New girlfriend

[browneyedgirlclj]

My ex fiancé and I split up two years ago. His decision. We have two young children we share 50/50 care of. He moved out 18 months ago and found a new girlfriend soon after. I admit I still had feelings for him when he met her and I wasn't keen on accepting her or meeting her at first. She is good to the children though. I don't have any support so still need my ex to come over and help me with jobs round the house and in the garden etc. My ex and I have a strained relationship for a few reasons but I still want us to go places together with the children, have holidays together and celebrate events as a family without his girlfriend. The first year we did all this but then she objected to us all going to an event that meant we'd all stay over together in a family room. It was separate beds in the room! We text each other most days and FaceTime the children when we aren't with them. I feel when my ex and our children and I attend stuff that she's coming to, she should travel separately as we (me, the children and ex) should all go in the same car as a family. She made a fuss about this according to whatmy ex told me. They now live together which I wasn't that happy about but he still comes and helps me out. Why can't she accept I'm always going to be in his life and he still cares about me and will always come round and help me as the mum to his children? He's already said to me about what happens if they split up so all can't be that great. Her behaviour seems petty.

You are the ex from hell. His poor girlfriend.

Things change. Apparently you don't want to though.

He's an ex and you need clear boundaries. You can hire people for odd jobs. It's completely inappropriate to share a bedroom. He's the father of your children and can be a father without pandering to you. You need to move on and accept the relationship has changed.

Errrr just no, you need to accept the fact hes moved on. You should try to do the same as hard as it will be

You're being a big hypocrite. You want all this because deep inside, you still want him to come back to you and forget he left you.

It's time he tells you you need to move on. You are totally unreasonable. He is not yours any longer.

Jesus learn to do your gardening and jobs round the house yourself. What age are you??? You want to rely on your ex for the rest of your life??? Wise up.

You are being ridiculous. His current partner must think you’re an absolute desparado

All I can say here really is the poor kids. They must be so confused.

Yeah you're not in the right here op

You are the problem not the new gf.

Your kids have 2 families now (you + kids and Dad+kids+gf) You are doing everyone a disservice by acting like the 2 families are (you+ex+kids and gf)

Your ex is doing you a massive disservice by not laying down boundaries with you. You both need to act like divorced parents and have 2 holidays, 2 parties etc

If I knew the new gf I would be telling her to run and you and your ex aren't properly split yet. He should help you in emergencies eg if you're ill but you and him are acting like a couple rather than co-parents. I feel very sorry for the new gf- you're being a nightmare ex.

I very much doubt OP will return,

You are batshit crazy. Surely you can do your own gardening and other things around the house. How do you think that single people manage? They don't all have their ex coming round to help out.

You're living in cloud cuckoo land and really need to have a word with yourself. I'm surprised his new girlfriend had stayed around this long tbh as you're clearly trying to force your ex into this weird 'we're still a family' situation, which is not at all normal.

Op if you started a relationship with a man and he went out with his ex and their kids you wouldn't like it.

Your agreement with your ex is unrealistic and you need to let him go. When he has your children they, along with the new girlfriend are a family unit and you should respect that. If you don't, your children never will and that will cause problems for them with their father as they get older.

You are absolutely right to get along for the sake of the children, but this takes it too far. Myself and my ex can have a very strained relationship with each other at times, though our son doesn't realise this (I hope) as we put on a front. We attend his birthday parties, swimming lessons and parents evening together, make polite chit chat at change overs and that is all. He has his own family with the new partner, our DC and their child. They holiday and do days out together, and rightly so. He's my ex because he treated me like shit, why would I want to hang out with him any more than I have to? Keep it civil for the kids sake, but your behaviour is out of order and I don't blame his girlfriend for being annoyed!

I feel when my ex and our children and I attend stuff that she's coming to, she should travel separately as we (me, the children and ex) should all go in the same car as a family. She made a fuss about this according to whatmy ex told me.

Do you honestly, genuinely believe that your request for her to travel alone separately to the same event is reasonable?

All you're doing is making yourself look absolutely foolish and setting a bad example to your poor kids, who will cringe at being stuck in the middle because you don't strike me as someone who would be able to keep a lid on tensions for the sake of them if they're around.

Grow up!

OP none of us have any idea what you and he agreed when you split up. We probably all say things that are very well meant at the time but not sustainable in the long term. To be honest some of how you’ve come across makes me think he might have agreed to frankly anything to make sure he can still see his kids. I’m very sorry if that’s way off the mark but that is how possessive and crazy you sound.
He’s not coming back. You’re not together any more. You are a separated family who are bringing up children. Your ex husband has a new partner. She is part of the lives of him and your children. If there is an event they will go together because they are TOGETHER!! You and him are not together any more. It’s over, it is your reality now.
Your posts have made me extremely angry as I have dated a separated father and I work in the family courts. You are absolutely 100% totally and completely wrong! You are making a right embarrassment of yourself. This is not how to successfully parent separately. This is how to keep your ex under your complete control which is actually abusive!!!! Think about it!!!

YABU and I cannot stress that enough. It's confusing for the children, are you together or not in their eyes, there are zero boundaries. You need to let go... you'll never get a DH who agrees to you holidaying with the ex alone, asking her to travel separate is awful... and you don't know he won't want more children, things change! There's 16 years between me and my brother (following a divorce)

If this is real, it’s incredibly sad. I’m sorry you’re hurting so much op. It must be really hard. But you’re not helping your children here, one bit.

Wow!!! You are bang out of order! YOU will confuse your children if you insist on doing things as a family still. That is on you! I think you need a serious word with yourself - she is his girlfriend THEY ARE A COUPLE.

Invite him over and cook rabbit for dinner.

You're the reason I would never get with a guy that already has kids!

Her behaviour seems petty.

Blimey, pots and kettles.

Actually, op, I think this batshit situation is, as you say, because he feels guilty for leaving you. I wouldn't be surprised if he's set up this situation, assuring you you are the princess mother and he will never leave you.... but wait, he has. So he makes sure he doesn't leave you. Even though he has. I do think he is driving this.

But you've swallowed it whole. It's batshit, op. Every single person on your thread has said as much. You are not the special family, really you aren't. He has to let you go and deal with his guilt, you have to let him go. You are over as a family. What's happening is painful for your kids - every time you have time together, the kids are delirious because they think you're getting back together. So painful for them.

The girlfriend is a saint to put up with this, op. I don't think I would. She isn't being remotely controlling, in fact she's been very patient.

You sound mental and desperate. She is definitely not the problem here.

You are being ridiculous and a bit of a twat to the new girlfriend. You need to stand on your own two feet. You will feel stronger and better for it.

Wow! I really don't understand why you have posted here OP because you are clearly not going to take any of the advice given.

I personally think you sound unhinged unreasonable and quite honestly bat shit crazy! I think the girlfriend needs to run for the hills. I would not be as tolerant as she is being. To expect her to travel separately so you can travel "as a family" what you're doing is unfair on your children. Will you still think she should travel separately if he marries her?

I hate to say it but he left you, NOT his children and they along with his new partner are his priority now. You need to back off and stop with these ridiculous demands. You are the problem here NOT her.