I thought I’d posted on this thread early on but didn’t. Probably because I had been in a period of no contact and then he responded to me messaging. Wish I’d left it as no contact.
Copied this from the affairs thread which got hijacked.
Name changed because people just attack on these threads.
I’ve been having an affair for the last 18mths on and off but in reality this man has been in my life nearly 15yrs sexually on and off. We’ve done a brief didn’t get together then one of us has always been in a relationship. This time it’s me who is ( now) married and he’s become properly single in the last six months. We are now friends and my husband is aware of this.
To say we are immoral and awful people is just an easy way to condemn us. I’m still a caring, loyal person to many people and I still do work in the community and give a lot to others. Who I have been disloyal to is myself ( my moral compass) and my husband. However affairs don’t just happen unless their is an unmet need whether that is emotional or physical.
For me it was emotional. My husband just won’t connect with me about my mental health and quite literally prefers me to see my AP when I am low and down because it removes the need to support me. Unfortunately sometimes we cross the line as we kiss or have sex. In the last 4 months we have tried so hard to remove the physical element from our relationship and have failed on a couple of occasions. He’s never going to be in a relationship with me- at least not as long as our children are young. We’ve both done the blended families. It didn’t work out for him and I wouldn’t do it again consciously. At one point I would have given up everything for him. In some ways I think I still would but when thinking rationally I think I know we’ll never be together like that.
So I take what I can from it. Someone whose company I just feel comfortable in. Someone who has always accepted me for me including the bads bits- quite literally we know the best and worse of each other.
Have I seen him? Yes several times at a socially acceptable distance. We still work and need to go out shopping. It wasn’t difficult to arrange.
Have we breached lockdown. Yes. Not my proudest moments but our mental health was so low and we met. He was who I went to the moment lockdown was announced.
My marriage is shit. It’s going to end. Not because I’m leaving for my AP but because it’s made it very clear what’s missing. My husband has had so many chances to support me, go to counselling but refuses to. Yet he’s more than happy to take take take from me and see me run into the ground frequently and ignore my mental health crisis. I really ill at the moment physically and still I have to micro manage the family from my sick bed.
It’s stuff like that which makes me feel less guilty about the whole situation but guilty I do still feel.
In the last week my AP and I have had a massive row. He became really unkind and dismissive over what we had emotionally. I know part of this is a coping mechanism. Much easier to pretend it’s nothing than accept it’s something.
I’ve gone no contact with him too. ( well I’ve sent him some scathing messages and he’s not replied). I think this is where I need to leave it with him too. So here I am looking for tips. It’s gonna be so hard.