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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Have you had an affair and how did you get over AP

997 replies

bloomingdalelovely · 07/04/2020 18:41

Just that really - looking for input/comments from people who have been in this position.

OP posts:
Thewookiemustgo · 29/09/2020 22:01

@HeronLanyon thank you. We are still getting through it. Not there yet but well on our way. On Mumsnet you are usually slated as a doormat for staying with a cheat. I put my crash helmet on when I said I was still with him! 😂 Both choices after infidelity are very hard. Leaving is hard and staying is hard, too. No easy options.

I think you got through it because you clearly know yourself and took full responsibility for what happened. You learned from it and seem grateful and glad that you got a second chance. That you find it so hard to believe you did it at all, shows that who you are now is the real you. You’ve looked at your own issues and grown from it. I think that’s a remarkable and scary thing to do. I applaud you, not everyone has the maturity or courage to do it.
I stayed because it didn’t just break my heart that he cheated, I can see that it broke his too. He couldn’t stand himself. It was agony to witness him at the lowest point in his life, even as the injured party.
You made it because you love each other and when it all boiled down to it that was all that mattered. We love each other too and have for 36 years. Love isn’t all hearts, flowers and posh hotel rooms. It’s still being there and still loving when someone falls or makes a terrible mistake. It’s real life and sometimes messy as hell. So yeah, life is pretty full on sometimes. 😂 We’re still all in batting though! Sending love X

User2596 · 04/12/2020 15:15

This thread has not been active for a while but just wanted to say I am trying to go NC again! I need to make it work this time for everyone’s sake! Lots of will power and meditation to get through this! Sad

youvegottenminuteslynn · 04/12/2020 15:25

@User2596

This thread has not been active for a while but just wanted to say I am trying to go NC again! I need to make it work this time for everyone’s sake! Lots of will power and meditation to get through this! Sad
How long did you manage last time and what stopped you from sticking to it? I think it's important to look back and reflect on why you failed previously if you really do want to succeed now.
User2596 · 04/12/2020 15:30

I managed 24 very painful days! I don’t think I was mentally strong last time, I didn’t block AP and ended up falling back after he asked to be back together, we also worked together so it was very hard to try and stop the thoughts. Right now he has moved to another job and I am blocking him after I sort out giving back some stuff I have from him.

YesImACnut · 06/12/2020 10:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ginandcv · 06/12/2020 15:22

Blimey - I just want to say don't beat yourself up. Get on with the business of moving on. I spent a long time worrying about what he thought, how could he do this etc etc...

None of it helped. I made a conscious decision not to go pain shopping. I didn't want to indulge any more in this fantasy life. It's wretched. It does get better in time though. Smile

youvegottenminuteslynn · 06/12/2020 16:49

We had written each other stories about our imagined sexual encounters and the night before it all ended I had asked if he wanted the part 2 to the story. So I published it on a site we both used, and he commented that he missed me. It made me physically sick. I posted it to get it out of my system.

No you didn't, you posted it to get his attention.

If you want to move on you need to be honest about your motivations and behaviour.

I never want to hurt someone the way I hurt his wife again. Because she’s right.

Never want to? Yet you continued, after she contacted you, to offer a 'part 2', write ramblings about him online etc. You do want to, you just don't want to get caught or come out looking like the bad guy. But you and him both are.

Your overly earnest and romanticised way of describing what is essentially finding stuff in common with someone, talking about shagging each other and imagining it's something great love story is very teenage.

You'll say this is an attack, I'm sure, but it's a reality check. From the outside looking in it is very cringeworthy and you need to see it for what it was. This isn't love, it's you being infatuated with someone and him not wanting to continue it.

Really put your feelings in check - whats the best that could come of this? Would you leave your husband for him? If so (based on the fact it's been an online flirtation) you should do so anyway as the relationship should be robust enough to withstand fancying someone else and letting it get this far. If not, you need to think about how you have risked your real life for a fantasy one.

Srslydontgiveacrap · 06/12/2020 19:52

@YesImACnut

How quickly these things can progress from innocent to... not so innocent. I find your story really interesting - you got carried along a tidal wave of excitement. Find the reasons that this happened - it's nothing to do with the guy you work with, it's you.

Stop the self pity and beating yourself up - you can come back from this and make sure it doesn't happen again. Stop posting on reddit or wherever it was and focus on your marriage and your 'lovely' DH.

lazylump72 · 07/12/2020 09:46

Happened in 2000 still think about him ..it doesnt hurt so much now but I miss him.Wrong time wrong place for either of us to have made a go of it. Looking back it feels like unfinished business but I have very fond memories of our time together and although we were totally both at fault I could never regret what we had.

MrsSwears2Much · 07/12/2020 10:15

I was never attached to the two men I had an emotional affair with. I just craved the attention. My husband actually caught me both times and with lots of anger, tears and forgiveness we are rebuilding our marriage.
He makes more of an effort now with our relationship and we are finally (after 2 years) in a stronger place than before we got married.
The guilt of the situation still eats away at me, and I wonder, all the time, what is wrong with me that I constantly crave attention. Therapy would probably help, but it's an expense I really cannot afford.
I can't watch anything on the Tv about an affair without breaking a little inside, and it always makes me wonder, does he wish that he left me?

Chameleons3 · 07/12/2020 10:22

I left my AP when he went on holiday with his wife for his 50th. I thought i had to get out before it would hurt even more. I already loved him at that point. We had been 'together' for 7 months. I had left my husband 2 months previous to this holiday (I was going to leave him anyway).

AP couldn't cope without me. He left his wife 2 months later.

We are married now....7 years on and it was the best thing that happened to all of us. His ex met her now DH within 3 weeks of him leaving. She is happy and we are all on good terms.

Affor · 07/12/2020 13:08

I can't believe this thread is back. Or how long it's been since I was on it. Most alarmingly can't believe how different everything is and yet exactly the same.

For anyone new who comes here I will just say what I learned the hard way - no contact is the only way you will get over an affair. There really is no alternative.

ginandcv · 08/12/2020 14:05

@Affor how are you?

I totally agree with no contact. I have seen my AP a few times in the year since I broke it off. It always sets me back. My head is consumed with him and everything that has happened. He's moved on (well from me he moved in with someone then that crashed) and now he's with someone new.

I really want to not care but it's just so bloody painful. I ruminate way too much.

I do all the things post break up we should do. I really do. I'm fit, I have hobbies. I keep busy. I have a fulfilling job etc but I just miss him.

LookingForDeeplyDo · 09/12/2020 15:40

Hey guys 😊
I have name changed since I posted on here at the beginning of the first lockdown.
I’m still loving my chap from a distance. Still c him at work. I’m still trying to move on but I’m stuck.
The backstory is we aren’t having an affair, but the attraction is definitely mutual. I’m single and trying to meet someone else (even though I don’t actually want to). I had loads of dates when thE 1st lockdown was lifted but I just can’t find anyone that I have a connection with

EpochTime · 09/12/2020 15:47

@LookingForDeeplyDo

Hey guys 😊 I have name changed since I posted on here at the beginning of the first lockdown. I’m still loving my chap from a distance. Still c him at work. I’m still trying to move on but I’m stuck. The backstory is we aren’t having an affair, but the attraction is definitely mutual. I’m single and trying to meet someone else (even though I don’t actually want to). I had loads of dates when thE 1st lockdown was lifted but I just can’t find anyone that I have a connection with
Is he married?
LookingForDeeplyDo · 09/12/2020 16:54

No he’s not married

Itstartedwitha · 09/12/2020 20:33

Name change test!

Itstartedwitha · 09/12/2020 20:48

I have been on mn a long time and have name changed for this post as too identifying.
I have fallen in love with a married man (I'm married too)and currently after breaking it off/going NC I feel completely bereft but I know it will get easier in time. My marriage has been on the rocks for a long time before things started with AP, which I've discussed on mn at length (H has alcohol issues and to a lesser extent, drug use which has caused massive problems in our marriage). I think emotionally I detached about 2 years ago, but didn't realise quite how detached I was until what started as a friendship (same old story) developed, he pursued me and and I fell hard for him. I had no idea I could feel so attracted to someone, I have never in my life felt anything like it, particularly the mental connection. We haven't had sex, it has mainly been an emotional affair, with 'just' some kisses but I am under no illusion its just that - an affair.
Like me, AP has children and is something of a local celebrity, very involved in charity etc and says he could never leave while his children are young (I believe he cares massively how he is percieved publicly, and to leave his wife would tarnish his good guy image) without giving too much away. I wish with all my heart I had never got into this situation. I have never cheated in my life before and always was pretty judgemental (inwardly) about infidelity. After Xmas I will be leaving my husband and I'm currently trying to make plans accordingly. We haven't slept together in 10 months. I have to continue to see AP occasionally due to an activity our children are involved in so going completely NC isnt possible at the moment. I feel like I will never get over this.

Affor · 10/12/2020 12:42

@ginandcv

I'm ok. AP and I broke up in June once the pregnancy news became more real. But we didn't go no contact - though I went through phases of trying to move on. But essentially I was miserable for months missing just talking to him so we have tried to be friends.

But then I moved back to his area and we met up. And everything just fell back into place and we are now back in a relationship/affair as of a couple of weeks ago. We are going to get through Christmas and then try and figure out what the hell to do. We're miserable without one another but honestly, how can he leave? I don't want to be without him but I also don't know how I can be with him knowing it means he has to leave a baby without a full-time dad. And he doesn't want that either. So we are stuck in the same place we were in June.

Honestly as much as I love him I do wish it had never started and that I had headed warnings to go no contact. I can look back now and see a couple of times where, having managed a few days I should have carried on. Now it will be harder than ever.

User2596 · 10/12/2020 13:43

@affor I agree with that you said about wishing things had never started! I also see now and wished I had carried on the NC because every time to make the decision and start it gets harder and harder....

I am also back to the start, feel very disappointed but also don’t know how to be without him! I feel a bit pathetic Sad

Hope you manage to figure out things, it is so complicated and where to start!!

Nonamesavail · 10/12/2020 13:44

About 7yrs to recover. .

youvegottenminuteslynn · 10/12/2020 16:10

[quote Affor]@ginandcv

I'm ok. AP and I broke up in June once the pregnancy news became more real. But we didn't go no contact - though I went through phases of trying to move on. But essentially I was miserable for months missing just talking to him so we have tried to be friends.

But then I moved back to his area and we met up. And everything just fell back into place and we are now back in a relationship/affair as of a couple of weeks ago. We are going to get through Christmas and then try and figure out what the hell to do. We're miserable without one another but honestly, how can he leave? I don't want to be without him but I also don't know how I can be with him knowing it means he has to leave a baby without a full-time dad. And he doesn't want that either. So we are stuck in the same place we were in June.

Honestly as much as I love him I do wish it had never started and that I had headed warnings to go no contact. I can look back now and see a couple of times where, having managed a few days I should have carried on. Now it will be harder than ever.[/quote]
I could cry for his poor wife who presumably is either pregnant or has babies from what you say. You aren't stuck. It feels like it because the reality is either him leaving her (which he doesn't want to do) or cutting contact (which you don't want to do). No good can come of this and you're literally just wasting more and more time of your one precious life the longer you stay in touch with him.

Scorpiogirl123 · 27/12/2020 19:01

Hi all, is this thread still active? Would love to hear your encouraging thoughts going NC. I’m on week 3 and still feeling fed up...

annabellacomestotea · 27/12/2020 20:03

Yes. Had a year long affair with a man I met on holiday whilst my husband was battling a cocaine addiction which I had kept secret. I had stopped sleeping with my husband and had every intention of divorcing him for OM, but the OM ended up cheating on me (for the entirety of our relationship I later discovered, and got her pregnant) so that was the end of that.

I ended up so depressed and confused, I stayed with my husband (never confessed to it), still haven't slept with him. Just sort of...existing. I lost my mother in the midst of all this also and felt too afraid to make any more changes/moves in life.

Scorpiogirl123 · 27/12/2020 21:19

Aw @annabellacomestotea really sad to hear your story.
Do you still have feelings for your AP? Did you go straight NC?

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