New girlfriend

[browneyedgirlclj]

My ex fiancé and I split up two years ago. His decision. We have two young children we share 50/50 care of. He moved out 18 months ago and found a new girlfriend soon after. I admit I still had feelings for him when he met her and I wasn't keen on accepting her or meeting her at first. She is good to the children though. I don't have any support so still need my ex to come over and help me with jobs round the house and in the garden etc. My ex and I have a strained relationship for a few reasons but I still want us to go places together with the children, have holidays together and celebrate events as a family without his girlfriend. The first year we did all this but then she objected to us all going to an event that meant we'd all stay over together in a family room. It was separate beds in the room! We text each other most days and FaceTime the children when we aren't with them. I feel when my ex and our children and I attend stuff that she's coming to, she should travel separately as we (me, the children and ex) should all go in the same car as a family. She made a fuss about this according to whatmy ex told me. They now live together which I wasn't that happy about but he still comes and helps me out. Why can't she accept I'm always going to be in his life and he still cares about me and will always come round and help me as the mum to his children? He's already said to me about what happens if they split up so all can't be that great. Her behaviour seems petty.

You are massively unreasonable. Is this a reverse?

She is apart of your ex and by extension your kids life now. You cannot be dictating things like this. You need to move on!

You are going to have to let go here. Family holidays all together are not a reasonable expectation when you have separate households. Expecting her to travel alone while you play happy families is weird, controlling and clearly deliberately design to exert control and exclude her. Calling on ex to be your handyman is also more of the same, there is no reason you can't do any of the jobs around the house.

The long and short of it is, although he is the father of your children he is no longer in a relationship with you and does not live with you. He has his own house and relationship. Tbh he should grow a pair and start setting some boundaries with you. His kids will always be in his life and so you will be as their mother but that is as far as it goes.

You're being ridiculous. You can't have family holidays and days out any more. You aren't a family.

So I’m guessing new gf has been with ex for about a year, so quite an important part of his relationship.

I think you need to realise that the situation has changed, and now gf Is part of the picture. Why should she travel in a separate car when you play happy families? When she can’t go out on days out with the family.

I think you are unreasonable expecting a long term gf to not be part of the picture.

You need to separate properly and find someone else to do these jobs in the house which just sound like an excuse for you to get him to come round whenever you feel like it. Or learn how to do them yourself.

She must travel separately as you and he travel as a family????
I don’t think she’s the one being petty. He’s not part of your Life anymore, he’s part of your children’s lives. Why are you still getting him round to help you with stuff?

We have family days out. Which involve my ex’s wife as she’s part of the family.

We do this because we like each other’s company, there are categorically no feelings between ex-H and me.

You’ve said yourself you still had feelings; you need to examine your motives - are you thinking you’ll get back together?

If not back off, she is perfectly reasonable to object if she isn’t happy.

he is called an ex for a reason- let go

Having holidays and sleeping in the same room? Of course YABU. You're not a family any more sorry. He'll soon realise that no woman will accept this situation and it will all soon stop. He can still be a father without going on holiday and spending time with you. You sound like you still want him. So you either need to decide to rekindle or get over the fact your no longer the main women on his life. Harsh but I can't believe you think this is a normal situation and for his new girlfriend to just accept it

Sorry OP, but you are being unreasonable to think that your ex should travel to an event with you rather than her, or have holidays together. It sounds like you haven't really accepted the split.

Good grief!!! This can’t be real

His kids and his partner are the most important thing in his life now. You are merely the gatekeeper to his kids.

You need to move on. You are being totally unrealistic. Seriously, who behaves like this? It is weird and embarrassing. She is not a second class citizen in his life, you are. He is probably worried you are going to prevent him seeing his kids, but he needs to start putting his foot down.

If this is not a reverse, and you actually believe this, you are not doing yourself any favours. You are clinging onto something that has long gone and will be to your detriment if you continue.

Im sorry but you are being unreasonable. You are no longer together and should be having separate holidays and life events. You need to accept his new relationship and move on and find your own independence. What if you met someone else and told him you’d be sleeping in a family room with your ex? He is with her now you must let him go. This must be very confusing for DCs.

You are completely unreasonable. I'm actually amazed at what you are demanding of him. You need to stop it, and he needs to man up and get some decent boundaries in place between you and him.
I feel very sorry for his girlfriend.

Im sorry OP but i think you are being unreasonable.
I know that you still want to feel the family unit for your kids but you need to realise it's a lie. You are not a family unit anymore. This woman is his family now and honestly the more you try and push her out the more you will push your ex away.
He's good enough to keep doing household jobs for you (which he has no obligation to do) so I think you should respect his new life and forge a new normal for yourself. You won't be able to get back the past no natter how hard you try.

This HAS to be a reverse

You are being VV unreasonable. She has to travel separately!!! You think that's acceptable right to make her travel apart from her partner.
Are you deliberately trying to split them up?

There's no way this is real this must be a reverse.

Not a reverse. I just think new partners need to accept ex partners, especially parents, need to accept will always be part of their lives. I think SHE'S controlling by not wanting him to do stuff for the mother of his children!

This is horrendous OP. You are going to destroy your mental health and any possibility of moving on with your life.

You have to let him go.

But your NOT a family unit anymore.

And unless you're talking about major renovations you don't need him to come and do jobs either. Trust me. You can learn to do almost anything, and the sense of satisfaction from doing it yourself is a bonus.

My ex has been in my house once in the last 8ish years.

HE doesn't have to do stuff for the mother of his children!

I've had boyfriends but my ex always promised he'd look after things for me as I am the mother of his children. I don't like having to ask him to do jobs for me but he does because he cares about his children.

Apart from care for and provide for his kids that is

Forgot to say...

My parents often did things together after they separated. I think they thought it was nice for us to do things "as a family" which it was in some ways. But my brothers and I have all admitted since reaching adulthood that we thought those day trips were a sure sign that Mum and Dad would get back together. And it hurt everytime we realised they weren't going to.