Boyfriend told me he paid for prostitute overseas when he was young

[Autumntimes]

Been with him for almost 6 months now. Randomly asked him the question if he has hired a prostitute before and he said yes, overseas when he was much younger. I didn’t ask too much details. I just felt disgusted and upset. He said he did it once and he was ashamed to tell people but he wanted to be honest with me.

I don’t know what to do. I got told this about 3 weeks ago. Some days we were ok. Other days I could not stop imagining him being this sleazy loser who went up to a hooker and negotiated price. It changed my perception of him completely. So much so that I felt a bit disgusted just talking to him. We haven’t talked about this in great detail. Maybe I should but I don’t wanna make myself feel sick all over again.

I understand that people do make mistakes in the past and people do change. I am very against judging people for what they have done in the past without giving them a fair chance but it’s just been so hard. I kinda wish he lied to me when I asked him. It did absolutely nothing to our relationship but to make me feel disgusted and hurt. I just don’t know how I can get over it.

Here we go again - they were picking up taxi drivers No @Nat6999 - the taxi drivers were picking up them.

that is where the answer to stopping prostitution lies in this country - A couple of posts back you were trotting out the old trope that prostitution was “the oldest profession in the world” and could never be stopped. Which is it? You can’t have it both ways.

My email messages indicate that this thread is still going. I'd take issue with the bleating that many overseas women engage in prostitution to survive. The typical peasant lifestyle in SE Asia is unpleasant and gruelling, but it has existed for generations. People do actually survive it. It doesn't pay for shoes or pretty clothes or a motorbike for your brother, though. It's not a case of survival, it's more a hankering for material trappings, an escape from the cradle-to-grave existence of the paddy fields, and girls often go into prostitution with the blessing of their families. Nor is it always about quickies. The am is often to hook a western BF (doesn't matter how old he is) for the duration he's over there---which could be a month, 3 months, or whatever. The besotted westerner often believes his sweetie is ''in love'' with him and continues to send her remittances once he has gone home. The clever ones may have a string of elderly BFs on the go.
On the other side of the world, it's the same in Panama and places like Fortaleza in Brazil. The target market in those places is Americans. Panama is arguably the wealthiest country in Central America, but you'll 'still find yourself knee-deep in local hookers. Luxury hotels such as the Sheraton in Panama City are a particular magnet. I very much doubt they're all doing it to ''survive''.

For anyone who'd like to take the class Sociopath (or is that psychopath?) 101, I have summarised some of grindergirl's (who says she's a 64 year old woman) "best" soundbites below;

*My grandson and his friend (both mid-twenties and with GFs) visited a prostitute apiece when they were in Amsterdam…. No condemnation on my part …
I only jokingly berated him for wasting his money.

Some people earn with their hands, some with their heads, some with their vaginas.

Part of the problem when we are younger (at least as I see it) is that we are often too curious about the Bf or Gf's sexual past and make comparisons about the ex in our heads. The op is not likely to run into the foreign prostitute whereas she might if an ex-gf was in her own town.

The moral compass isn't fixed. Nor should it be. Men have fallen for the charms of fallen women since time immemorial. What would stop you feeling disgusted, op? Maybe going together to see a performance of Verdi's La Traviata. It might help you feel more sympathetic towards prostitutes and the men who visit them.

Nobody here seems to consider that some women stumble into prostitution through a lack of self-esteem. The desire to be wanted is entrenched in human nature. Too many dumpings and a gal might think: aw, fuck it. Do it for love, do it for money---what's the difference.

Poverty is undoubtedly the key factor over there but a girl who is able to support a family back in the village through her 'work'' would be seen as a valuable asset. Who sends them to Bangkok and other big cities? Not traffickers.

Different cultures and attitudes can't always be adapted to suit many westerners' ideas of morality.

As for my own granddaughters, no, of course I wouldn't encourage them into a life of prostitution. But if they ever reckoned the game was worth the candle, it's not something I would condemn. We all live by our own rules---or at least we should.

I never answered the question about who does the trafficking in Thailand. From people I talked to, it's mostly the families.
Giving birth to a pretty daughter in really impoverished parts of the country such as Isaan can be like winning the lottery

… for those who didn't live through the early '70s, it wasn't so much free love. It was simply recreational sex. That's why I'm not hung up about who shoves what where.

Marriage doesn't make sense to me.

Also that there's no point joining a library (i.e. life) if you're only going to read one book.

If a commitment has been made, can't see much degree of difference between shagging a prostitute, a co-worker or a random stranger met in a bar.

It's only in the past few decades that there has been this outcry that all humans should be of equal value. The idea is balderdash.

The rich have always exploited the poor, and sex has always been a commodity for sale. That won't change, so it seems a waste of emotion to get in a strop about the lives of the faceless billions and the limited choices they have. Everyone in life is dealt different cards.

I'm glad I grew up in an age where it wasn't deemed necessary to display fake empathy.

Believing that all people are of equal value has become an imposed belief, not a natural one.

The powerful (and I have no power over anyone) have more advantages than the majority of us, even in a western democracy. Who can blame them for using those advantages? They would be mad not to.

I'd take issue with the bleating that many overseas women engage in prostitution to survive. The typical peasant lifestyle in SE Asia is unpleasant and gruelling, but it has existed for generations. People do actually survive it. It doesn't pay for shoes or pretty clothes or a motorbike for your brother, though. It's not a case of survival, it's more a hankering for material trappings..

Panama is arguably the wealthiest country in Central America, but you'll 'still find yourself knee-deep in local hookers. Luxury hotels such as the Sheraton in Panama City are a particular magnet. I very much doubt they're all doing it to ''survive''.*

Also;

Panama is arguably the wealthiest country in Central America, but you'll 'still find yourself knee-deep in local hookers. Luxury hotels such as the Sheraton in Panama City are a particular magnet. I very much doubt they're all doing it to ''survive''.

2 second Google:

'Panama has the second worst income distribution in Latin America— Although the country is rapidly growing in wealth, prosperity is not felt by all. According to the CIA, approximately one-quarter of the population lives in poverty. The richest 20 percent of the population controls half of the country’s wealth while the poorest 20 percent control only controls 12 percent of the wealth."

You see grindergirl is do well read and so wellninformed and so well travelled so philosophical .. but somehow I'd totally unaware of the issues with the sex industry in Amsterdam or with facts about Panama.

Also thank you so much grindergirl for enlightening us that Thai women and children gag on strange men's dicks and wince as they're being fucked (raped) for shoes or pretty clothes or a motorbike for (their) brother.

Where would we be without you.

@GilbertMarkham I'm so pleased you've had so much fun in collecting my posts together, but clearly you haven't taken any classes in Sociopathy 101. Sociopaths invariably come across as charming people. They are also adept at faking empathy.
I make no claims to be either charming or empathic and I'd rather believe the evidence of my own eyes than any guff from the CIA World Factbook. (So trustworthy, aren't they?)
Re your own expertise on the Amsterdam sex industry, I find it strange that you never mentioned the Fokken sisters---the twins who retired at the age of 70 after fifty years on the game. A life of prostitution seems to have done them little harm

Sociopaths invariably come across as charming people.

Id hazard a guess that you probably do seem charming irl - I know women like you and they do seem charming at a superficial level .. which is all most people know others at.

I'd rather believe the evidence of my own eyes than any guff from the CIA World Factbook. (So trustworthy, aren't they?)

I have no doubt I could find similar economic info. from any other source. "Your own eyes" was the evidence of prostitution - not the reasons for it. You didn't see that. So it's not evidence of anything.

I find it strange that you never mentioned the Fokken sisters---the twins who retired at the age of 70 after fifty years on the game. A life of prostitution seems to have done them little harm

Only an idiot would think they're representative, which is why you've mentioned it.

And even if they were typical, it still wouldn't make the non topic cases acceptable.

Re your own expertise on the Amsterdam sex industry

At least I can read about the reality of the sex industry in Amsterdam before speaking, unlike you laughingly chiding my grandson for fucking a prostitute - and cheating on his gf at home ...
Scumbag.

I'd rather believe the evidence of my own eyes than any guff from the CIA World Factbook. (So trustworthy, aren't they?)

And I'd rather believeeven the CIA than some space-cadet morally bankrupt 64 yr old who holds views like;

It's only in the past few decades that there has been this outcry that all humans should be of equal value. The idea is balderdash.

As I said before - keep taking the drugd.

*drugs

@GilbertMarkham Don't think it's worth arguing over, but I wouldn't deny that Panama has a wealth chasm. But Panama City IS wealthy--- the skyline is all gleaming skyscrapers and there are plenty of high-end apartments. Poverty is mostly concentrated within the indigenous groups who live in rural areas. The hookers I saw all appeared to be of Hispanic origin. Presumably the clients aren't interested in indigenous types...or the hotels don't let them in. I don't trust the World Bank either, but the country report on their site (from 2019) rates Panama as having one of the world's fastest growing economies over the past decade.

Re my musing on the notion that all humans are somehow of equal value being balderdash, why didn''t you also quote my next sentence? I pointed out that Italians of 60+ were clearly not considered of equal value to society when it came to needing ventilators.

I agree with you that it would turn me off OP. I did have a lover who'd done that once in his youth and I didn't think much of it them, but I don't think I'd really like the idea of having a partner who'd done that, or I can see why you wouldn't.

And he turned out to be a sleazeball.

Wow grindergirl ... Your attitude towards others is truly vile. You really believe that some people are above others and that you "can't blame" the rich or powerful for abusing people less well off...I feel sick.

Look at the bigger picture... what sort of person is he generally? Do you believe him when he says he wouldnt do it again? People make mistakes, especially young people who are finding out about themselves... and people grow and change. You know him... if you genuinely think he respects women and wouldnt do this type of thing now days then you have nothing to worry about here.