Boyfriend told me he paid for prostitute overseas when he was young

[Autumntimes]

Been with him for almost 6 months now. Randomly asked him the question if he has hired a prostitute before and he said yes, overseas when he was much younger. I didn’t ask too much details. I just felt disgusted and upset. He said he did it once and he was ashamed to tell people but he wanted to be honest with me.

I don’t know what to do. I got told this about 3 weeks ago. Some days we were ok. Other days I could not stop imagining him being this sleazy loser who went up to a hooker and negotiated price. It changed my perception of him completely. So much so that I felt a bit disgusted just talking to him. We haven’t talked about this in great detail. Maybe I should but I don’t wanna make myself feel sick all over again.

I understand that people do make mistakes in the past and people do change. I am very against judging people for what they have done in the past without giving them a fair chance but it’s just been so hard. I kinda wish he lied to me when I asked him. It did absolutely nothing to our relationship but to make me feel disgusted and hurt. I just don’t know how I can get over it.

Probably because of comments suggesting that everything they do is rape (therefore implying that they can’t also be raped while working)

That isn't implied at all. Many types of rape exist.

It sounds like you’ve made your mind up OP, but if not you really ought to read ‘Paid For - My Journey Through Prostitution’ by Rachel Moran. It would certainly give you an insider view on what prostitution actually involves. The funny thing is, your opening posts seemed much aligned with her experience-based views, but you changed your tune significantly as you scrambled for reasons to excuse your boyfriend.

That I and anyone else would want to protect our physical health, is our right.

Yeah grinder, in line with being an apparent sociopath, found her grandson cheating on his gf (whom he may well have been having sex without condoms with) humourous .. the fact that the choice the young woman had to have sex with or without condoms, or have sex at all with someone who was not sexually exclusive with her, wax taken away from her. Her ability to protect her sexual health .. and from it, general health was taken away from her. He may well have used a condom with the prostitute but condoms do not protect against all STDs, and people who harpnon about regular testing .. yeah testing only picks is up what you already have acquired, not what you acquired half an hour ago. Not are there reliable tests for anything. Someone could have no antibodies for herpes because it's dormant, could then gave an attack and be shedding the virus before they get very noticeable symptoms. Hsv could have left his ex gf with a relatively treatable but incurable std for life .. one that could affect her if she fell pregnant (flare up and force her to have a caesarian (lovely experience of earky motherhood to be having an STD during pregnancy), could affect the foetus if she had accidentally fallen pregnant around the time he infected her, have to tell all future partners about it and possibly be rejected because of it (all down to his risk taking on her behalf, behind her back), be prone to flare ups every time her immune system was not doing great. But it's all a big laugh apparently.

Oh and I might I point out that all if the above applies to the prostitutes themselves too - in many cases coerced into that position and suffering sti's and their implications because of the "work" they're in, while others profit from them.

*Nor are there reliable tests for everything.

Say what you like about condoms and testing; multiple concurrent sexual partners is the most efficient way of getting and passing on sti's.

Lack of condom use, always a possibility because some punters will pay more for it, jusr makes it x100 worse.

Oh and I heard of a prostitute user who slipped condoms off mid act with his non-prostitute partners, you have to wonder if he did it with prostitutes too. He was v proud of getting one over in the sexual partners. He'd pretend surprise and say it must have fallen off unnoticed if they realised.

but you changed your tune significantly as you scrambled for reasons to excuse your boyfriend.

It's ok, people I western countries buy clothing from fast fashion retailers that use sweat shops so op'd bf using a prostitute in a (we think developing country but op won't confirm) isnt that bad. They're the same thing.

Also because op's friends back in Asia have used their looks to marry up (she also declined to answer queries about their options in marrying those men, their conditions in the marriages, and their alternative options to marriage) it's also ok that ops bf used a prostitute in a probably poor, developing country.

Also we're all down on prostitutes because we're against prostitution. It's not punters we have the problem with; it's apparently the trafficked, coerced, pressured, little or no options etc women we look down on.

Op, you've checked out because it doesn't suit you to listen to more or respond to the challenges made to your opinions in why it's acceptable, but take it from me; it's not the prostitutes we look down on.

There is never any need to pay for sex. There are plenty of women who will have sex for free. It's the same as rape, there's never any reason for rape. There's available sex everywhere you look. Especially now with the advent of hook up sites which have actually been around for years now.
They are both about power and control.
I have ended a relationship because I suspected someone had used prostitutes in the past and I have ended relationship with someone who visited strip clubs and talked about the women as commodities.
There's a section of society which thinks all this is acceptable and nobody is bring exploited blah blah but it's not for me.
I find it an absolute turn off and I am not prudish at all.

What I have never understood is men that book escorts and then get so excited at the thought of the escort getting all ready for them etc when in reality she is only getting ready to gain the money and howcome guys don’t get all excited when they’re meeting a woman for free sex, as in their FWB or something?! It’s a psychology I will never ever get and I will never ever get how these men don’t fucking get that without the money motivating them, then the women wouldn’t do it! The men that pay for sex are literally the only people that don’t seem to get why escorts escort! Some of them book escorts as a hobby (sad and sick as fuck I know) and yet they know fuck all about their hobby, some of these men are also extremely well read yet they have never read one book that was written by a hooker about her experiences when she worked?! Hmm funny that, and every book I’ve ever read on it says the same thing; its the fucking money and that is it.

You would think that a hobbyist would want to read all about his hobby eh.

Latest news I’ve heard is that guys are currently phoning escorts just now to see if they’re taking bookings and then if the women are then they are getting slated on UK Punting, that awful site where the men all write about their experiences with escorts

I had a prostitute living in the flat above me up to last year & had to listen to her "working from home" three nights a week. The only positive thing I can say was that she had regular punters, it always seemed to be the same faces passing my window to ring her bell. I also had to listen to her pimp shouting at her when he came to collect his cut of her takings. Thankfully she moved out but I imagine someone else is having to listen to her now.

@Nat6999 It’s not “her” they’ll be listening to from what you’ve described. It’s the men paying to abuse her and the pimp shouting at her, presumably because not enough profit’s been generated from her abuse. How nasty that you can have listened to that apparently without empathy three nights a week.

Louisacollina I did feel sorry for her, she had a regular partner & I often wondered if he knew what she did as he worked away & only came home once a month. Everyone in the block knew what she did but they were happier to sweep it under the carpet rather than the lad who lived next door to me who helped me when I was struggling with bags of shopping & who kept his eye out when my autistic ds decided he was leaving home via the living room window who deals weed to his friends. My ds who when it all started upstairs was only 9 had to try to go to sleep at night listening to what she was doing. That is why I wish they would legalise brothels so that ordinary families don't have to live their lives observing prostitution.

Lots of women would prefer to not work in brothels as the managers aren’t very nice.

@Nat6999 Listen to your own language - “what she did as he worked away”... “Everyone in the block knew what she did”... “listening to what she was doing.”

Take the blame off the woman for five fucking minutes. It might be long enough for you to realise this is about what’s being done to her.

As for legalising prostitution. You want to enshrine men’s right to buy us in law?? Speak for yourself. You have no right to make that decision for women.

You are all fucking heart, Nat

Louisacollina and anyone else who criticises me, there are families with young children living in our block, does what she does make it right that they should have to listen to it at night when they are trying to study or go to sleep? The council are condoning it by not doing anything about it, it has been reported to them many times. She looked happy enough when she was off out in her brand new top of the range car, so she isn't exactly living in poverty. The next time you have your nails done in a chinese nail bar you are contributing to exactly the same problem. It isn't only the sex trade, the next time you buy a piece of clothing that wasn't made in Britain, you are probably wearing something made in a sweat shop, don't forget a hundred years ago this country sent it's poor children down the mines & up chimneys.

My ds who when it all started upstairs was only 9 had to try to go to sleep at night listening to what she was doing. That is why I wish they would legalise brothels so that ordinary families don't have to live their lives observing prostitution.

That's why? That's why really @nat6999? Not in my backyard eh?

As for legalising prostitution. You want to enshrine men’s right to buy us in law?? Speak for yourself. You have no right to make that decision for women.

@LouiseCollina we've had our differences on other threads (I think!) but totally with you on this. Staggering the lack of empathy from Nat on this.

BackseatCookers Other countries handle the sex industry by licensing, prostitution is one of the oldest professions & just because many people find it abhorrent will never stop it. Surely the best way is to make conditions safer, protect the people (because it isn't only women) both health wise & make it safe by protecting them from violence, licensing much the same way as pubs & nightclubs, everyone knows that massage parlours & saunas very often operate as a front for prostitution, if it was legalised it would also be allowed to be taxed which it isn't now as the tax authorities would be benefitting from immoral earnings.

Lots of escorts pay tax even if they work on saunas but they can’t admit to the taxman that they’re escorts, you can say your a stripper though as many do.

@BackseatCookers I don’t know if we did, but so what? People can’t agree on everything!

@Nat6999 Here we go again - “does what she does make it right...”

You’re like a broken record of victim blaming. Talk to me about what he does and maybe we can have a conversation.

As for your ignorant comments about legalisation, they’re just too ill-informed to merit responding to. In the eighteen years since legalisation in Germany the sex trade has EXPLODED with an estimated 400,000+ women and girls from the former soviet block now sucking the cocks of German men. You may want that for Britain, but I’d bet everything I own you don’t want it for your own mouth.

other countries handle the sex industry by licensing, prostitution is one of the oldest professions & just because many people find it abhorrent will never stop it. Surely the best way is to make conditions safer, protect the people (because it isn't only women) both health wise & make it safe by protecting them from violence, licensing much the same way as pubs & nightclubs, everyone knows that massage parlours & saunas very often operate as a front for prostitution, if it was legalised it would also be allowed to be taxed which it isn't now as the tax authorities would be benefitting from immoral earnings.

Yes. None of this changes the fact that men like the OPs current partner (presumably as she has given no indication she is going to split up with him) has paid for sex with woman in an impoverished country who is either there through trafficking or terribly sad circumstance where she's doing it to survive.

My point was that a PP was concerned about children hearing it on the same estate and mentioning that people contribute to sweat shop existence through their purchases, as if either of those things negate people thinking it's disgusting for a western man to go on holiday or work in a poor country and pay a woman to be fucked by them.

LouisaCollina in the city I live in we already have what is basically a red light area, I used to have to walk past women soliciting on the steps of where I used to work (ironically HMRC) they were picking up taxi drivers. There is a link between drug use & prostitution, many female addicts fund their habit by selling sex, there has also been an increase in women turning to prostitution since Universal Credit was introduced, women doing it to put food on the table & keep a roof over their heads, many students of either sex have started working as escorts & doing webcam work since tuition fees & student loans were introduced, that is where the answer to stopping prostitution lies in this country.