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Original poster

Someone please tell me what I'm meant to do here

242 replies

fuckthisforabarrelofbiscuits · 30/03/2020 23:54

I'm going to try and keep this as brief as possible otherwise I'll be writing all day.

Background: been together a year, live together, 3 children between us, 2 are mine and one is his who comes each weekend. He's generally good to me. BUT..

Twice I have ended it with him due to his obsession with constantly touching me! So I can be doing something as mundane as stirring dinner and he will come and grab my bits, last weekend after a couple of weekend drinks he got heavy handed (as is normal) but in a joking way but he slapped my leg so hard that I retaliated badly, it makes me feel awful. He also ripped my jeans and top off me that same night, this is a regular occurance, he's destroyed many of my clothes/underwear.

I'd finally had enough a few weeks ago and ended things, he was beyond distraught, promised to stop it all, I know that breaking up with him would result in a spiral of issues for him so I very reluctantly agreed to give one last (second!) chance!

Tonight he has made a sly comment about me never wanting to have sex with him, has also jokingly gone to throw something at me, to the point I've flinched. I'm not a wallflower, I give him what for but it never stops. Now tonight he's saying I never allow him to make decisions with me which is just so untrue and now he has and issue with my 3yo coming into the bed in the night. I get the last one, but don't see the need for an argument over it.

I warned him last time anymore hurting me or pushing me too far would end the relationship, he's been 'good' the past 2/3 weeks but it's starting to escalate.

I'm so unhappy. I feel pressured into having sex or doing sexual things with him. I don't fancy him, he creeps me out.

Tonight he put a lighter to my trousers near my bits, I went mad, felt the heat for ages after and could smell the burning. Again, went mad, he proceeded to then do it to my bum from behind! Again, the heat and burnt smell was there.

I fully KNOW this isn't normal. And I can't carry on! He will break if and when I end this. I just don't know what to do 😞

Sorry if there's lots of typos, I'm typing quick with him the other end of the sofa. Currenty not speaking.

OP posts:
Sandleman · 31/03/2020 00:11

This is not your fault. You can’t be responsible for him as he is an adult. You need to put yourself and your children first. Make him go to his mother’s. Stay firm. You have told him how it is and if he really valued you he would appreciate you more and control himself.

This won’t change unless you do something. Put yourself first for the sake of your children.

I did and I have no regrets.

CtrlU · 31/03/2020 00:11

Bloody hell

offlikeabanger · 31/03/2020 00:12

Good grief. Get this psychopath out of your home. Whatever issues he has, they do not trump your kids right to a safe living environment and a mother who remains alive.

If you can't outright tell him to leave, send him to the shops tomorrow and lock him the hell out.

His actions have consequences and he was warned.

Jaguarana · 31/03/2020 00:13

Are you safe typing this with him sitting at the other end of the sofa?

CtrlU · 31/03/2020 00:13

I’m going to take a stab in the dark here OP and say he moved himself in without you really agreeing to anything, right ?

Original poster
fuckthisforabarrelofbiscuits · 31/03/2020 00:13

The ripped clothes things is the tip of the ice berg, he has ripped underwear clean off me in the past. He's made me cry in pain/shock in the past. It's the burning things tonight that's made me post on here. That's just not normal

OP posts:
pusspuss9 · 31/03/2020 00:14

It sounds as if he gets a high when he hurts someone. For the sake of your children as well as you, please get him out immediately.
They will be unable to defend themselves against him.
Please call the police immediately and ask them to remove him.

Original poster
fuckthisforabarrelofbiscuits · 31/03/2020 00:14

@CtrlU yep you'd be correct

OP posts:
offlikeabanger · 31/03/2020 00:15

None of what you have written is normal. Not one part of it.

Original poster
fuckthisforabarrelofbiscuits · 31/03/2020 00:15

@Jaguarana I think so. Not speaking but still feels he can keep poking me down below with his foot. I just feel so claustrophobic by him

OP posts:
rvby · 31/03/2020 00:15

OP I'm speechless! Literally how bad does it have to get before you kick him out on the street!

And you're talking about how upset he will be... ffs... this guy will murder you in the end and you're worried about how he feels! You've children, you need to give your head a wobble, I'm sorry to be so blunt but honestly what will it take??

BackseatCookers · 31/03/2020 00:15

Sorry OP this sounds horrific and it's awful you're going through it.

If you don't feel able to leave for your own sake then do it for your kids.

Put them first. You are putting him first at the moment, before you or your children. That can't be right can it?

He is aggressive, sexually harassing you, physically assaulting you, threatening you (the lighter incident - what the fuck) and you need to get him out of your kids lives as soon as possible.

Who would you rather breaks - him, you or your kids? Choose them and yourself, not this arsehole.

offlikeabanger · 31/03/2020 00:16

He is literally assaulting you as you write this, OP!

BackseatCookers · 31/03/2020 00:17

Fuck me it gets worse and worse.

You've moved this man into your home with your kids.

Do you think they deserve to live with a man like this?

A man who treats women like this?

A violent sexually aggressive man like this?

Step up OP and get him the fuck out of your children's home.

Original poster
fuckthisforabarrelofbiscuits · 31/03/2020 00:17

I don't know how to get him out. My youngest daughter is here and if he starts getting all over emotional etc she will see it all!

OP posts:
AmelieTaylor · 31/03/2020 00:18

You need to get him OUT

His childhood isn’t your fault or your responsibility. He’s responsible for him, not you!

This psychopath could kill you. You have children relying on you!!

Call the police, have them take him to his mothers & get a ‘whatever they’re calling it now’ restraining order.

CtrlU · 31/03/2020 00:19

This sounds very similar to a friend of mine; within 3 weeks he had moved himself into my friends home and started locking her in and taking her key while he went out all day leaving her alone locked in her house with no food or money. Soon after he became so abusive and actually lost his temper so much he beat her head against the corner of the wall and she ended up in a coma and in hospital for 3 weeks with 27 stitches from the middle of her scalp to between her brows. It’s sad.
She had a habit of getting into bad relationships also....

pallisers · 31/03/2020 00:19

Call the police now.

This is about as bad as it can get without serious actual bodily harm. Call the police OP. Tell them what happened here. Tell them you are in fear for your safety. Because, honestly, you should be. He has some fucking serious issues going on.

Read this again - would any police person ignore you if you told them this? Would anyone feel safe living with someone who did this? The man is a dangerous man. Do you think he is on something?

Tonight he put a lighter to my trousers near my bits, I went mad, felt the heat for ages after and could smell the burning. Again, went mad, he proceeded to then do it to my bum from behind! Again, the heat and burnt smell was there.

UYScuti · 31/03/2020 00:19

He sounds malicious sinister and deranged you should escape as soon as you practically can, do not spare a moments thought for what will happen to him just get as far away from him as possible
stop lowering yourself by spending time with this vile creature😖

Bufferingkisses · 31/03/2020 00:19

OP I get what you are saying about how he will find it hard of you split. That guilt and responsibility thing (however misguided) is quite usual in these circumstances.

However, the choice you are making is to, instead let it break you. You are literally putting your health and safety (potentially that of your DC as well) behind his. So you get to break so he doesn't have to - even though he is the one who can't act properly.

What you are describing sounds a lot like coerced sex - at best and I doubt that's the full extent of it.

Please don't take on all that suffering to save him from feeling the repercussions of his actions. He doesn't care about you enough to do that does he?

Chiyo666 · 31/03/2020 00:20

I hate to be harsh but seriously? Grow a pair and call the police and get him removed from your house! What the fuck are you thinking having this piece of shit near your children? This man will kill you one day.

BackseatCookers · 31/03/2020 00:20

You tell him in the morning that he needs to leave and that if he doesn't you'll be calling the police.

Call a friend first so they know what's going on. If you really feel unable to do any of that then call womens aid over and over again until you get through. It's worth doing this because they can advise on safety precautions.

You own your home without him, you don't have shared children. Get him out before anything worse happens and before you have any more ties to him.

Put your children first.

pallisers · 31/03/2020 00:20

Fucks sake, OP. Your youngest seeing him getting all emotions as opposed to your youngest seeing her mother burned by her boyfriend - what do you think would be worse?????

Call the police.

copperoliver · 31/03/2020 00:21

For god sake leave this man and report his weirdness to the police before he really hurts someone. X

pallisers · 31/03/2020 00:21

and for what it is worth NOTHING you have posted about him is normal. Nothing. he is not normal. You need to get him out of your home as soon as possible.

Call the police.