed and I'm finding it so hard to be NC with him. I confess I've written many messages out for him but so far I've been able to stop myself sending them. How are you doing today?

I just noticed how long this thread has been running.
One Factor is the danger, you know you might get found out but don't care!
If drugs and alcohol are self destructive how much of this danger is on the fringe of self destruction?
I do know about that aspect. It worries me more now many years after than it did at the time.
Seeking comments not hi-jacking thread.

@Romancer do you mean you had an affair and are worried about getting found out now?

It's been a year since I broke it off with my AP. I get waves of pain but nowhere near as raw. He's with someone else now. We haven't spoken in months.

My marriage is better than ever. I'm VERY aware of what a stupid mistake I made.

I think of it as being remarried. It's new and I make the effort with my DH (he never stopped making the effort with me).

@ginandcv any advice for staying strong during no contact? x

I keep a diary on my phone. I write lots of messages never to be sent. I focus on the cluster fuck my life would be if I'd got caught or left my DH.

I got counselling. Took medication. Read loads of books. Listened to loads of podcasts.

Confided in 2 friends of mine (who don't know DH or AP).

It was like coming off drugs. Awful. But I brought it all on myself. I am never gleeful I got away with it.

I got to the point where I thought I could either start living or throw everything away. My children's happiness came first and when I wavered I'd think of them.

I will never make this kind of mistake/awful behaviour again.

Oh and I got an Sti test. Fucking grim. I mean it was negative but honestly what a wake up call.

@ginandcv what type of things would you write in your diary?
Did you have to block each other?
I’m only on week 3, I suppose I have many more weeks to go before I feel better. Covid times don’t help as distractions, seeing friends etc can’t be done 🙄 xx

Does everyone want a new thread? We're running out of dove

*space

The diary was just like a stream of consciousness. It's on my phone so it's passcode protected.

I also copied stuff I'd read that was useful. Lots of stuff on here that I'd re read.

No we didn't block each other.

So my ap wife thinks he is having an affair so he tells me, so it’s been a bit limited contact since xmas day as she is checking his phone.
I do worry that He likes me less or that the last few months have been a lie and feel he could message more than he does and im feeling sad I really miss him. we have messaged every day and he did call on Tuesday.
I think it’s made me realise how much I like him and I’m struggling

Struggling that before I met him I knew I needed to leave my emotionally abusive relationship. But yet I thought I would be happy being independent with my kids. Now he has made me realise I actually want someone, well I want him.

@affor
Yes please

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/4121576-an-apfree-2021

Here we go everyone, thread 2

@ginandcv It has taken me a week to untangle my ideas, Little chance of discovery now, two house moves to different towns and two job changes.
I am more aware and thoughtful about the effect and consequences on people at the time. I was thoughtless and only saw what was in front of me at that moment..
No cheating since, even though I had two offers from new colleagues. One of them would have been really great fun and well financed.
More later if interested.