Someone please tell me what I'm meant to do here

[fuckthisforabarrelofbiscuits]

I'm going to try and keep this as brief as possible otherwise I'll be writing all day.

Background: been together a year, live together, 3 children between us, 2 are mine and one is his who comes each weekend. He's generally good to me. BUT..

Twice I have ended it with him due to his obsession with constantly touching me! So I can be doing something as mundane as stirring dinner and he will come and grab my bits, last weekend after a couple of weekend drinks he got heavy handed (as is normal) but in a joking way but he slapped my leg so hard that I retaliated badly, it makes me feel awful. He also ripped my jeans and top off me that same night, this is a regular occurance, he's destroyed many of my clothes/underwear.

I'd finally had enough a few weeks ago and ended things, he was beyond distraught, promised to stop it all, I know that breaking up with him would result in a spiral of issues for him so I very reluctantly agreed to give one last (second!) chance!

Tonight he has made a sly comment about me never wanting to have sex with him, has also jokingly gone to throw something at me, to the point I've flinched. I'm not a wallflower, I give him what for but it never stops. Now tonight he's saying I never allow him to make decisions with me which is just so untrue and now he has and issue with my 3yo coming into the bed in the night. I get the last one, but don't see the need for an argument over it.

I warned him last time anymore hurting me or pushing me too far would end the relationship, he's been 'good' the past 2/3 weeks but it's starting to escalate.

I'm so unhappy. I feel pressured into having sex or doing sexual things with him. I don't fancy him, he creeps me out.

Tonight he put a lighter to my trousers near my bits, I went mad, felt the heat for ages after and could smell the burning. Again, went mad, he proceeded to then do it to my bum from behind! Again, the heat and burnt smell was there.

I fully KNOW this isn't normal. And I can't carry on! He will break if and when I end this. I just don't know what to do 😞

Sorry if there's lots of typos, I'm typing quick with him the other end of the sofa. Currenty not speaking.

Good morning OP. Right there’s an awful lot of very useless and unhelpful shit on this thread.

OP please go back to what mathanxiety has written and follow that. Be careful. Tread carefully. Let us know how you are - you’ve got our support and the daytime will
Bring out more helpful voices x

PieceofMaria - do fuck off sweetie. Imagining you’re the sort to attend a public hanging. :)

Evening everyone - we took the thread down as we wanted to have a chat with the OP behind the scenes. We're now happy to reinstate the thread so that the OP can continue to get support and advice.

Thanks to all who've contributed so far.

You rushed in, so rush out of the relationship. Simple. You do not owe him anything. Get rid quick, no excuses and never do this again. You are responsible for your children and who you have in your life. You made a bad mistake. Just get him out.....now.

OP, is he gone now? Are you, DD and your pup in a safe space?

No. PieceofMaria is right! Why would you move yourself and your children (who have absolutely no choice in the matter!!) in with a man who ‘weirded’ you out when you met him?? It makes no sense!!

Hi op I have read some disturbing threads but something about this has made my stomach turn . Especially the lighter . I hope your ok can you write in here ASAP to let us know your ok xxx

@fuckthisforabarrelofbiscuits OK are you ok? Can I PM you? I can help with advice, I've been in your position

The police are on guard for domestic violence now, OP. Get in touch with them as soon as you're on your own.

Why post this?

Because it's a perfectly valid question and I've got as much right to post as you have

Op are you ok?

.

This is awful. I hope the op managed to get out safely.

Really hope you called the police & are safe

Sorry OP you need to get out of that relationship quick, but i think you already know this. He is disrespectful and abusive. Do not worry about it breaking him , it wont and he doesn't deserve your sympathy. Are you living together? Is the house yours? You've broke free before and you can do it again. Phone a womans refuge/ charity for advice.

Pick up your children and leave.. do not look back.
His behaviour is disturbing and already escalating, putting a lighter to your private areas? I have never heard the like and what will be next?
Your children may be young but they pick up vibes .. your vibes and his .. whether they see and hear it or not .. do not let them grow up thinking that it's normal for men to treat women like that.. and if he continues to escalate at this rate they will not have a mum at all.. think about that before you think about his "breakdown" over you leaving.
That is his problem not yours.
Please be safe and do the right thing .. you know leaving is the only thing that is sane and responsible.

He’s assaulting you constantly. Please, please kick him out. Can you steal his keys then tell him he has to go? Call the police to help, they are extremely keen to support people in this situation right now, my DH has been to an increased amount of dv incidents since lockdown.

Call the police and women's aid.

Get him charged and then change the locks.

Then move in with a relative and don't tell home where you are.

Take care

This is one of the worst things I have ever read.

OP I hope you are hanging in there. Call the police, get him out. Think about moving somewhere else for a bit if you can.

I'm sorry your home isn't a safe space for you at the moment.

I can’t understand why the OP has talked with MNHQ behind the scenes to get the thread reinstated yet hasn’t bothered to come back to it.

I can’t understand why the OP has talked with MNHQ behind the scenes to get the thread reinstated yet hasn’t bothered to come back to it.

Wasn’t her choice and one imagines she’s probably quite busy trying to get rid of the asshole.

He tried to burn your genitalia, that is assault. Please call the Police, have him cautioned and kick him out.

Hope you're ok OP. We're here if you need us

Reading this was quite shocking . Holding a lighter next to your genitals , so much so you could smell burning . Ripping your clothes and underwear off of you , splitting your nipple as he was so rough . These are classed as SEXUAL ASSAULT .
Please talk to someone , please get help to get yourself and your daughter out of this situation . I’m unsure you realise just how dangerous a position you are in . This man sounds mentally unstable , and while you are living under the same roof as him you are not safe .
Please don’t think the worst can never happen . I’ve posted in another thread , it can and it does , more regularly than any of us would care to admit .
So please act ASAP , and keep you safe xx

Oh OP, please get support from women's aid and the police and get this abusive man out of your life forever