New girlfriend

[browneyedgirlclj]

My ex fiancé and I split up two years ago. His decision. We have two young children we share 50/50 care of. He moved out 18 months ago and found a new girlfriend soon after. I admit I still had feelings for him when he met her and I wasn't keen on accepting her or meeting her at first. She is good to the children though. I don't have any support so still need my ex to come over and help me with jobs round the house and in the garden etc. My ex and I have a strained relationship for a few reasons but I still want us to go places together with the children, have holidays together and celebrate events as a family without his girlfriend. The first year we did all this but then she objected to us all going to an event that meant we'd all stay over together in a family room. It was separate beds in the room! We text each other most days and FaceTime the children when we aren't with them. I feel when my ex and our children and I attend stuff that she's coming to, she should travel separately as we (me, the children and ex) should all go in the same car as a family. She made a fuss about this according to whatmy ex told me. They now live together which I wasn't that happy about but he still comes and helps me out. Why can't she accept I'm always going to be in his life and he still cares about me and will always come round and help me as the mum to his children? He's already said to me about what happens if they split up so all can't be that great. Her behaviour seems petty.

IF the new dp is controlling then he clearly has a type. You say it wasn't a healthy relationship and it clearly still isn't. Please reevaluate, perhaps she has pointed out things which weren't healthy about your current set up and he has seen it once pointed out and decided to take a step back. All the previous comments are urging you to do the same. Whatever your current agreement is clearly isn't working for him now so think about ways to adapt now. You say the kids like it but as a pp shared from the perspective of the child that could be giving them false hope and really could cause problems for new dp in future if they see her as only barrier to mummy and daddy being together. This isn't healthy for your children. I'm sure they would enjoy junk food for every meal but that too would be irresponsible.

Jesus get your own life and learn to do things yourself he only has to be a dad not your free slave or holiday companion. He don’t have to do days out lol are you for real

If this is real, it's definitely more than wanting promises kept and doing things as a family. When he takes the kids to his why do you need to facetime? Why aren't you using his time with them as down time for yourself?
I think everything you do is about control and you need to get some counselling before you screw up your children.

His children will always be part of his life, you don’t have to be.

@Chesntoots

I think you need to accept this is over. He's moved on. He's not coming back.
There need to be some grieving over this as this hasn't sunk in yet by what you are saying OP.
Where is your self respect?

Are you still shagging him?

Wow. You're being completely unreasonable. The only reason he's still in your life at all is because of the children he shares with you. He's moved on and he's with someone else.
You need to learn some boundaries, you're being utterly ridiculous.
Learn to manage on your own, fix your own stuff instead of relying on a man.
What on earth do you need him to come round and do that you can't do by yourself?
As for all of you travelling in the car together and her travelling separately? Batshit.

People are being harsh OP, but you are in the wrong here, and so is your ex. The promises you made when you split up two years ago we're completely unsustainable - incredibly unusual and no new partner would think they were reasonable. You are dooming yourself and your ex to singledom forever if you stick to them.

He might want to help you, but he shouldn't. You both need to cut the relationship ties and have a clean break, and only focus on co-parenting. He doesn't need to come to cinema trips and day trips - my brother and I always went places with just one of my parents, and they were together! Birthdays, Christmas, sure your ex should be there (although that will also change over time), but not the casual stuff. You both need to let the family unit change, and not stick to it being just the parents and kids - your reality is different now, and you're trying to force a square peg into a round hole. Your family unit includes new (established) partners now, and may include half or step siblings in the future.

Accept that life needs to change. You're setting yourself up for battles and misery otherwise.

And if he decides not to do you all these favours anymore and wants the DC on his own and separate Christmas’s, separate birthday celebrations etc. Then what?

You are dooming yourself and your ex to singledom forever if you stick to them

I wonder whether this is actually what OP wants anyway (for her ex).

I think your feelings for your ex are the reason why you don't want his girlfriend

Just when I thought real life was weird enough along comes this post...

OP you need to get some help. You clearly are deluded about how life works and how things move on when relationships break down. I pity your ex and his girlfriend.

Just when I thought real life was weird enough along comes this post...

It’s thoroughly entertaining, makes a change from the endless covid threads.

Would be interesting to hear the thoughts of the OP now ??? Have to admit that I too am now wondering if this is all made up.

You need to move on OP. This is a strange dynamic and you should be encouraging exp and new girlfriend to model a normal relationship- not one where they travel separately as mum can't move on.

Made the age old mistake of commenting prior to actually RTFT. Wow!!!

You’re not listening to the replies OP. Listen! YABU

Softzilla? Is that you??

I'm going to chip in with the others.

You are 2 separate families now. Your children like the joint outings because they hope you will get back together. You aren't doing the right thing by them.

My parents separated when I was young and my children's father left me a few years ago.

In both situations we do completely separate celebrating. The only time we come together is parents evening.

You do not need a relationship with the new girlfriend. Is she kind to the children? Polite to you? Job done.

My ex moved In With ow/gf on leaving. I have never laid eyes on her. And I have no wish to. He parents when he has the children and I have no intention of getting involved.

He like many other made me plenty of promises. Which never happens like supporting me and the children blah blah blah. It never happened. And I like you am not good at the DIY stuff. I pay people. I don't like it but it is my responsibility not my ex's.

You need to untangle yourself from this relationship for your own mental well being.