Have you had an affair and how did you get over AP

[bloomingdalelovely]

Just that really - looking for input/comments from people who have been in this position.

I think I need help getting over my ap too.
Or is xmas just a very emotional
Time also for people in affairs and the guilt that breeds?

Hi @Headisgone are you NC at the moment?

@Scorpiogirl123

Aw *@annabellacomestotea* really sad to hear your story. Do you still have feelings for your AP? Did you go straight NC?

@Scorpiogirl123 hi scorpio, we've been NC for a year now. He messaged me but I was so numb and shocked at what had happened that I never replied, and he never came back after that either.

I don't have feelings for him anymore. I miss the times we had...it was all very fun and passionate and loving. I love the memories and comfort myself with them sometimes. But I also know it was all an illusion - he had been cheating on me really since we began. I've made peace with the fact it was never real, but I still get pangs for it sometimes.

How are you holding up?

It sounds like you’re in a good place with it all now? Or is that more just putting on a brave face?
I’m ok. My AP was with an old bf (first everything bf) we both have young families and it would have been a total mess to take it any further.
We have been NC for 3 weeks. I suggested we block each other to cut it off for good (we had been back and forth for a while) anyway he followed through and blocked but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I’d been coping ok but I had noticed he’s been unblocking and re-blocking a few times recently - so this has brought it all to the forefront of my mind again, why is he doing that etc? Anyway trying my best to move forward. x

@Scorpiogirl123

It sounds like you’re in a good place with it all now? Or is that more just putting on a brave face? I’m ok. My AP was with an old bf (first everything bf) we both have young families and it would have been a total mess to take it any further. We have been NC for 3 weeks. I suggested we block each other to cut it off for good (we had been back and forth for a while) anyway he followed through and blocked but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I’d been coping ok but I had noticed he’s been unblocking and re-blocking a few times recently - so this has brought it all to the forefront of my mind again, why is he doing that etc? Anyway trying my best to move forward. x

@Scorpiogirl123 it sort of fluctuates, for periods of time I'm totally at peace with it now, other times I miss...not so much him, but how I felt (the passion, fun, possibility.) What I struggle with more is what's lacking in my marriage, and whether to stay and go. Now that I know I can feel those things again, it's hard to stay.

I am glad you are doing well. It's a day at a time isn't it? They block and unblock sometimes when they aren't sure...I mean it's emotionally difficult to process, even if you know it's best not to continue. There's definitely a back and forth as you try to process things.

@annabellacomestotea know what you mean about the fluctuation, some days I’m fine and i think ‘I’ve got this’ others I want to crawl into a ball and cry and sleep.
What do you feel is lacking in your marriage?

I was thinking maybe he unblocked as a kind of invitation for me to msg ‘look I’ve unblocked you, you can message me.’ When I haven’t heard got pissed off and blocked again - I have no idea why but I just thought I’m just gunna keep you on unblock and be mature and look like I’m sailing through ‘ok’.
When I write it down it sounds ridiculous like I’m back in school - but you can’t help how you feel can you?

I’ve been having an affair for nearly 2 years, initially he was going to leave wife after a matter of weeks. I told him to wait then a few months later I wanted to leave but he said no because of his kids.
I have kids too.
So I ended it but it soon started up again
Then I ended it again no contact for nearly 2 months we had a date agreed when we could get back in touch
But Then I contacted him again before this date.
In that brief 2 months I worked on my marriage and things improved. I think my husband really wants to make things work.
I just couldn’t get him out of my head.
But then I panicked as I just assumed he is going to mess me around and keep me on the side
But then he got in touch to say he is leaving his wife and loves me and can’t stop thinking about me but he was mature enough to say it’s something he has to do on his own and that we would have to date properly and see how it goes.
Now I don’t know what to do.
I’m torn
My marriage isn’t bad I’m not drastically unhappy but my marriage hasn’t been easy there have been a lot of issues, no abuse but lots of issues.
I really wish someone could tell me what to do?
Does it ever work out of you leave for someone else?

I think you have to leave because the marraige isnt right. Which is what i knew before i met the om. And now everything feels clouded.
Not really no contact but i can sense something is up with him .
We normally message a lot even if its just a x periodically throughout the day. Yesterday he didnt message all day until 10pm to say he was having a crisis and we would speak tomorrow. Perhaps he is. But i cant shake this feeling and maybe better go go nc now. Im also planning to ask my dh for a separation in the new year so almost feel im moarning bith 😬🤷🏼‍♀️

I'm in the middle of an affair right now with my first love that I hadn't been able to get over after 20 years of being apart. He instigated contact a year ago and promised me that he was in the process of leaving his wife. He's told me that he never got over me and was the first one to say that. 12 months later I'm still waiting for him to leave and his excuse is that he needs to man up. I'm devastated but I've made the decision to end it. There has been too many broken promises and I've given him too many chances. I'm so in love with him but I've realised that I need to put myself first and I deserve more than a part time love and hidden relationship.

@Headisgone I think a woman’s instinct is normally right if you feel like something is off.

@feelinbeachy aw I’m sorry, it’s such an awful position to be in. Are you single? Yes you’re right you deserve more than to be someone’s hidden secret, it does nothing for your self esteem.

@Scorpiogirl123 thank you. yes I am single. I was previously in an emotionally abusive relationship so have been single for a while. I can't believe I let myself fall for it all. Currently waiting to see him this evening and tell him it's over

@feelinbeachy good luck for tonight. You deserve better than being someone’s bit on the side

@Scorpiogirl123 thank you. I just wish I'd realised it wasn't going anywhere months ago

@feelinbeachy I know but you can’t go back in time. So start a fresh from tonight. It’ll be really hard going no contact but dig deep and know your self worth.

Thanks @Scorpiogirl123 I've actually just told him over text because I wasn't sure I would be strong enough if I saw him. I feel broken

Thanks
I just don’t know whether i am letting my my soul-mate go
But then I’m not in a bad marriage it’s a good family unit.
Is it worth the turmoil of a separation

How did it go? What did he say? @feelinbeachy

For those of you that have gone no contact, how long until you felt better? x

@DollyParton202 I think it’s a huge risk to take. I think it would be best to leave your marriage because YOU want to be on your own, not to leave and go straight to another man.

@Scorpiogirl123 he tried to talk me around. Giving me all the same excuses that Ive heard before. I've held firm so far and have told him that I deserve more than he is willing to give me. He's now said that he will give me space and when he has left his wife he will come to me. I told him I'm not waiting for him

@feelinbeachy good for you! You should be proud of yourself. Let’s see if he follows through and keeps to his word. Don’t wait around though, go be happy and live your life x

@Scorpiogirl123 thank you. I'm not holding out any hope that he will. I'm trying to be strong but I feel broken x

@feelinbeachy honestly just wallow. Don't try and be strong or let anyone tell you it was just an affair.

Grieve for it, be safe, be angry, cry. You need to properly be ok with being broken for a while so you can rebuild. If you floss over it won't fully go away.

*sad not safe. But also be safe!

Thank you @Derelictwreck I've sat and had a good cry tonight. There will probably be a lot of crying done over the next few days but I will get through it x

Wow. What are all you people doing in relationships if you're just having affairs stay single