New girlfriend

[browneyedgirlclj]

My ex fiancé and I split up two years ago. His decision. We have two young children we share 50/50 care of. He moved out 18 months ago and found a new girlfriend soon after. I admit I still had feelings for him when he met her and I wasn't keen on accepting her or meeting her at first. She is good to the children though. I don't have any support so still need my ex to come over and help me with jobs round the house and in the garden etc. My ex and I have a strained relationship for a few reasons but I still want us to go places together with the children, have holidays together and celebrate events as a family without his girlfriend. The first year we did all this but then she objected to us all going to an event that meant we'd all stay over together in a family room. It was separate beds in the room! We text each other most days and FaceTime the children when we aren't with them. I feel when my ex and our children and I attend stuff that she's coming to, she should travel separately as we (me, the children and ex) should all go in the same car as a family. She made a fuss about this according to whatmy ex told me. They now live together which I wasn't that happy about but he still comes and helps me out. Why can't she accept I'm always going to be in his life and he still cares about me and will always come round and help me as the mum to his children? He's already said to me about what happens if they split up so all can't be that great. Her behaviour seems petty.

He WANTS to help me! It's her that's got a problem with it

No, OP, he doesn’t want to help you, but rather he is afraid NOT to help you as you definitely sound the type that would stop him seeing his children and/or attempt to sabotage his relationship with them. The sooner he sees a lawyer to sort out contact, the better.

They won't have children of their own. I know he doesn't want any more

I can imagine you ask him this a lot (along with a thousand other intrusive questions) and he just tells you what you want to hear to shut you up.

You are delusional. Honestly, it’s quite scary. I can only imagine the conversations your ex and his partner have about you. You truly are the crazy ex wife.

He has said he wants to help so that he can see his kids

I bet he's secretly terrified that you'll stop him seeing the kids if he doesn't do what you want

You sound weird, controlling and unhinged,

Let him see the kids without you at all times, you don't need to FaceTime when they're with him

Allow him and his girlfriend the space to build a proper relationship TOGETHER with his children

And stop being so controlling and so seriously unpleasant

Comments are descending into the gutter.

This is Relationships, folks. No need to be vile.

You do sound crazy and obsessive OP. I think you need to read through these honest comments and see the theme. You seem to be taking no notice of what people are telling you

you need help op, help.
Im sorry but it’s YOU that’s controlling not the gf.
Im glad shes put her foot down, She should have done it ages ago!
None of what you’ve said is reasonable in the slightest, im sorry but you really need counselling.
You need to let him go.
You don’t get to say that you guys travel and she goes separately ( seriously in your mind does that really sound right??)
You don’t get to make family trips out, you are not a family anymore.
She is now part of his and your children’s lives and is part of any trips.
Stop asking for his help.

You are never going to move on unless you accept you guys are over.
Please get help or you are going to waste a long period of your life and potentially miss a good guy if you don’t!

I’m struggling to believe this thread is genuine!

So your telling me that if one of your dc has a sports presentation to attend, you will allow gf to come but she would need to travel on her own there and back whilst ex travels to and from with you. Would she need to sit a few rows back to respect your unreasonable wishes? Or maybe tell her to wait in the car as she shouldn’t be privy to family events.

I’m not surprised she doesn’t want anything to with you hun. You sound really nasty and vindictive. And you know it hurts her and the fact she hasn’t confronted you is probably down to her being a decent woman and letting her spineless dp deal with it.

Ever thought your ex might be saying they might split up as a hint to back off? Because it’s you who is causing the issues.

I know how I’d feel if an ex was trying to split me and my dp up.

Your relying on your ex far too much. You can’t just ring and emotionally blackmail him to come round and put some shelves up because he said he would always do it for you. Consider the fact he has a new life and you are not apart of this.

If I was her I would leave because I would not be treated like this from my dp who is allowing this to happen and continue and from you someone who doesn’t know her from Adam.

Grow up.

He's told you that it's not appropriate that you try to hug him. That's a change, isn't it? He's being respectful to his new partner.

He's respectful to you too as the mother of your children but your relationship (his and yours) is over. He sounds decent and caring but know that he's doing that for his children. If it benefits you too then he's okay with that.

You and he can co-parent amicably but, a warning, don't overstep, you don't have those rights, he is with somebody else now. If you push and he's forced to choose then it is you that will suffer - and his children will notice the change in the easygoing relationship that was with mum and dad. For their sake, just don't.

It's avoid being around when you were too, after the way you speak about his partner.

What kind of a role model are you being for your children? You're teaching then to be clingy and demanding and unreasonable. You need to show them how to do this in a healthy way so they don't suffer the way you're suffering.
I feel like you might have some attachment issues and maybe need support to work through this.
What have any of your boyfriends thought of this arrangement?
What do your friends think of it?
You owe yourself more than this and you owe it to your kids.

Sorry but I still think this is a reverse. How can OP real? It’s creepy and weird as fuck

GOT to be a reverse, surely??

No, OP. Please stop what you're doing.

It's creepy, it's cringy, it's wrong.

You're not his family anymore. You share a child, you co-parent; but you and him are not family. You're co-parents at most.

You say that this is all the girlfriends fault but to me it sounds as though he's desperately trying to pull away and is blaming it on the new girlfriend for fear that you'll go full on bunny boiler if you find out that he doesn't want to do that stuff anymore.

He and his girlfriend should be travelling together and doing things together without you. You're separate entities.

Please, please stop it now. You're only prolonging the hurt for yourself and the creepier you get, the more he's going to distance himself.

Learn to stand on your own two feet like other single parents do. It will stand you in good stead.

If the OP is for real, I really the father should go for full sole custody, for their sake. The OP does not sound mentally stable enough to be raising children.

His new girlfriend is his family now. Don't you get it? He doesn't want to be with you! He and her should be riding with the kids, without you. Because you are not his partner anymore. Gees I've never thought I'd suggest a stepmum take a more major role, but I think his girlfriend doesn't sound unhinged, controlling or as petty as you. He and his girlfriend should parent those kids, not you. Give him and her temporary custody, get yourself some therapy and help, then you can be a healthy parent.

To all those suggesting a reverse, I think the OP is real

I think she genuinely believes that she is being strong, assertive and is setting boundaries.

I don't think she can see it for what it is at all.

You sound very controlling OP your understanding of how families work after a split is completely skewed and wrong it’s not good for any of you

He is not your family, he is not your boyfriend, he is not longer interested in you in that way. He has a new partner now. She comes before you. Your demands and behaviour are completely inappropriate and the girlfriend must have the patience of a saint to put up with the situation.

Well this ain’t right.

If this is real you’re being possessive of him, it’s like you want to show you’re number one, and he has to put you first, and you are using the fact you have kids together to lever you up.

Stop competing with her op.

Time to get a life and leave them alone!
Your response is get some Therapy!
I would love a therapists response any in the house?
Controlling... maybe she knows Boundries.
Your poor children

You are trying to cause a problem with your exs new relationship, so that she leaves him and then you hope he comes back to you. That's what this is isn't it OP?

It sounds like he is just trying to keep the peace here.

So if they break up as that is what you want ultimately, then what?

You can do odd jobs around the house, honestly you can. You don't NEED him to do it. You need to get some independence and then maybe things will look clearer.

Well I suspect this is a wind up...but hey, I’ll go with it, it takes all sorts after all.

OP if you are for real, I don’t think there’s any amount of advice, incredulity, opposition or insults that are going to change your mindset. You need to relinquish your grip on him, but you won’t. It will have to be him that extricates himself from you.

He would be a fool to allow this to ruin his new relationship.

You are wrong, actually its you who should travel separately, either with or without the DC.
ie He takes the children & his partner, or, you take the children. & XH & partner travel alone.
There are no family holidays, you go with DC alone, & he goes with his partner with DC without you. its called Divorce.
The fact that you still have a decent relationship with him & he can come round & fix a tap is good, but it ends there.

infact you were never married, so even more so

Not convinced this is real tbh🤔